AIBU to be annoyed about MIL coming to toddler class?

[TheThursdayClub]

I’ve been taking DS to a little toddler class which we both really enjoy. SIL has started attending with her LO too - we aren’t particularly close but obviously I can’t dictate what classes she goes to and it’s nice for the children to mix.

The issue is that she always brings her mum (my MIL) along as well. DS is very disloyal sociable and basically makes a beeline for MIL and I’m ending up being the spare part while MIL & SIL participate in the class with DS and DN.

I don’t know if I’m being petty but it’s really starting to grate. It was my special thing I did with DS and now paying £50 a month for MIL to take over.

Since the children have been born, I’ve felt like MIL and SIL will just monopolize the babies and I’m never included (never even got offered a cuddle with DN once!) so this just feels like an extension of that.

I’m thinking about stopping the class and either finding another date or doing something altogether. AIBU and petty or would this annoy you too?

You might as well because as you say, you can't dictate where others choose to go.

But as an aside, I have 3 kids and have never 'offered' cuddles from them to anyone.

If anyone ever wanted to hold them as babies, I assume they would ask.

I’d find another date. I understand your frustration.

YANBU - I used to do these type of classes on mat leave as a way to meet other mums and spend one on one time with the baby, I'd have been annoyed if I had to 'share' it too - especially with someone who doesn't need to be there (your MIL). Obviously you can't control what they do, so I'd find a different class.

I would find another date or another class and just don’t tell them.

Yes, I’d just quietly and without drama go to another class. It’s you who doesn’t want to be with them so it’s you that’s going to have to make changes.

So would I. Spectacularly thoughtless of her to take over your baby in this way.

If you live rurally or in a small town I'd assume SIL will keep popping up, you can't really stop her, or begrudge her taking her Mum along.

You say you’re not very close, maybe they attend to spend sometime with you? If you don’t like it just find another class

Or chose option C. Ask MIL to take your baby along and enjoy an hour to yourself.

I was going to suggest this

Great minds

Just what I was about to say!

I like doing it with DS though so don’t really want to be handing it over to MIL!! Which I suspect is what she and SIL would prefer anyway!

OP says she’s enjoys the session so why should she hand over to MIL? Given what OP says about MIL & SIL taking over the babies the last thing I would be doing is handing DS over to them.

We live in different towns!

Exactly ! I feel like MIL & SIL try to push me out the picture anyway and this is another way to get that family time they want without me being there

So that is very interesting- they really
have deliberately set out to take this over.

You can’t stop another mother from going to a class.

You could try and stop your own son from making a beeline for his grandmother but that seems like a difficult one.

So all you can do is either accept the way it is or stop going.

Oooof. I'd ask the provider if there's different sessions even if I had to travel a little, I think.

YANBU, my DS is the same with mil, if she comes to an activity with us I know I’ll just be a spare part. She then makes it worse by dramatically apologising that DS prefers her.

Im not really sure what you can do about it though! If it were me I would probably just look for another class. Appreciate that you shouldn’t have to though.

YANBU.
Find another time, date or place to attend a toddler group.
Don't tell those two.
Just pretend you gave it up.
Be very vague.

They're doing this deliberately. Shame on them.

It seems that way to me as well. If I did baby sensory or something like that and my MIL came from another town to the particular class I went to, when there were others available, I’d be both suspicious and annoyed.

As a PP said, your MIL shouldn’t be taking over like that anyway when she sees your baby at these classes. She should be stepping aside more and be sensitive enough that when your baby runs up to her, she gives a quick cuddle then hands them back so that she doesn’t interfere with you spending quality time with your baby.

They aren’t really doing anything wrong, maybe try to develop the friendship and the relationship.
it’s important to your ds to have family around.
Your Dc or dn sound similar ages, so you might end up in these situations a lot.

Yes this. Say something vague about a new class that's not actually your new one. Would be interesting to see if they then said 'we went but didn't see you!'

Why do you not make it so you are the one to participate in the class ? MIL should sit on the sidelines.

Yes, absolutely. OP has my sympathy - and I hope she has a DH who is not a mummy’s boy.