Active discussions

Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about invitation

192 replies

aquamariner · 29/05/2026 23:16

A colleague is getting married in a few months . We are a small team of ten. I’m only recently seeing a man . We’re in our fifties. It’s going well.
The invitations arrived today. I am invited solo. All other team
members are married or in a long term
relationship.
Theor oh have been invited . I’m the only one invited as a solo.
Im hurt and embarrassed and do not want to go but I’m in the management end of things so I feel like I must as it’s the right thing to do . AIBU to feel upset ?

OP posts:
CodeAmber · 30/05/2026 09:35

Three months?? WTF? You barely know him yourself….

Passingthrough123 · 30/05/2026 09:37

There is a difference between inviting someone's long-term spouse or partner to a wedding or giving them a +1 where they could bring any old random friend.

OrangeSlices998 · 30/05/2026 09:44

I probably would give a plus one if I liked someone enough to invite them to my wedding, if I could afford it. Maybe I’m BU but I wanted people to enjoy our wedding.

MeltyMomenrs · 30/05/2026 09:47

@aquamariner
I'm sorry you're feeling hurt & embarrassed.

However, I think this is more about your own feelings. It's much more common these days to invite individuals rather than adding a +1 (mainly due to the expense I guess) is it making you feel like they judged you not being with your new b/f or any boyfriend by then? It's not easy to do things like weddings 'solo' when you've been married for a long time and not done them as a 'solo'

I think they should have +1 (if you want!!) your invitation if you were the only one at work really, but don't take their social jnclmotence personally! They may be inviting other friends as solos and not noticed you are the only work friend they invited solo.

it will be fine, you'll be fine. You can do this!!

Dryrobe45 · 30/05/2026 09:49

Weddings are very expensive, so people tend not to issue plus 1 invitations these days.
Go to the wedding OP, and have a lovely time.

ForPlumReader · 30/05/2026 09:50

Never understood why partners are invited to work-related weddings. Surely it is easier to just invite the team, unless everyone knows each other already. My experience is that they are always awkward.

MeltyMomenrs · 30/05/2026 09:53

Samysungy · 30/05/2026 09:11

I have never been given a plus 1 during a wedding. I think it is bad form. Expecting someone to sit there without anyone they know. I went to a wedding in Sept and it is fine sitting and talking to ppl on your table but as they get up and mingle then you are left having to sit there alone.

Show quote history

She'll have plenty of colleagues there to talk to.

you can mingle as a single!

ForPlumReader · 30/05/2026 09:57

Passingthrough123 · 30/05/2026 09:37

There is a difference between inviting someone's long-term spouse or partner to a wedding or giving them a +1 where they could bring any old random friend.

Why? Surely they invite spouses so that the guests will enjoy the evening more, not because the bride/groom want to spend time with a random spouse. It doesn't make any difference to them, so why not (other than cost) let you bring someone. Its much nicer to have a friend with you if everyone else is coupled up. I guess it depends on how close your workmates are, and if you know their spouses.

Plishplosh · 30/05/2026 09:58

OrangeSlices998 · 30/05/2026 09:44

I probably would give a plus one if I liked someone enough to invite them to my wedding, if I could afford it. Maybe I’m BU but I wanted people to enjoy our wedding.

You’re not BU to offer plus ones to all guests. I had an open plus one before.
But someone else isn’t BU either if they choose not to extend plus ones to everyone- even if they can afford it .

I’ve attended weddings on my own and enjoyed it. So you are
BU in implying you need a plus one to enjoy a wedding!

Maybe me and my friends know a lot of friendly open people but I’ve never had to go to a wedding and just sit on my own because I came by myself.

Even people who came coupled often split up and mingled seperately for a lot of the time or were happy to include anyone in their conversations.

We need to get away from thinking we can’t do anything alone or it’s “sad and awkward”

That attitude is partly why a lot of people stay in “shit” relationships.

GoodkneeBadKnee · 30/05/2026 09:59

So don't go. Have a lovely day out with your "partner"/ boyfriend instead.

Krevlornswath · 30/05/2026 10:02

It isn't about the fact they've not met the others spouses either, it is about the fact that those with plus-ones are with long established partners. You haven't been singled out OP, you just don't share those circumstances and what they've done is quite usual for a wedding invite, even more so given these are colleagues (rather than say, family).

I get that going to things alone isn't always fun for some people, and that for you it might be nice to be able to take the person you're dating to this but that's by the by really, you will by the sounds of it know several people there so it isn't as though you are expected to attend alone with nobody to socialise with and this is about celebrating their wedding.

If you don't want to go then make an excuse or go and leave early. No point taking any of it personally or fixating on imagined slights

BillieWiper · 30/05/2026 10:06

Why would you be hurt and embarrassed that a colleague (not a friend) didn't invite your brand new boyfriend they've never met or never heard of to their wedding?

I think you'd better not go as you sound too oversensitive.

NerrSnerr · 30/05/2026 10:06

With a 3 month relationship there is a big chance you might not even be together by the time the wedding comes around!

RainyTuesdayBlues · 30/05/2026 10:12

I've only just come to this thread but am amazed by the responses. I'd expect any invite to have a plus 1, the point is to make your names guest feel comfortable.

I have never recieved an invite without the plus 1, even when I was single or the inviter hasn't met my partner.

Ive been married for donkeys though so things must have moved on. It appears that paying for a meal for a random is more important than the comfort of your guest now.

IwanttoWFH · 30/05/2026 10:16

Is it a full day invitation or just the evening? I invited work colleagues to the evening only and they all had plus ones for their husbands/wives as evening guests only cost £25 pp. Day guests were £130 pp.

We had a small wedding and only had 25 guests during the day. I only made the exception for one single person to bring a plus one and that was for two reasons 1) she didn’t know anyone else and 2) was travelling for several hours to attend. I wanted her to feel comfortable. All the other single people lived locally and knew others there.

In your situation, you do know other people going (your colleagues) and you will have other people to talk to. I would never invite the boyfriend of three months to my wedding. Husbands and long term partners of close friends and family, yes.

Samysungy · 30/05/2026 11:18

llikeyourbum · 30/05/2026 09:25

I don’t attend weddings if there is no plus one invite. I went to one without my partner and just felt sad and awkward all day. I didn’t enjoy it half as much without him. It’s the couple’s prerogative not to invite a plus one, and it’s your prerogative to decline politely.

This...it is not fair to invite someone who then feels they are awkward all day. Not so much during the meal when you are all sitting and talking but after that when ppl get up and move about more then you have to choose to either tag along or go and talk to random strangers on tables or sit alone. It is no fun.

Brides and grooms do not think about this and it really isn't nice for their guests.

ValueofNothing · 30/05/2026 12:12

Not sure a three month relationship with someone means their your partner yet. Partner usually implies something long term.

ShepherdsBlanket · 30/05/2026 12:17

Samysungy · 30/05/2026 11:18

This...it is not fair to invite someone who then feels they are awkward all day. Not so much during the meal when you are all sitting and talking but after that when ppl get up and move about more then you have to choose to either tag along or go and talk to random strangers on tables or sit alone. It is no fun.

Brides and grooms do not think about this and it really isn't nice for their guests.

Show quote history

For heaven’s sake, the OP knows all of the rest of her team who are invited! Eight other people she works with on a daily basis. She’s hardly going to be crying alone in the bathroom.

ForPlumReader · 30/05/2026 14:33

ShepherdsBlanket · 30/05/2026 12:17

For heaven’s sake, the OP knows all of the rest of her team who are invited! Eight other people she works with on a daily basis. She’s hardly going to be crying alone in the bathroom.

Show quote history

I think the dynamics completely change when partners/spouses are included.

TFImBackIn · 30/05/2026 14:59

I'd be upset. I've been to weddings on my own and unless they are family weddings I found it really uncomfortable and boring. It's nothing to do with going with a boyfriend or whatever, but having a friend there. It makes all the difference.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 30/05/2026 15:10

I don't have a partner but I have been invited to a wedding soon, with a plus one.

Just saying

Teedeedum · 30/05/2026 15:11

I think you are being a bit selfish OP if I am honest. I was invited solo to a wedding of a friend and work colleague and was delighted to be included in their special day. Especially as other colleagues only got an evening invite. So I put on my big girl pants and went alone and it was fine. It was about them and not me and not personal. At least you know people going along too so have company. I knew noone except the bride and groom until the evening guests arrived and I survived 😉

Wingingit73 · 30/05/2026 15:14

Go on your own or make your apologies. Id go. Get over being embarrassed. It makes no sense

ToTheRamen · 30/05/2026 15:45

I had a friend who was going to a wedding without a plus one, as her husband was away. Oh my word, did she harp on about it. As if it was a Terrible Trial she would Valiantly Endure. She bought an incredibly unflattering hat and had a perfectly fine day, as everyone talks to everyone at weddings. Don’t worry about it. Tis no big deal.

SapphireSteel28 · 30/05/2026 17:23

aquamariner · 29/05/2026 23:39

3 months

Sorry-I think you’re being unreasonable. I was invited to a wedding after seeing my former partner for 4 months-I thought it was strange to be invited-we’d split up before the wedding! I hope they managed to fill the space!