AIBU to expect my husband to stay after an emergency caesarean?

[RudaRudoRude]

Name change as outing info before.
I had an emergency c section 3 weeks ago. Baby was 3 weeks early but fine. My DH has gone for the weekend to his parents for a large family celebration. I haven’t gone because I’m still really sore. I had the c section done with general anaesthetic as it was a real emergency they didn’t have time to do a epidural. I said to DH about him not going because I could do with help with the baby. I’m on my own and don’t have my own parents. His mum got upset so he’s gone there to the weekend party.
Now I’ve found out from a message from someone in his family who said to watch my back as my mil is implying that I can’t cope with the baby because I asked him to stay and he should look at leaving me and applying for custody.

I can cope with the baby, I was only asking him to stay because I really am sore and with having to do everything myself until Monday it feels a lot. I don’t know if I’m just hormonal or this isn’t fair. I didn’t think it was unreasonable to ask him to stay but was it?

Thank you for the update, I'm so sorry there was violence, they are horrid to have done the things they have. I know its hard from my own personal experience but please believe me that however awful things have been and are, you will get through this period and move on. Enjoy your little baby, hug your fantastic parents (doesnt matter if they are not biological). You are a fabulous quality person xx

So sorry to read your update but so glad the police are taking action and your foster parents are helping you to keep safe. I hope you’re proud of yourself for surviving all you've faced. Unfortunately it’s common for abuse to start or escalate during pregnancy or when a baby is born, typically in response to victim not being able to give the abuser their full attention, jealousy of the baby and the victim pushing back on attempts to control. Are you working with a domestic abuse charity?

Thank goodness for your fps. You poor darling 💐❤️

Have you seen a solicitor yet?

You’re doing so well. His arrest for violence and hers for harassment may not prevent contact, but it will act as a barrier. Please support the police/prosecution. Stay strong!

I hope you are seeing things clearly that you are better off without him (and ergo them) in your life and that you can build a happy and positive future with you and your boy, you are a fighter OP, you've done it since you were young - you've got this girl! 💕

Sweetheart I am sorry!
That’s going to make it night on impossible for them to see the baby then. All those threats about getting custody.

My partner has a habit of popping out do something and then disappearing for hours as he has decided to do other things or disappear to pub. He doesn’t text or message me to say he is going to be gone longer and thinks he shouldn’t have to tell me where he is every minute of every day and says I’m trying to control him. I’m just asking for basic respect and communication - if he has implied he is going to be an hour and is still not home after 3 or 4 hours and not contacted me I think that is disrespectful - also I don’t know whether to eat or whether he is going to want to do something when he gets back etc. He keeps doing it and every time we argue ge says he won’t do it again, but he does. He worked all weekend but finished about 2.30 yesterday and practically asked permission to go and wash his car - he came back at 9.30!! He text after 5 hours and said he was out with his dad. I’ve told him I’m done - if he wants to behave like a single person and not answer or consider anyone then he needs to be single. Am I being reasonable? I should add that in the past he has had a drink problem and stopped drinking after going to AA. So I spent all night feeling sick with a churning stomach knowing he had been in a pub all that time and whether he was drinking and if he was going to kick off and be nasty when he got home!!

Gosh they are utterly stupid aren’t they? Assaulting you is REALLY going to help their chances at getting full custody. Fucking morons.

Lots of love to you and your lovely baby OP, you got this

To be left three weeks post partum after a section with your first baby is a lot, especially when you don’t have support from your own family. When he comes back I’d act like I managed absolutely fine, apart from the text from the person giving you the heads up. Dont hide that you know. Your mil is an evil b\tch it’s not normal to encourage your son to leave his pregnant partner or 3 weeks post partum for a family party. She’s trying to break up your relationship. Next time you see her let her know you know what her nasty game is . Rest when your baby sleeps .You can do this!

If anything showing up to court with this evidence would go against him! I really wouldn’t worry.

I’d show him this after he gets back.

It’s pretty unforgivable what he’s done in my book. I should also appreciate my mother in law more, yours sounds immature and batshit crazy.

Just wanted to message and add my support and encouragement, you sound like you’re coping so calmly with a really shit time.

How is baby doing, OP? Hope you are continuing to recover well too, birth can be like being hit by a bus at the best of times, let alone your very difficult experience.

You are strong and you are very loved - in your baby’s eyes you are the centre of the universe, he doesn’t know about any of this drama going on and by the time he can understand it will be a distant memory. I hope you both flourish and have a lovely life.

The good thing you have to take from all of this @RudaRudoRude is that your lovely baby is too young to remember any of it. Instead of splitting up when the baby is 3 or 4, and them having trauma from the memories, your little one will only ever remember their lovely mummy and extended family.

I’m so sorry to hear this. Has anyone mentioned a non-molestation order to you? https://www.ncdv.org.uk/non-molestation-order/

You can make an emergency application.

Having read your updates, I wanted to say how strong you’ve been and how well you’ve been navigating a truely awful situation. Your baby is lucky to have you as a mum.

Christ what an update. Unbelievable. I’m glad you’re out of all that, they are clearly insane.

Your foster parents sound brilliant, focus on them and their obvious love for you.

Please think your comments through before posting. He was not horrible before OP got pregnant l that’s the point. Pregnancy is often a trigger for abuse or escalation and it is not the victim’s fault so please don’t make it more difficult by saying things like this.

Shocking update but great to hear from you. What a woman you are.

Keep safe little family. God bless your foster family.

I know it's been a horrible time for you @RudaRudoRude but one day you'll look back and see what a lucky escape you've had, your Ex is a weak, lazy man from an awful entitled family, they'd have made your life Hell. It's ironic, they thought you were beneath them, now they've shown everyone what horrible people they are and handed you all the evidence you need to keep them from being too involved in your DC life. Give your foster Mum my regards please, she's a great woman

I’ve been thinking of you and hoping you were ok. Thanks for updating. It’s good to hear you’re safe and that the ex and his mum are facing the consequences of the awful way they’ve treated you. Well done for being so brave and strong. You’re going to be an amazing mum ❤

Sending you hugs. I’m so sorry you’re going through this right now. I hope they stay away from you. Cannot believe they just decided to turn up and assault you and your foster mum! What on earth were they thinking?! Of course they’d get arrested!!! Would they lose their jobs for having a criminal conviction? If they’re are convicted then I’d tell their employers. Sounds like they are full of anger which is strange as they’re the ones who started all of this?! Do you think finding out about the baby’s name had triggered it?! You’re doing so well. I hope you are all okay and that things get better 💐

Sending hugs OP, so sorry to hear this happened to you, true colours have come out & he's shown himself for the violent coward he is. Keep safe & get all the support you need, you're not alone x

I’ve not RTFT but I’m sorry he is ruining your time with your baby.

In all honesty, I’d run with the affair theory and not register his as the dad…let him believe the baby isn’t his.

Sending you strength

This sounds miserable and I think you could start your own thread for support with it. It's no way to live, and you deserve better.

You poor love. Such a shocking post to read.
You sound so strong and I'm relieved to hear you have such wonderfully, supportive people around you.
You will get through this and, no doubt find a wonderful man to love and support you and your child in the future.
In some ways, your ex and his mum have done you a favour by acting as they have done. It demonstrates that they are the ones who are out of order. If they ever tried to get custody of your child, it will make it much harder, if not impossible for them to do so!
Take care x