Page 31 | AIBU to expect my husband to stay after an emergency caesarean?

StandingDeskDisco · 27/07/2026 11:22

Thisisnobridgetjones · 27/07/2026 08:48

I’ve not RTFT but I’m sorry he is ruining your time with your baby.

In all honesty, I’d run with the affair theory and not register his as the dad…let him believe the baby isn’t his.

Sending you strength

You should at least read all the OP's posts before commenting: just click 'see all'.

OceanSafari · 27/07/2026 11:25

It may be hard to see it now, but you should be so proud of how you have looked after yourself and your child. I definitely wasn't this sensible at 23. I wish you all the best life has to offer, you deserve it 💕

Shark321 · 27/07/2026 11:30

I’ve only read your posts OP and I just want to say what an incredibly strong, mature and wonderfully protective mummy you are. Your son is so lucky to have you. I honestly believe that you will get through all of this trauma and go on to have a happy life. Wishing you so much luck and strength to get through this.

JayJayj · 27/07/2026 11:32

I am so so sorry. The silver lining of this though, there will be no chance of him getting custody of your baby now.

Uppabye · 27/07/2026 11:34

You should hold your head up high OP. Don't let anyone make you feel like you're not good enough, or that you can't handle life, or that you can't be a wonderful mother to your child. You have handled this beautifully and have been so strong against truly horrible people, although I'm sure you haven't felt this way at times and I don't doubt that it has been very hard.

First time motherhood isn't for the faint hearted, let alone what you have had to manage. My second baby had colic and I found it incredibly hard, so I'm sorry you were going through that too - I hope your baby has settled now (and just to say my 2yo is now the happiest, sweetest, kindest little girl - I thought the colic would last forever 🙈)

You can do this. Lean on your support network as needed and take things one step at a time.

DPotter · 27/07/2026 11:43

Loopylou5 · 27/07/2026 07:40

My partner has a habit of popping out do something and then disappearing for hours as he has decided to do other things or disappear to pub. He doesn’t text or message me to say he is going to be gone longer and thinks he shouldn’t have to tell me where he is every minute of every day and says I’m trying to control him. I’m just asking for basic respect and communication - if he has implied he is going to be an hour and is still not home after 3 or 4 hours and not contacted me I think that is disrespectful - also I don’t know whether to eat or whether he is going to want to do something when he gets back etc. He keeps doing it and every time we argue ge says he won’t do it again, but he does. He worked all weekend but finished about 2.30 yesterday and practically asked permission to go and wash his car - he came back at 9.30!! He text after 5 hours and said he was out with his dad. I’ve told him I’m done - if he wants to behave like a single person and not answer or consider anyone then he needs to be single. Am I being reasonable? I should add that in the past he has had a drink problem and stopped drinking after going to AA. So I spent all night feeling sick with a churning stomach knowing he had been in a pub all that time and whether he was drinking and if he was going to kick off and be nasty when he got home!!

@Loopylou5
I'm not sure if you were just commenting but if you are looking for support may I suggest you make your own post. On the top right of this thread is a blue box with "Start thread" - click here and post away

Kingdomofsleep · 27/07/2026 11:45

I just wanted to say as well - you mentioned being sad that your baby wouldn't have the perfect start and family... but your baby has an amazingly strong mum, a lovely grandma and grandad in your foster parents, even a supportive great-uncle in the picture. You've also got the police and sw all on your side. He's going to be just fine.

Hopefully your slimy ex will stay away long term and you can all forget about him. No Dad in the picture is better than having a horrible one around, and I say this as someone who grew up with no Dad around.

It's also a slight upside that your ex showed his true colours now, before your DC is old enough to have bonded with him and get confused by it all.

RiskyBiz · 27/07/2026 11:52

I'm really sorry to read that you've been assaulted and everything that's happened. You don't deserve any of this!
What I can say though you have so much more strength and resilience than you realise. To figure out your husband is abusive and have the strength to leave your marriage with a brand new baby is really a testimony to how much you love your baby and want the best for you both together.

It's so understandable that you are struggling, but you are showing strength. Please access any support, anyone in your position would need help and support! and don't be afraid of the lies there is no evidence to back them up.

I hope life is on the up for you OP, find a new home and don't give anyone the address unless it's your family.

NadjaofAntipaxos · 27/07/2026 12:13

Just adding another voice of support and awe. What a woman you are, what a mother!
You are so courageous, so level-headed and I hope you are feeling proud of having left this dickhead and his hideous mother behind you.
I'm so sorry you've had all this shite to deal with and I only imagine what strength you must have to be coping with it all. You must be having some really low moments but please know we are all here to support you. You're amazing.

Thisisnobridgetjones · 27/07/2026 12:19

StandingDeskDisco · 27/07/2026 11:22

You should at least read all the OP's posts before commenting: just click 'see all'.

Show quote history

I just have and my comment still stands…just because he’s been arrested doesn’t mean he will lose rights to see his child

SleepingStandingUp · 27/07/2026 12:47

He's a dick. I'm so sorry

EuroNotVision · 27/07/2026 12:59

Oh lovely I was hoping for a positive update from you. None of this is your fault and he’s actually shown his hand to the police and everyone so it’ll be easier to cut him out of your life for good. And yoir Childs . Not that you in any way deserved to be assaulted. Neither of you.

your FM and family sound wonderful and they will be amazing grandparents and you will have a happy life I promise

Fernticket · 27/07/2026 13:46

He claimed at one time that the baby wasn't his?
Why would you want custody or access to a child that's not yours?
Just saying......

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 27/07/2026 13:47

Hey, just tell him he's right and the baby isn't his! Then he might decide he doesn't even want access, and you'll be quit of him.

ImImmortalNowBabyDoll · 27/07/2026 14:24

RudaRudoRude · 26/07/2026 22:50

An update. My ex has now been charged as he came to my house and assaulted me and my fm and his mum has been charged with assisting an offender or offence and harassment and stalking. It’s been a very stressful time. I’m ok and they are both on bail but have to stay away from us. I’ve been too scared to go back to my home since that happened and I’m staying at my fp because even though they have bail conditions I know they think they have nothing to lose now. I am ok though

Hope you're OK and they get the book thrown at them in court.

Duvetdayneeded · 27/07/2026 14:26

You need to see a lawyer, to be able to go back to your house and get an occupation order to make sure he stays away

ThreadGuardDog · 27/07/2026 14:29

Oriunda · 27/07/2026 11:05

You said the MIL is Italian (born in the UK). Consult a solicitor to check if your baby is eligible for Italian citizenship, because with the correct paperwork, your STB ex husband could apply for citizenship and then an Italian passport. Does he himself have Italian citizenship ie passport? Italian authorities consider a child born to an Italian parent automatically Italian themselves. Meloni is changing how many generations back this can go, but I'd work on assumption your MIL is Italian, thus so is your husband.

That said, he'd need your permission to obtain this passport, and also to renew his own passport (once there are children involved, both parents have to authorise).

Edited

Italy is also party to The Hague Convention so assuming the UK is the country of habitual residence, the Italian authorities would co-operate in returning the child if he attempted to remove from the UK without consent.

ThreadGuardDog · 27/07/2026 14:30

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 27/07/2026 13:47

Hey, just tell him he's right and the baby isn't his! Then he might decide he doesn't even want access, and you'll be quit of him.

Hell would freeze over before I’d do this. He needs to support his child.

MMUmum · 27/07/2026 14:58

RudaRudoRude · 30/05/2026 13:50

Name change as outing info before.
I had an emergency c section 3 weeks ago. Baby was 3 weeks early but fine. My DH has gone for the weekend to his parents for a large family celebration. I haven’t gone because I’m still really sore. I had the c section done with general anaesthetic as it was a real emergency they didn’t have time to do a epidural. I said to DH about him not going because I could do with help with the baby. I’m on my own and don’t have my own parents. His mum got upset so he’s gone there to the weekend party.
Now I’ve found out from a message from someone in his family who said to watch my back as my mil is implying that I can’t cope with the baby because I asked him to stay and he should look at leaving me and applying for custody.

I can cope with the baby, I was only asking him to stay because I really am sore and with having to do everything myself until Monday it feels a lot. I don’t know if I’m just hormonal or this isn’t fair. I didn’t think it was unreasonable to ask him to stay but was it?

My Dh did this to me, I had a planned section after a high risk pregnancy, I then had post partum haemmorhage and post natal depression. Luckily this happened over Christmas so he had a few days at home, but he refused to apply for paternity leave and swanned off to work, working 12 hour shifts. I know exactly how you feel and it's on the list of things I won't forgive, it so uncaring, unfeeling and insensitive. I learned very quickly that I was going to have to step up and manage, and I was proud that I did.

MMUmum · 27/07/2026 15:06

RudaRudoRude · 30/05/2026 14:22

The one thing I wanted to know is could he apply for custody on this basis? With his mum backing him? Would this even be evidence that I had asked him to stay?

I don't know Op, but I would imagine there isn't a court in the land that would award paternal custody in these circumstances, you are unwell not an unfit mother. Concentrate on yourself and your little one, get yourself well and see how things are going once you start to get back to normal. There is no 'normal' recovery time, just take your time

MMUmum · 27/07/2026 15:17

RudaRudoRude · 30/05/2026 14:03

I was struggling with the stairs as we have two flights. I’ve had to move everything downstairs with my neighbour because I can’t keep doing that on my own. The muscle pain is like nothing I’ve ever experienced.

Show quote history

Op I really feel for you, my pain was so bad I could barely stand and ended up back in hospital because my Gp was concerned. Scans showed I had a large internal haematoma that was slowly breaking down, causing me to bleed for 7 weeks post partum. It resolved itself but I did end up on antidepressants which saved my sanity, and me and Dd - we got there in our own sweet time, we were fine by spring.

PeopleWatching17 · 27/07/2026 15:19

RudaRudoRude · 26/07/2026 22:50

An update. My ex has now been charged as he came to my house and assaulted me and my fm and his mum has been charged with assisting an offender or offence and harassment and stalking. It’s been a very stressful time. I’m ok and they are both on bail but have to stay away from us. I’ve been too scared to go back to my home since that happened and I’m staying at my fp because even though they have bail conditions I know they think they have nothing to lose now. I am ok though

you are a truly amazing woman. Don’t let them break you, stay strong for your baby. Thank goodness for your foster parents and what sound like some really good friends. He and his family are just awful and it looks like that is screamingly obvious to the police. Sending love x

MMUmum · 27/07/2026 15:25

BreakingBroken · 30/05/2026 14:47

I find it a bit odd to need this much help after 3 weeks.
Although everyone is different it wasn’t that long ago, mom’s c/s or not got on with home life from the day they arrived home. Husbands off to work the next day or so.
Yes times have changed but 3 weeks in, I’d be concerned and following up with the dr. if I wasn’t managing on my own.

Op is in still in pain, she is not having a normal recovery, so something is obviously wrong. Yes a lot of recovery can be straightforward but not all, and I for one believe her when she says she's not well enough, because I've been there.

MMUmum · 27/07/2026 15:56

RudaRudoRude · 31/05/2026 20:00

I am 23, my husband is 30. I met him when I was 19 and I thought he was my hero because he was everything I ever dreamed of. We had a nice life together until I became pregnant and that’s when the issues started with his mum and dad.
My fm is an amazing lady who deserves recognition we tell her all the time she should have medals. My fd is also a really amazing man. They took me and my brothers and sisters when I was 7, we’d been in care for 2 years before that but had trouble getting any one to take us on permanently because 2 of my siblings have disabilities caused by FAS. They still has them living with them and adopted them formally which is why she is still in my life even though she has no responsibilities to me or my other siblings. They have 2 of their own birth children too. My fm liked my husband at the start too and thought he’d be a good man but she was upset about us having to get married and the things said once I was pregnant.
I had all my hopes ruined. I wanted my baby to have two continuous parents and grandparents, and all the support from people blood related to him. I think I’m more upset about that than anything else. I just wanted him to have the perfect start and family and now he’s not even a month old and this has been blown apart.
Honestly every post has made me cry but with the love in all your comments.

Your foster parents are angels thank goodness you have these wonderful.people in your life Op, and as for you, you are doing bloody fantastic, why would your precious baby need your husband and his toxic family in it's life? You and your support network are more than enough

Goldengamer · 27/07/2026 16:03

Oh bless your heart . I’ve been following your posts all through and I must say you are very brave and incredibly strong to have survived all the abuse you’ve suffered and having a very young baby to deal with . This is all making you a stronger person for the future and in time you will look back and be proud of how you stood up to them. Your foster parents sound wonderful , better than a lot of real parents ! Keep going , stick to your guns . The worst part is hopefully over , at least you have been given I restraining order against them, they have to leave you alone . You are young enough to start your life again and bring up your baby without vile in laws interfering . Your husband hopefully ex soon eh? ……. Will continue his life putting his parents first, I don’t think anyone will be good enough for him in their eyes , sounds like he will end up with a lot of failed relationships after yours . I’m much older and been through a lot in my life but believe me if I’d known back then when I was young what I know now ,I’d have been a lot stronger and harder with people . It’s taken me quite a while to not be treated like a doormat . I think it’s safe to say everyone on mumsnet is very proud of you