AIBU to be annoyed about MIL coming to toddler class?

[TheThursdayClub]

I’ve been taking DS to a little toddler class which we both really enjoy. SIL has started attending with her LO too - we aren’t particularly close but obviously I can’t dictate what classes she goes to and it’s nice for the children to mix.

The issue is that she always brings her mum (my MIL) along as well. DS is very disloyal sociable and basically makes a beeline for MIL and I’m ending up being the spare part while MIL & SIL participate in the class with DS and DN.

I don’t know if I’m being petty but it’s really starting to grate. It was my special thing I did with DS and now paying £50 a month for MIL to take over.

Since the children have been born, I’ve felt like MIL and SIL will just monopolize the babies and I’m never included (never even got offered a cuddle with DN once!) so this just feels like an extension of that.

I’m thinking about stopping the class and either finding another date or doing something altogether. AIBU and petty or would this annoy you too?

That really is infuriating! And I’m a MIL (no GC yet though).

Some people are so insensitive and self absorbed. They like to show off how popular they are no matter how much they upset other people. She’s had her chance of being a mum and while I disagree with the extreme MN approach of not letting a MIL anywhere near her GC she should also not take over. It’s very rude and hurtful.

TBH it would make me not want to invite her. I never get in the way between my son and his girlfriend and if anything encourage them to prioritise each other and I would certainly adopt the same approach with any GC. It’s lovely to be included but it doesn’t mean you can overstep.

Let it be for this term then try a new activity next term with extended family and also enjoy one-to-to-one with your child doing something else. Could you try non-fee-based activities like going to a park with your toddler and his grandma and save the money for you and DH to spend on a fun activity with your child when he’s
home? from your child’s point of view they love and cherish time with each of you

I think the OP is saying her child goes and sits with MIL, and the SIL, MIL and toddlers then carry on as if OP wasn’t there/they don’t interact or engage with her.

Yes, she’s the ‘treat’ person who he sees less often; you’re the most familiar person who he can safely turn his back on!!! That can get to you - but it’s normal.

What isn’t normal is how MIL is behaving.

He obviously likes them and feels comfortable with them. The more people who love a child the better.
Why not do what PPs say and drop him off with them and go and have a coffee and a mooch

maybe the OP would like to spend time with HER child? Some of us really enjoyed the early years?

MIL had several kids, she had a chance, can't she let her mum having her time?
If parents go to toddlers class instead of putting their kids in a nursery for a few hours, it's because they also want to be there?

I had similar problems with my sil and mil but As you say it’s nice that they mix, and it’s a time to bond with them. So why not stick with it but also find another time or place to go with your child alone without them. There will come a time when things will change as they get older and you’ll look back on these days and be glad that they had this chance to form relationships.

another thing to try is to sit next to mil so you can intercept the cuddling and her taking over in a purposeful but discrete way, can you try and be more in the centre of the action ?

Same here - I have DS26 and GF, no DGC, and I can see how wrong this is.

I’m not saying my PIL got everything right - who does?- and I had concerns about their views on car seats and the placing of hot drinks on low tables, but they never tried to claim they could look after our DC better than we could, nor did they try to claim them by saying they only looked like their side of the family. I can remember MIL handing one of them back to me saying ‘he wants his mum’, or similar, meant entirely positively.

It wouldn't bother me. I'd be glad if somebody took over. But if you're not happy that's fine. Just go on a different day.,

But OP is spending £50 a month to do an activity she wants to do with her child.

I'd not be paying £50 so a difficult MIL can play with my toddler and ignore me.

In your place I would find another class

I do feel for you OP. My MIL and SIL were constantly together, and if I was on my own with DS and met them they would be all through his pram, commenting on things to each other, and I often felt like saying ‘I’ll just leave you two to it with my baby, shall I?’ It was very clear they were happy to see DS, but would have preferred if I wasn’t there. It’s very frustrating. They didn’t behave like that if DH was there.

I used to get upset about it, but looking back 32 years later if I were you I’d just find another class and enjoy your DS.

Oh yes I’d be fuming. Putting up with them for the sake of family time is all very well, but this your special outing with DS. Find another class/activity and tell NOONE.

I'd definetly find another class ( and don't tell them where it is )

It really depends on whether DS enjoys the present setting. To whip him out because of the MIL seems like an over reaction. It's about him, not you

It's very important for children to have quality time with their mum, it's also about him.

He can have just as much fun in another class, shame MIL is spoiling that moment for them.

How are you being managed out,you say your son makes a beeline and tantrums if you try to take him back so seem to be blaming your mil for being there, like it’s malicious. It doesn’t appear she’s taking him and not letting you have a look in.

How is she spoiling it. She’s just going. It’s the kid makes a beeline and tantrums when she tries fk take him back. It’s hardly like the mil is grabbing him and keeping him,

I would definitely move to another class. If you don’t want to explain this then book another class that falls around the same time and then move this current class to another day. I do get you that they are encroaching on your time. your mil should be steering your ds back to you- if she was a good Mil.

@TheThursdayClub you need to train your disloyal sociable DS in the same way I train my disobedient spirited spaniel. A tube of squeezy cheese/chocolate buttons/pom bears in the pocket that you slip to him after giving a code word. He’ll begin to associate code word with treats and will run to you when he hears it. I suggest your MILs name so as you say through gritted teeth “oh hello Doris!” your adoring son rushes straight to you not her 😬🤣

I would cut my losses and stop attending the classes. Absolutely unacceptable to be excluding you!

Brilliant 🤣

and I’m ending up being the spare part while MIL & SIL participate in the class with DS and DN.

she's not participating with DN, is she. It's only the OP who is being left on the side.

MIL is spoiling the class, OP should just find another one, with no drama.

Sounds like MiL has nothing better to do. Shouldn’t she be playing boules or going to the local WI? 🤣

I would find another class/session. I get it, it’s your thing you want to do with your child and you’re getting sidelined. I wouldn’t like that either.