AIBU to be annoyed about MIL coming to toddler class?

[TheThursdayClub]

I’ve been taking DS to a little toddler class which we both really enjoy. SIL has started attending with her LO too - we aren’t particularly close but obviously I can’t dictate what classes she goes to and it’s nice for the children to mix.

The issue is that she always brings her mum (my MIL) along as well. DS is very disloyal sociable and basically makes a beeline for MIL and I’m ending up being the spare part while MIL & SIL participate in the class with DS and DN.

I don’t know if I’m being petty but it’s really starting to grate. It was my special thing I did with DS and now paying £50 a month for MIL to take over.

Since the children have been born, I’ve felt like MIL and SIL will just monopolize the babies and I’m never included (never even got offered a cuddle with DN once!) so this just feels like an extension of that.

I’m thinking about stopping the class and either finding another date or doing something altogether. AIBU and petty or would this annoy you too?

Are there any other toddler classes that you can go to instead? Don't tell your SIL or MIL where you are going.

It sounds as though your SIL and MIL have done this on purpose to push you out. It's completely unacceptable and you need to take a stand.

What's is your DH's view on his mum's and sister's behaviour? Does he support you or does he think that they aren't doing anything wrong? It will be harder for you to stop this if you aren't supported by your DH.

If your baby makes a beeline for grandma and you try to prise him away he is likely to start crying which is really going to look awful and will fit MIL’s presumed belief that baby prefers her.

Yeah I would choose a different class and don’t tell anyone!

If ever there was a use for chocolate buttons this might be it. Bribe him.

I’d book into a different class instead. Don’t talk about it. Then if MIL wants to take DS to the old class, could she do that?

Yep this is the problem, he’ll tantrum if I try and take him back which I do understand as I’m one he’s with all the time so the less interesting option !

Go to a different class. When they ask why, explain truthfully.

How often is MIL able to see your child? Do you have an issue with a relationship with your husband’s side of the family (you said you are not close) how is DH relationship with them? Asking as if she does not see your family that much she might just be trying to form a bond with her grandchild. She does not sound horrible (unless there is more to this that we don’t know) my brother is married to a woman that has gone out of her way to stop him and his children having a relationship with our family - it’s really odd and I can’t think of anything that has happened to create this. She just hates her children being part of our family. My husband’s family are not very nice, but he loves my family and feels blessed to have them.

Just communicate.

You are being too precious. The dear little chap toddles over to other people who also love him. He is so lucky.

Tell MIL that you really miss doing the class with DS and would she try to support DS doing the class with you? Ask how they could suggest that DS remains enjoying the task with you?
Would MIL sit on side?
Make sure you socialise after the class.
You have a family interested in spending time with you.

MIL & SIL drive my husband mad so he does get it but since the cousins have been born he has been very vocal that we just need to get on with it and accept that’s what they are like and it’s all coming from a place of family values…. I feel like it’s coming from a place of them wanting the perfect close family excluding me 😅

I wouldn't do that.

Do they thrive on drama and conflict?
Don't give them any ammo.

They might be the kind of people who loathe being ignored, s-de stepped and not knowing what's happening everyplace at all times.
It will be fun torturing them.
Play the game.

You only need to be evasive and secretive to get the better of them.

She sees him once a week so plenty of time to form a bond !

MIL & SIL weren’t very welcoming at all when DH & I were dating (for 10 years!) and only showed an interest once I was pregnant. They also caused a ton of drama around my wedding. So whilst I have moved on for the sake of the family and my DS, I’m also quite cautious and sensitive about them managing me out the scenario wirh my DS.

Argh, sorry they have spoiled something that you were enjoying and was your and ds' special time together. Find a different activity for you and ds. Tell no one.

Oh heavens no. Fastest route to you becoming the villain of the piece. Don't tell them anything.

It's funny that it's YOUR child your MIL spends time with ,not her own daughter. She knows what she is doing.

Honestly, the only and easiest way is to change the class. Little kids grow up so fast, it's your time you are missing. Don't overthink, don't go into an argument, change class and if they ask, say you have a different schedule and don't commit to a fixed class.

Presuming that you do find a different toddler class.......

When they ask why you were are not at the original class, you could give them the name of a different toddler class that you are not attending at all.
Send them on a wild goose chase.
Torture and wasting their time is the way to go, I think.

In some ways, I think it’s a shame - granny wants to play /see their grandchild

Is it like Messy Play or something? Can you not all do it together?

If you really feel you can’t then you need to go to a class in her hometown or you find one differently.

just don’t tell her that you’re going.

I find it kind of sad that you can’t the three of you all get on and the two cousins play together, especially if they get older

I can't see how they can push you out of playing and doing the activity with your own child?

Just keep being involved and doing it in the same way you would if MIL was just another random parent/carer.

I think by leaving you'd be spiting yourself as you like the group. And so does your kid. But surely there's a happy medium between your MIL and SIL taking over everything and you and your child playing completely separately.

Well, that's the thing, there isn't a happy medium.
The OP is left like a spare part at the toddler class - she said that.

Move to a different class. Don’t tell them
why or when/what this class is. None of their business.

You can accept what they are like, i.e. you know that they won't change, but you don't have to pander to them and let them have their own way.

Just take your son to a different toddler class. Your DH is fine with what's currently happening because it's his mum and his sister. I bet he would be less accepting if your mum and your sister were deliberately taking over and pushing him out when he was looking after his child.

They are being very unfair and your DH is tolerating this and telling you not to rock the boat.

I have elements of YANBU and YABU here - I'll explain why.

YANBU for feeling out out that the activity you enjoyed with DS is being completely taken over by SIL and MIL and you're losing this time with DS.

However, you're blaming MIL for two issues - being there and your DS making a beeline for her. Now, I'm not saying that she doesn't encourage DS to choose her over you, some MIL are like that, but even then it's not all on her. However, it would seem like it is SIL who has crashed your party and brought MIL along for the ride - that isn't necessarily to intrude on your time (although I don't know them obviously) but to try and have some of the joy you're having. I really feel like the squeaky wheel in the machine here is SIL.

For ease though, I would pick another group/day/time etc and keep it to yourself

I'd just start going to something else. It's a good time, with the hot weather. You can just go to the park / beach / a lake etc. Very good excuse!

They’re not going to change so you have two choices. Stay, and put up with it, or move to another class. I’d do the latter.

I really don’t understand why your MIL and SIL attending a class where you also attend would mean they are excluding you? It sounds more like they want to do things with you.