To be upset about invitation

[aquamariner]

A colleague is getting married in a few months . We are a small team of ten. I’m only recently seeing a man . We’re in our fifties. It’s going well.
The invitations arrived today. I am invited solo. All other team
members are married or in a long term
relationship.
Theor oh have been invited . I’m the only one invited as a solo.
Im hurt and embarrassed and do not want to go but I’m in the management end of things so I feel like I must as it’s the right thing to do . AIBU to feel upset ?

Not to them!!! They are long term partners or spouses! You have known this boyfriend 5 mins! You are being completely bonkers. It costs a fortune to have people at a wedding

No. We wouldn’t. She is a work colleague. Not a close friend. Not family. Guest list will have been done way before she was seeing this recent man. She, along with most of the other work colleagues, will have been invited out of politeness in the first place.

Makes sense to be honest! I did the same for my wedding. We only had 120 guests so some group of friends from
work, I asked them not to bring plus ones. No one got offended and it was a destination wedding. Weddings are expensive so people unfortunately have to choose.

I think some people are being harsh on here. Plus 1s used to be common years ago when a lot of weddings were buffet type rather than sit down meals. I can understand how the OP feels if she is going to be the only work colleague without a partner there.

Also it's unusual to invite all work colleagues and spouses to the main part of the wedding.

Agreed! But I think we are the outliers. Everyone who came to the daytime of our wedding got xx aww a plus one, whether they were in a relationship or not.

Many people I know say 'no ring, no bring' when it comes to wedding invites and 'plus ones.' So if the the person you're inviting, isn't married or engaged to their partner, then the partner doesn't get an invite. Bit unfair on people who have been together 10+ years and aren't engaged or married, but it is what it is. To be fair, most people who have been together 10+ years are married or engaged. If they're not, then they are going to have to accept that some people won't regard their relationship to be as valid as a couple who are married. Even if the married couple have only been together 2-3 years.

You have only got together recently (I assume a few months ago) @aquamariner It's ridiculous to be upset that your new boyfriend is not invited to this wedding. Most people wouldn't invite the new boyfriend of someone, as many people need to keep the numbers down for weddings these days.

With the expense of weddings these days I think she is being very generous inviting her whole work team.

I think ten is quite a big team! I’d have just invited the ten people tbh, not the spouses 🤣. I absolutely wouldn’t invite a new partner I’d not met.

I was invited solo to a colleague's wedding and I have been married 18 years! It was fine and actually was nice to have a fun day with work mates and not have to "look after" my husband who didn't know anyone

I agree. I never invited anyone from my workplace to my wedding (30-ish years ago.) They were workmates, not friends or family, and there were about 25 of them, so I would have had to have invited all 25. (And if what the OP is on about is to be believed, all their partners too!) 😬

If I had invited just a few (or even half) and left the others out, the ones left out would have all been offended, so it was easier to not invite anyone from work. It was a small-ish wedding anyway, with just 32 guests, so my work colleagues weren't really too bothered about not being invited.

I did have an old schoolmate write a pretty shirty letter to me though about how she was devastated to have not been invited to my wedding. She was gutted that she 'had to find out about it from someone else.' 😖

The local newspaper used to have a feature where most couples who had got married in the town were printed in the newspaper. The photographer and the couples allowed it of course... And someone who knew this old schoolmate saw it, and told her 'guess what, ZOV has got married!'

I didn't write back to her. I hadn't seen her for about 3 or 4 years, and she had had 2 engagement parties some 4-7 years earlier, (YES 2! 2 years apart,) and her 21st birthday party, and I hadn't been invited to any of them. Indeed, we weren't even close friends ... Ever. We were just made to sit together at the same desk in primary school, as all the children had to sit in alphabetical order, and we were next to one another alphabetically. This is when we were 9-10. We hardly had anything to do with each other in senior school as we were in different classes.

But she was SO upset that I hadn't invited her to my wedding! 😬

You might not even be seeing him in a few months so why would they invite him? One of my close friends started seeing someone just after we had sent out the invites and as the wedding got closer she asked if he could come but we had maxed out our numbers so we said he would be welcome to the evening but we just didnt have space in the day. She was fine with that. If we were getting married now he would have been invited as they are in a long term relationship, but back then, no. I think most people understand that weddings these days are too expensive for random plus ones and only invite those in long term relationships, or in a lot of cases not at all. I really dont see why you would feel it was embarrassing though 🤷‍♀️

@aquamariner I can totally see where you’re coming from. It’s nice to be invited but a plus 1 at least gives you the option of bringing a friend. I think when all the other partners (who are also strangers to the wedding couple) were invited then inviting a plus 1 for you wouldn’t have hurt. Do you get on well with the colleague who’s getting married and the other people in the team? Do you feel a bit ‘on the outside looking in’ as you’re management? Regardless, I don’t see how most poster’s here are being so dramatic, they must love going to weddings on their own!

OP if you were sent a plus 1 would you bring your partner or a friend? Does your partner know about this invitation and would he have liked to go or isn’t that bothered?

OP, if you didn't have a boyfriend would you got by yourself to the wedding? Are you undecided about not going because you don't want to alone (under any circumstances) or because your boyfriend was not invited?

Fair question and also in the knowledge that you’ll know plenty of people from work there.

I’ve gone to weddings where I have only know the bride or the groom at least four times. And another one coming up in October!

I get what you mean about a plus 1.
Others have it, why can’t you too? A plus one doesn’t have to be a spouse or long term partner, just company on the day.

Honestly, I think you could seriously freak out the person you're seeing if you suggest he is your date to a wedding! It's just too soon for this all round.

My best mate got married. I had been seeing a guy for 5 months going well, but she asked if I could come alone...I ended up marrying him with kids etc.... I dont resent my friend at all and understand why she didnt want to do a plus 1 for a near stranger.