AIBU to be annoyed about MIL coming to toddler class?

[TheThursdayClub]

I’ve been taking DS to a little toddler class which we both really enjoy. SIL has started attending with her LO too - we aren’t particularly close but obviously I can’t dictate what classes she goes to and it’s nice for the children to mix.

The issue is that she always brings her mum (my MIL) along as well. DS is very disloyal sociable and basically makes a beeline for MIL and I’m ending up being the spare part while MIL & SIL participate in the class with DS and DN.

I don’t know if I’m being petty but it’s really starting to grate. It was my special thing I did with DS and now paying £50 a month for MIL to take over.

Since the children have been born, I’ve felt like MIL and SIL will just monopolize the babies and I’m never included (never even got offered a cuddle with DN once!) so this just feels like an extension of that.

I’m thinking about stopping the class and either finding another date or doing something altogether. AIBU and petty or would this annoy you too?

I’d change days or classes and speak to the facilitator about making sure you get “you time”.

no one is stopping MIL from spending time with SIL, it's telling that she doesn't, but grab the OPs child instead. Why is she not focusing on her other grand-child? It's done very much on purpose.

I don't know where you get that the OP is possessive and insecure, she's just a mum who want time with her child and her MIL sounds like another of these MIL from hell.

Oh, grow up, OP. Your child is excited to see his granny. You seem to be endlessly alert to ‘exclusion’.

I would find another class to do with DS. That time is precious and it is over before you know it. MIL may have no ill intent, but I don't think you should be paying for her to have special bonding time with your DS while you are at home mopping the floor (catching up on chores as some suggested).

As an aside I had a realtionship with in laws similar and I can relate that that adds another dimension to this as well. FIL (MIL was not in the picture) was very cold to me and DH, took very little to do with us when dating/ engaged, but as soon as the children were born we couldn't get rid of him. Previously would have gone a month or two without speaking to DH.

I’m sorry to hear that - my own MIL was very frosty when I was dating my husband too, so I do sympathise there. It’s been years and I have not forgotten, I don’t think we do. Basically this has led to you not wanting a close relationship with her as you don’t feel she (or SIL) are nice people. It’s a tough one - I would just change group. When I’m a MIL I will be very careful with my SIL/DIL and make them very welcome ❤️

Yanbu.
The history is that they weren't welcoming, caused a lot of grief at the wedding and have form for not being very nice.

No way would I spend any time with them without it being a necessary family occasion.

Find something else to do with him.
Don't let your husband bully you into sucking it up for family.
They are not your family, they are his!

You're being very weird. A toddler can't be disloyal, they don't operate like that. You on the other hand are a spare part because you're refusing to join in and get involved purely because you're miffed. Be more like your toddler.
But if you are incapable of stopping with the pettiness then yes just find another class to go to

OP has already confirmed that the 'disloyal' comment was a joke. OP is a spare part because her MIL and SIL deliberately exclude her. They don't sit down next to her. They take her toddler away from her so that she is sitting on her own.

OP could elbow her way into their little clique but it would be very uncomfortable as her MIL and SIL have no interest in engaging with OP, only with her toddler.

So you’d deny your child a bit of time and fun with extended family just because your nose is put out of joint? YABU.

And your child isn’t being ‘disloyal’ 🙄 jeez these are threads I want to point to when dumb people don’t understand gender disappintment around having a boy. Everyone knows MILs can’t win - even if they’re just a nice woman who happens to want to cuddle her grandson at toddler group, the DIL will resent that and want to remove it.

Like I said previously - some people have no comprehension skills.

The dynamic with my ex-in-laws could feel very much like the DC I produced were a special sparkly toy for ex-SIL and I should just hand them over to her when she was around.

I thought I was being silly and going a bit mad, until I read about similar dynamics on MN. And then one of XH's aunts commented on it to me privately and said she thought I was very patient to tolerate it. I will forever be grateful to her for unknowingly confirming that I wasn't going out of my mind!

It can sound like nice, caring behaviour if you haven't experienced it yourself.

I think your idea to quietly drop it over the summer is a good one, OP.

Maybe try swimming lessons, if you don't dp them already. MIL can't get in the pool without a child. It was one of my favourite things I did with mine when they were little.

This would drive me mad, approaching summer just use to the time to go to parks, or farms, or swimming or anything else!

I’m a newish granny to my daughter’s baby and although we’re really close I wouldn’t dream of going to a baby class with her. Those are for her and my grandson (mainly her at this stage), to meet other mums and babies. So whilst there’s the usual helping of MIL bashing and ageism on this thread, and this MIL and SIL aren’t necessarily setting out to be mean, I agree with those saying go to something else.