AIBU to expect my husband to stay after an emergency caesarean?

[RudaRudoRude]

Name change as outing info before.
I had an emergency c section 3 weeks ago. Baby was 3 weeks early but fine. My DH has gone for the weekend to his parents for a large family celebration. I haven’t gone because I’m still really sore. I had the c section done with general anaesthetic as it was a real emergency they didn’t have time to do a epidural. I said to DH about him not going because I could do with help with the baby. I’m on my own and don’t have my own parents. His mum got upset so he’s gone there to the weekend party.
Now I’ve found out from a message from someone in his family who said to watch my back as my mil is implying that I can’t cope with the baby because I asked him to stay and he should look at leaving me and applying for custody.

I can cope with the baby, I was only asking him to stay because I really am sore and with having to do everything myself until Monday it feels a lot. I don’t know if I’m just hormonal or this isn’t fair. I didn’t think it was unreasonable to ask him to stay but was it?

I'm so sorry you've been assaulted, that's horrific. You are amazing and very clear thinking. They may still have things to loose though. I hope the arrest helps to prevent him from access to your baby, or at least unsupervised.

What horrible people he and his mom are. I would consider staying in touch with the whistleblower relative of their's though, it's good to have allies. But you know best of course.

Thank you for updating, your baby is lucky to have you.

You poor pet.
That is absolutely horrific.
I am so sorry.
Wishing you the best.

How awful for you and your baby. Im glad theyve been arrested and charged. Can you apply for a restraining order against both? This will stop them sending harassing messages and will alsp go against them in any custody battle.

Keep your strength and composure and keep gathering evidence.

So glad you are in a safe place. Thank you for updating us.

How awful for you so sorry you are having to deal with this. Glad you have support and hope you stay strong ❤️

Oh wow! I was so pleased to see an update from you, sorry it’s such a rubbish update😞 hope you’re okay. So glad you’re out of this relationship OP, they’re hellish! So pleased that you’ve stuck to your guns on this. Take them all the way that you can on the charges. Big hugs to you and FM x

Awe OP, you’re not having an easy time at all. Huge respect for how you are handling such a difficult situation. Thank goodness too for your FP. Pleased your ex and exMIL been charged. One day at a time, but just focus as you are on being the best Mum you can in the midst of this maelstrom.

The thing to remember is that although what he did is appalling, in the long run it works well for you.

There is absolutely no doubt now that he and his mother are abusing you, and they lost any chance at all of taking control of you or your son with his actions. Any counter allegations will not be taken seriously on the back of these charges. They are control freaks who have lost control.

I am even more convinced that no one has ever before held them accountable for their actions, and they simply can't cope with having to justify themselves when they know that what he/they have done is unjustifiable. Well done for standing up to them. I know that what he did was horrific and terrifying in the moment (had similar myself) but in the long term you will realise that actually he did you a favour. And the rest of the family will love you for what you have done.

@RudaRudoRude

I'm so sorry this has happened to you! But you are strong and you will get through it!

I hope they get the book thrown at them!

So sorry to hear this op. I went through similar from my parents in law, though not as extreme. The person who should care for you, your baby and have your back is weak and controlled by those do not have your best interests at heart. Such a hard lesson to learn. I sympathise with your earlier rejection too and do wonder if it is a pattern.

I hope you and baby are well.

This. They're all fuckers with zero empathy or consideration.

You sound like a strong woman. I wish you and your baby safety and joy

Bloody hell, he and his mother... what a pair! Shocking!

It must have been a horrible time, OP, but you have done fantastically well. And how ironic that his family looked down on you and considered you come from a dysfunctional family:
Them - charged with criminal offences. Vicious, dishonest, manipulative and with a toxic mother and son relationship, him a terrible and neglectful father who left his new baby with a post-op ill Mum
You - bringing your baby up within a family of (foster) parents who clearly love you and offer rock-like care and support, your siblings, and you, a great Mum.

Which is the dysfunctional family here????

If they break their bail conditions they may well be taken in and kept on remand, so they do have their freedom to lose.

You might not feel it right now but you are amazing. Hang in there, with the help of those who care about you.

Op you are brilliant!

It's not easy to leave a relationship when you're so vulnerable after having a baby. Well done you 👏
I'm so sorry you are going through all of this and that that pair of lunatics have caused so much stress and pain through these early months of motherhood.

I’m so sorry OP. Terrible how this escalated.

you are one strong woman and you have done the right thing leaving him. What a waste of space.

Oh OP, what a time you've had. I'm so sorry this has been your start to motherhood. @Tabarnak is spot on - it's clear that their family is very much the dysfunctional one! You sound level-headed, emotionally mature, and well supported by people who know and love you.

Oh you poor love. At a time when you should have been able to concentrate on recovering and your new baby you've had to deal with all this . And you've done it with courage, strength and maturity. Well done to you. And I am so glad that you have your lovely foster family standing by your side.

I'm so sorry to hear that you have been assaulted by your psychopath of an ex-husband but I'm glad that they've both been charged.

Your foster parents sound amazing and so supportive. I bet the gruesome twosome massively underestimated how supportive they would be and how they would help you fight back.

I wish you and your baby all the best.

JFC. My mother and I don’t get on at all and not even she would do this. WTF is wrong with her. And if I asked my husband to stay he would. I had a totally normal birth and he did everything he could for me. Why do women marry such horrid men.

You have done the best thing ever for you and your baby by kicking him out. I can’t believe he came and assaulted you! I’m glad you’re with your fp.

They have shot themselves in the foot if they were thinking about custody/access, etc as surely this would go against them/him..?

I'm so sorry you have had to go through this. You are such a strong women, I hope you can see that. I'm glad you have your fp for support. They def showed you their true colours, be glad you got out of this relationship now. Wishing you all the best with your little one x

@RudaRudoRude

Glad you’re ok, well, you know.

Blimey! Was pleased to see an update, but that’s a sad one. That sounds very tough! You have a lot going on. Really glad you have your foster family and that they are being such a support.

As others have said, helpful in the long run, but still hurts, physically and emotionally.

You’re doing great!!

Grand parents wedding anniversary is important but own marriage is not. Wow. How can he listen without any reactions to his mother telling him to leave his wife.

You are so strong, dealing with all if this with a tiny baby and recovering from surgery, a wonderful mummy! Your foster mum is amazing too. Glad you have friends and family support. You will get through this. Hope you and foster mum are both ok.