To be upset about invitation

[aquamariner]

A colleague is getting married in a few months . We are a small team of ten. I’m only recently seeing a man . We’re in our fifties. It’s going well.
The invitations arrived today. I am invited solo. All other team
members are married or in a long term
relationship.
Theor oh have been invited . I’m the only one invited as a solo.
Im hurt and embarrassed and do not want to go but I’m in the management end of things so I feel like I must as it’s the right thing to do . AIBU to feel upset ?

Why 2 posts about it?

Out of interest, what does your boyfriend think?

Any plus ones at my DDs wedding will be another £150 which may explain why you are invited as a single person.

Sorry but it's absolutely delulu to expect to take your boyfriend of three months with you to a colleague's wedding.

I'm with you on this one. I wouldn't like it either. Sign of the times I guess. How awkward not having any company to talk to. I wouldn't go... I bet they expect a present though!

Why wouldn't the op have anyone to talk too?

You should all have had a plus one invitation OR all had single invitations depending if the colleague could afford to feed 9 or 18. It's unusual not to have done that. If all of your other work colleagues turn up with their partners, you will naturally feel like the odd one out. Manager or not, I'd have a pressing engagement that day. With my partner. "Sorry, Janice. Steve booked surprise tickets for the theatre that day. Have a wonderful time."

But then the wedding of a colleague sounds like the dullest thing ever, to me so I'd be saying the same thing even if I had a plus one invitation.

Very surprised by the comments here. When we got married, we invited my husband's colleague / friend's new partner. We didn't know her. But why would we want to make someone feel weird at our wedding? We wanted him there and partners (however recent) are part of that. They are still together 13 years later.

But they are all LONG TERM partners. There's a big difference to your very short term date

And with respect, please don't feel uneasy about being alone. Therein lies a deep need for therapy imo

Exactly.

This exact thing happened to me a few years ago. I’d been with my boyfriend (now husband) for 6 months at the time of my colleague’s wedding. Her and I were very good friends, and she had met him in passing. However I was issued a solo invitation to her wedding, while all the other colleagues had their partners/husbands invited. I wasn’t bothered at all! She explained that the guest list was tight and she felt bad but had to draw a line somewhere, so her and her fiance had decided on no partners of less than a year. I was the only one affected in the colleague group, but across the whole wedding there were several people who’d had their short term or non-existent partner plus-ones cut. She sorted the table plan so I was between two colleagues, with their partners on the other side of them, so it felt less like I was an odd one out and more like we were there as a three. Once everyone was up and dancing, you’d have had no way of knowing who had a partner there anyway - most of the partners stayed sitting at the table and we all went and danced together.

That being said, if you’re really uncomfortable, then you don’t have to go.

It's completely unreasonable for you to expect a plus one for a random.

Does the work colleague actually know that you’re seeing someone?

I think you’re being ridiculous. Yours is a new relationship. Weddings are really expensive. Just don’t go, I’m sure the bride would rather you didn’t turn up with a chip on your shoulder, even if you are on the management side of things.

There’s no ‘should have’. It’s up to the couple how they allocate the budget they have.

I can understand you feeling a little hurt. Take no notice of the snippy replies here, they’d all feel exactly the same way in the circumstances.

Weddings are expensive and need planning. Adding a plus 1 onto lots of invitations makes it really difficult to plan and cost.

You’re not “making” anyone feel weird at the wedding by them having to come alone. If someone feels weird that’s on them.

I’ve been alone to weddings and made friends for life. Okay by friends I mean Facebook friends for life 😆 but even then my point is I had a good time and made some new connections.

And they don’t actually “have” to come if they’re that dependent they can’t go alone. They can decline.

This is really quite disturbing, it’s incredibly selfish trying to make their wedding about you and you say you’re management, you want them to shell out and pay for some random bloke you’ve been dating about 12 weeks? And to pay for you to have a plus one, irrelevant of who you bring

give uour head a wobble,

What now, how is it making someone feel weird, I was at a wedding recently and the grooms father didn’t have a plus one and he’s been seeing his current partner 6 months, it’s great you’d enough money to invite all random new partners but try to understand not everyone is daddy warbucks.

You're surprised that not everyone does weddinga the same? 😂

Have you somehow missed all the bazillion threads about wedding issues?

There's always a solos table at weddings, iv3 been married three times so I have planned a few weddings, and been the solo too, surprisingly. It's where all the hot wild ones are, you'll have a ball.

I went to a lot of weddings on my own and didn't much like it, so I can understand apprehension

But YABU to expect bride and groom to invite such a new partner. It's their wedding, not a public ball

Glad to hear there are other confident people who can go and enjoy themselves at a wedding solo. I find it bizarre that it’s an issue for some people!

OP have you ever been single long term in your life ? How long were you single between your “shit marriage” and this current guy? Do you ever go to big social events yourself??

I wonder if there are deeper issues at play because even one of my best friends who has had the same partner since she was 16, now 38 and 3 kids later can happily turn up at a wedding or social event herself. And even if she is with her husband she will make an effort to speak to others at events whether they’re in a couple or not. They’re not glued together.

The only thing I don’t like about going to weddings alone is the expense if you’re needing to stay in a hotel or get a taxi back yourself.

I had to decline a destination wedding once to a country in Southern Africa, as the flight was just too expensive plus I’d have to be in a hotel myself.

One friend had a wedding in wales where her parents rented out this castle that we stayed in for two nights and they paid for it all. All we had to do is cover costs if we had extra drinks and I don’t drink so didn’t pay a penny. It was bloody brilliant! But I appreciate most people can’t /wont do that and I don’t expect it. If I can’t afford to go to any event be it a wedding or a milestone birthday I just won’t.