AIBU to be annoyed about MIL coming to toddler class?

[TheThursdayClub]

I’ve been taking DS to a little toddler class which we both really enjoy. SIL has started attending with her LO too - we aren’t particularly close but obviously I can’t dictate what classes she goes to and it’s nice for the children to mix.

The issue is that she always brings her mum (my MIL) along as well. DS is very disloyal sociable and basically makes a beeline for MIL and I’m ending up being the spare part while MIL & SIL participate in the class with DS and DN.

I don’t know if I’m being petty but it’s really starting to grate. It was my special thing I did with DS and now paying £50 a month for MIL to take over.

Since the children have been born, I’ve felt like MIL and SIL will just monopolize the babies and I’m never included (never even got offered a cuddle with DN once!) so this just feels like an extension of that.

I’m thinking about stopping the class and either finding another date or doing something altogether. AIBU and petty or would this annoy you too?

Honestly, I think this is quite nice. Ds gets to see his granny, who he clearly likes, and his cousin. You could sit next to them and chat and build a stronger family relationship. I don't think it's deliberate at all, or if it is then it's deliberate in the sense of "we should try and get a bit closer to OP as we seem a bit distant". Maybe because my in laws couldn't give a toss about my children and I feel a bit sad about it, but I'd love to have been able to watch them build that bond with their other set of grandparents.
However, different strokes for different folks, you clearly don't like it, so I'd stop that class and find another one that you also like so that you get that one on one time with your little one. You can vaguely just say the time stopped working for you etc.

Take advantage of your MIL taking an interest in your child and go to another class with just your child and you.

You don’t have strong connections with your in-laws, but you and SIL both have similar age kids and your MIL is making an effort.

You could have a lot worse to complain about. Eg they don’t bother with either of you at all and she has no interest in your child. I had a nasty MIL I had to go no contact with.

Also if you’re continually having negative thoughts toward them both, they’ll feel that off you. Do you want healthy relationships for your child in future with their family? If so take it that it’s nice they come along and get to know them and be nice. We had none of this with my DHs side of the family. My kids barely know any of them.

Do whatever you need to do to protect your enjoyment and bond with your little one. Don't let yourself be pushed out of your own family life. I have a very similar MIL who elbowed me out of my children's joyful events, in the nicest way so that I didn't recognise it until it was too late and the traditions had been set. I'll always regret not fighting back harder and earlier. Being a mum is so much work. You need to have the joys too, and it's very hard when someone else appropriates them and leaves you with just the hard parts.

Sorry i am beeing blunt. But thats how i see it. SIL and MIL are warm and connecting. Kids love that. You are obviously not. So work on it, as its sad for your son and no wonder he runs to other adults.

Why are you blaming your MiL? She is at the class with her own DD and has every right to be if your SiL invited her.
It's also hardly her fault your DS wants to spend time with her. I'm sure you'd have a problem if she wasn't the sort of grandma he made a bee line for.
Its not U to not want to be in the same group as them. I understand it changes the dynamic.
Find another class, either instead, or as well as this one.

In your situation I too would find another class, and/or switch to a different time.
I can see why you're annoyed, you've paid for this class for you and your DS to enjoy together, and mil and sil have essentially taken that away from you and your DS.
Neither one of them sound sensitive or understanding of other people's feelings.
I'm sure there will be other times that your DS and your MIL,especially as she seems rather pushy, can visit.

are you the overbearing MIL then 😂

You have the patience of a saint if you are already seeing that horrible woman every week!

She is taking YOUR child, not her daughter's child, she's trying to push you away. It's weird, you are the mother, what is she trying to achieve

Find another class.

I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought about cashing in on the situation 🤣

Can you say that as you see them at the playgroup you don’t need to see them again in the week.

I'd go to a different class but just give a blasé "oh we just didn't feel like attending last week / month" or such like. They seem to be a couple of people that will thrive on the drama if they smell a touch of one brewing so don't give them an inch. Don't ever tell them where the new one is either.

Can’t you all sit together as a family? I can’t see that the MIL is “muscling in” or being a “horrible woman”-she is going with her daughter. Are you expecting her to push your DS aside and not interact with him? Seems very weird to me!

Not yet ;) I adored my granny more then my mum and my mum was never jelous. Parents have too many resposibilities, worries etc. Grannies are more in the moment, relaxed during play time, no expectations. At least the good ones.
This connection is precious and so beneficial for your child. I would be so happy if that was my MIL.
As a parent you have your child 24/7. And during playtime its natural that the child runs to others and only proves you are a great mum, that it feels safe to be away from you.

OP is perfectly fine. You know who isn’t warm and connecting? People that act like arseholes and dress it up as being “blunt”.

@CurlewKate the OP says the MIL hasn’t been welcoming to her, not sure I would want to sit next to someone like that.

Also OP maybe trying to make friends with some of the other mums there and have them separate from her in-laws

Why not let them take him to this one so he bond with his cousin and you find another group to go to with him. There are usually lots of free ones in on church halls.

Mother in laws can never win on hear. If she sent DS back to you, you would be complaining that she’s only interested in SILs child and not yours. What is this an hour a week? You get to be with him the other 23 hours of that day and 24 hours the other 6 days. Sit back and enjoy seeing your DS happily spending time with his grandmother, then join another class that’s just the two of you if you want to.

You mean her grandchild who the baby is willingly heading towards?

Op, not quite the same issue however my disloyal toddler makes a bee line for anyone but me! So I am at the classes whilst she is happily entertaining other mums and kids!

I was concerned about this so I asked her paediatrician if she doesn’t like me! And he thought it was funny!

not sure how to handle the in law situation but don’t stop going just because disloyal youngster wants to hang out with his granny and aunty/cousin- it’s a case of putting his needs likes/needs first. He knows who he is mum is! I get mama all day - even cheekily says it for no reason so I come running and she just smiles - treat them mean keep them keen and all that!

There is being blunt and then there is being nasty!

Were not brought up with manners ? Or told that if you have nothing nice to say keep your mouth shut?

Good grief.
Have a chat with MIL! She’s overstepping and needs to be (gently) reigned in. Do it or she’ll do this for the next 16 years!
“Hey MiL it’s great we can all do this as a family, but I would like to spend some of it with little Oscar! Let’s share hey?! Now shall we have a coffee?”.

YABU. Why describe DS as 'disloyal' when he wants to see his grandma? This is not a competition. Your are his mum, but don't forget he has other blood relatives. You can tell by the way you write just how precious you are 'my wedding' 'my son' - neither of which you would have without your husband.

I don't get it unfortunately... I would love my mil to come to toddler classes and my children loving being with her but she lives too far away sadly. Don't you want close relationships for your child with grannies and cousins? At the end of the day she will never manage to push you out because it's your child and your child will love you more than anything so I would just relax and enjoy it. In fact let her take him and go have some peace or book another class for you and your son doing something else too?

Its your baby that makes a beeline for mil and sil. He is the one betraying you here. LTB (at home?💁)

no advice. my mil sometimes joined me and I loved that for my first born. My second missed out due to covid. so obviously its about the preexisting relationship with mil and sil, and am sad for you. You should be enjoying this very short time not spending it in resentment. Can yo join thm when ds gies to them? otherwise you either have to ask them to fnd an alt (they will likely refuse and it will heighten the tensions) or you have to find alternatives since you are the one bothered.

That's a really horrible thing to say. Why do you think that OP isn't warm? MIL and SIL certainly aren't kind or welcoming to OP.