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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about invitation

192 replies

aquamariner · 29/05/2026 23:16

A colleague is getting married in a few months . We are a small team of ten. I’m only recently seeing a man . We’re in our fifties. It’s going well.
The invitations arrived today. I am invited solo. All other team
members are married or in a long term
relationship.
Theor oh have been invited . I’m the only one invited as a solo.
Im hurt and embarrassed and do not want to go but I’m in the management end of things so I feel like I must as it’s the right thing to do . AIBU to feel upset ?

OP posts:
ConverselyAttired · 29/05/2026 23:40

You're not going to get a plus one for a 12 week relationship when the others are for spouses and long-term partners.

SnappyQuoter · 29/05/2026 23:44

Why would you have a plus one? You’re not married or in a long term relationship. You’ve been dating a guy for 3 months. Why would they pay £2/300 for him to attend? It’s normal and expected to invite long term partners of your friend, so you suck up that cost. But they really don’t need to extend plus ones to everyone, especially those who are single. Get over it.

YourWildAmberSloth · 29/05/2026 23:46

aquamariner · 29/05/2026 23:31

Of course I’m not comparing mine with anyone else’s🤣 Im saying that im
the only
one going alone as I haven’t been invited with a plus one and bearing in mind that the bride and groom don’t know any of the teams spouses/ partners either , I was hurt and embarrassed that I was the only one that got the solo invitation

There will be others with solo invitations, although not necessarily in your group. Your colleagues are going, so you will know people there. Hurtful and embarrassing would have been to invite everyone else but you.

Familyandmore · 29/05/2026 23:47

My wedding was a long time ago but can remember I only invited friends partner if in a long term relationship . It’s not that hard to understand.
i was invited to a wedding last year for friends daughter and my husband wasn’t invited because her daughter didn’t know him . All good and husband picked me up.

SummerInSun · 29/05/2026 23:48

“Plus one” in the sense of “bring any other person you chose to invite” are not a thing I’ve ever come across in practice, although exist in theory. Weddings are just way too expensive to add extra numbers by letting people bring a date. Inviting a married couple or couple in a long term relationship is not letting you colleagues bring a plus one and not you, it’s a completely different thing. And I bet the bride and groom to be are desperately hoping some of the spouses skip it anyway to keep costs down! I’ve only ever been to two colleges’ weddings. Both times DH was invited; both times he stayed home with the kids and I went alone (and had a blast).

Franjipanl8r · 29/05/2026 23:50

I had a plus 1 to a colleague’s wedding and my boyfriend dumped me the week before the wedding and I ended up having to explain to all my work colleagues why he wasn’t there. It was astronomically awkward. Definitely don’t take a new partner to a colleague’s wedding.

Plishplosh · 29/05/2026 23:52

@SummerInSun

I remember I had an open plus one at a wedding I was invited to back in 2012. I was single but I guess my friend was hopeful for me that I might meet someone haha But in the end I just came myself though even though I could’ve invited a friend.

I can’t remember if I was casually dating anyone or anything, but if I was it definitely wasn’t serious. So I didn’t see the point of just dragging along any old person to the wedding just so I am not (gasp!) going solo.

CamillaMcCauley · 29/05/2026 23:53

You are being utterly unreasonable to expect that the guy you’ve been dating for a few weeks will be invited to a colleague’s wedding and even more unreasonable to be “hurt and embarrassed”.

Can you actually articulate what is hurtful and embarrassing about it? Do you have such intense social anxiety that you are scared of going to a wedding on your own even though you will know all your colleagues? Do you feel single people should be embarrassed about their status?

GingerdeadMan · 29/05/2026 23:54

YABU to expect an invite for such a new boyfriend.

But I can relate to getting sad/ awkward attending your first wedding post divorce (if I've read your posts correctly? )

Don't go if you think it'll make you feel shit. I did miss one friends wedding when I was in the throes of a horrible divorce. She understood. But you might enjoy it, especially if you know lots of other guests?

MmeDubois7 · 29/05/2026 23:54

I would expect a new boyfriend to be invited. To be honest, work colleagues don't usually invite spouses. If you feel uncomfortable, don't go. Make your excuses. Being in a managerial role is irrelevant.

Jellox · 29/05/2026 23:56

I presume that the team know that they’ve been with their spouses for a long time, so felt they had to invite them.

YABU but I do find their way of doing it a bit odd.

Surely it’s either a plus 1 wedding or it’s not.
I’ve not heard of only some of the guests having a plus 1, unless the bride or groom actually know both of them.

ShepherdsBlanket · 29/05/2026 23:58

aquamariner · 29/05/2026 23:31

Of course I’m not comparing mine with anyone else’s🤣 Im saying that im
the only
one going alone as I haven’t been invited with a plus one and bearing in mind that the bride and groom don’t know any of the teams spouses/ partners either , I was hurt and embarrassed that I was the only one that got the solo invitation

It’s got nothing to do with whether they know them, it’s a matter of a acknowledging the longterm committed relationships of your colleagues — if you’d still been unhappily married, your ex would have been invited. But they’re not going to invite someone you still may not even have slept with or know more than fairly basic things about.

FlockofSquirrels · 30/05/2026 00:01

I don't think they've done anything wrong, here. 3 months of dating is a short time and you'll have other guests from work to talk to if you go.

But it's also ok to feel self conscious at going to a wedding solo for the first time and being the only one in the group that isn't married/in a long-term relationship.

The good news is that you do not have to attend a coworker's wedding, and if you don't have a substantial personal relationship outside of work then you don't even need to think twice about RSVPing no. This isn't the level of relationship where you're expected to bend over backwards to make their wedding, so just say you're not able to make that weekend, wish her well, and send a card and small gift as you wish.

Solaitt · 30/05/2026 00:08

aquamariner · 29/05/2026 23:39

3 months

You’re being absolutely pathetic.

This man is practically a stranger to YOU never mind the bride and groom.

Wreckinball · 30/05/2026 00:08

If you don’t want to go solo, politely decline and if anyone asks you’re pre booked for a weekend with your new man

NiftyKoala · 30/05/2026 00:10

If you are in management or honestly even as a coworker you will undermine your professionalism so terribly complainiabout this. I have second hand embarrassment reading this. Please do not do this.

beasmithwentworth · 30/05/2026 00:12

But it’s not about if they are strangers or not. They are all in long term relationships and it’s an acknowledgment of that. Try and look at it from the bride and groom’s point of view and not yours. I am long term single but if I met someone now or even 6 months ago there is no way I’d have an expectation of my new partner being invited. YABU.

Ohdearnotthisagain · 30/05/2026 00:13

Odd reaction from you.

Greengagesnfennel · 30/05/2026 00:18

You can see from the voting - The not inviting your plus one says nothing about whether she wants YOU at her wedding. All your friends and colleagues will not be batting an eyelid at this. It’s totally normal not to invite +1’s who are new. It doesn’t say anything about how much she values you or wants you there. YOU have been invited to her most special day. It will be fine on your own as you know other work colleagues going. Enjoy the day.

feckingmassivecakeandvesttop · 30/05/2026 00:26

I totally get the awkward going to a wedding solo is you aren't used to it thing. Personally, I'd politely decline due to previous commitments and send a lovely present and card. They will probably breathe a huge sigh of relief that the boss isn't coming and you don't have to grit your teeth through an awkward evening.

AplineDaisies · 30/05/2026 00:31

Does your colleague know about your new boyfriend?
I am quite brazen. This happened to me and I just asked my friend if anyone dropped out, is it possible to let my boyfriend to come to the wedding (we had been together about 4 months but she had met him a few times).

She later invited him. Less than a year later, her and her husband attended our wedding..

bostonchamps · 30/05/2026 00:33

It’s people like the OP who make what should be an exciting and fun life event - planning a wedding - so stressful. And fucking expensive.

Get a grip, this is not about you.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 30/05/2026 00:35

PoppinjayPolly · 29/05/2026 23:20

This, would you spunk £200+ on a meal for someone you don’t know? @aquamariner who should she dump from her invite list to let your new
boyf come!

Show quote history

I know things have gone up since I got married 22 years ago but £200 pp? Is it a tasting menu?

And FWIW I didn't have any colleagues at my wedding. We did invite a couple of people we both worked with when we'd met though.

BerryTwister · 30/05/2026 00:38

Jellox · 29/05/2026 23:56

I presume that the team know that they’ve been with their spouses for a long time, so felt they had to invite them.

YABU but I do find their way of doing it a bit odd.

Surely it’s either a plus 1 wedding or it’s not.
I’ve not heard of only some of the guests having a plus 1, unless the bride or groom actually know both of them.

Presumably the numbers were planned and invitations sent before OP met her new boyfriend

Remindmeofthebabee · 30/05/2026 00:39

YABU I only invited long term/serious partners to my wedding. We made it very clear it wasn’t a plus one and if they were to break up it didn’t turn into a plus one (as happened with one guest).

I think it’s very rude to have a wedding and not invite someone else’s long term partner but not rude to not give someone a plus one.