AIBU to be annoyed about MIL coming to toddler class?

[TheThursdayClub]

I’ve been taking DS to a little toddler class which we both really enjoy. SIL has started attending with her LO too - we aren’t particularly close but obviously I can’t dictate what classes she goes to and it’s nice for the children to mix.

The issue is that she always brings her mum (my MIL) along as well. DS is very disloyal sociable and basically makes a beeline for MIL and I’m ending up being the spare part while MIL & SIL participate in the class with DS and DN.

I don’t know if I’m being petty but it’s really starting to grate. It was my special thing I did with DS and now paying £50 a month for MIL to take over.

Since the children have been born, I’ve felt like MIL and SIL will just monopolize the babies and I’m never included (never even got offered a cuddle with DN once!) so this just feels like an extension of that.

I’m thinking about stopping the class and either finding another date or doing something altogether. AIBU and petty or would this annoy you too?

I think op it's unfortunately just not going to work. I'd quietly start going to another class and not let on to them about it. You could do it as well as this one if you wanted but honestly I'd hate sitting like the spare part every week so I would not be paying for that privilege.

What a deeply unpleasant thing to say. Are you familiar with toddlers at all?

The wee one is not running to granny to get away from op or because of anything op is going wrong. They are seeing someone they see weekly and it's a novelty. What an appalling thing to say.

Find another class or date, must be so frustrating

But you said you are not doing it with him because MIL takes over. So if you're not spending time with him then just go to a different class.

Sounds like you have a much larger issue than a baby class tbh

OP has also said that that they weren’t welcoming during 10 years of her dating her DH and that they caused drama around the wedding so it doesn’t sound like it’s as simple as just getting on with them. The stress of unpleasant in-laws leaves its mark, unfortunately.

Yes, I'd use the time to bond with both of them. It is good for you to have support-there will come a time you'll need help-and it's great for your kid to have a close family.

I’d be very matter of fact about it and socially polite so she can’t have a go, so I’d say I can only afford the one class and it was time I loved spending with ds, but while it’s great ds loves you, once you came too it meant I didn’t get that time with ds. It would be fine if I could just afford a second but I can’t so I’ve changed classes <do not say where> I’m sorry it means I miss out on catching up with you and sil! Maybe there’s something free we can all do together?

Thanks for all the comments everyone - I can see on the FB thread that I’m being criticized for my use of disloyal which was a joke btw!!

I’ve taken on board the comments about MIL not being able to ignore him when he engages with her which is a valid point. I think it’s just that she’ll scoop DS up and then her and SIL are taking constant selfies of themselves with the children so feel like I’m just being airbrushed out of it !

It’s a sports class so lots of throwing / kicking between the mums and toddler & running whilst holding hands etc so quite hard to do with 2 adults and only 1 child.

DS isn’t hugely into it yet so think I’ll use the summer as an excuse to bow out and find something else to do with him instead. I know a few people have said to just let MIL do the class but it’s my special time with him & also I don’t have the money to be paying for mil to do this class and then finding something else to do with ds.

I’d definitely join another group, what about mum and baby swimming classes or something , say you fancied a change.

you are being sensitive and i feel that there is another dynamic that the mother sister and your husband have a emeshment issue and you feel a bit like a outsider. your son is going to your mother in law as its his nanny but understandably you feel upset as you want quality bonding time with your son without them. so the only answer is to change class time or find a completely new group. they will ask why you are not attending.so you can lie or be truthful good luck

Some people on here have no comprehension skills.

But it isn’t bonding time for the op, is it?

It is paying money the op can’t necessarily afford to just book herself another class so she can also pay for grandma time she’s not part of.

Swap days or chose a different class she’s had her turn.

Do you know why they behave towards you like they do (when you were dating/drama about the wedding)? You said they drove DH mad with their behaviour but he's fine about it now you have DS - is that maybe because he doesn't have to be involved with them now that the attention has shifted to DS and you have to deal with them more?

Some grandparents do monopolise children, it can get too much. You deserve your time and the your young child… book a different class.

I think you are making the right choice, do a different class or same thing on a different day. If mil wants time with DS, that’s fine but not at a class you are paying £50 a term for.

As if they're doing this deliberately. Two adult women plotting to travel to a baby class to steal OP babies attention on purpose so she feels left out 😂. A more positive spin would be they think its nice that the two kids are in the same class and maybe they will spend more time with OP aswell. If you dont like it fine, don't attend any more but thats down to your preference which is completely valid but don't make up some baby attention stealing scenario. That narrative will go nowhere positive for you or your baby in the future.

I dont see the problem....it's a toddler class. It's nice to have family close by who want to be involved. Just have the time together. Or even better....ask MIL to take toddler to the class and you can go and have a coffee in piece....heaven!

To some of us here - including the OP, who knows the situation - this is exactly what it sounds like. They didn't like the OP, had no time for her, but now are all over the baby, not her. They are travelling from the next town over to attend a class they know the OP goes to, without discussing with the OP. That alone is some breach of boundaries, if they are trying to build a relationship with the OP instead of trapling her.