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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about invitation

192 replies

aquamariner · 29/05/2026 23:16

A colleague is getting married in a few months . We are a small team of ten. I’m only recently seeing a man . We’re in our fifties. It’s going well.
The invitations arrived today. I am invited solo. All other team
members are married or in a long term
relationship.
Theor oh have been invited . I’m the only one invited as a solo.
Im hurt and embarrassed and do not want to go but I’m in the management end of things so I feel like I must as it’s the right thing to do . AIBU to feel upset ?

OP posts:
PurpleThistle7 · 30/05/2026 07:25

I think it’s a bit surprising they invited anyone’s spouses. Or indeed invited any of you as it doesn’t sound like any of you are that close if no one has met anyone else’s partners. But I can absolutely see why they wouldn’t invite a random man to their wedding.

Gateappreciation · 30/05/2026 07:27

When they were drawing up the lists, you’d probably hadn’t even started dating him. They’ve done nothing wrong.

whens the wedding?

Stoicandhappy · 30/05/2026 07:40

I’m single, I get it, but YABVU.

usernames98751 · 30/05/2026 07:44

Just maybe they didn’t invite him out of concern that YOU would feel akward you would have to bring him, even though you’ve basically just met him?

sunnydisaster · 30/05/2026 07:48

I didn’t invite new boyfriends of friends to our wedding - - just too expensive. Long term, yes. Not all my friends had partners so it wasn’t like anyone was left in their own (one came later as an evening guest but not to the meal part). All my work colleagues were evening guests.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 30/05/2026 08:02

Are you one of those people who can't go anywhere by themselves?

andnowwhatdowedo · 30/05/2026 08:08

Could you treat this as a challenge OP? You've been invited to a wedding without a plus one. You can't insist on bringing someone, so either you decline the invitation or see how it works to fly solo.
If you go, there will very likely be other single people at the wedding so you won't particularly stand out. You will have people to chat to easily because you know quite a few guests who are your colleagues. You could make a point of chatting to new people as well, dancing perhaps, reminding yourself that you don't have to worry about whether your boyfriend is enjoying himself amongst all these strangers.
You're single because you left a marriage that wasn't meeting your needs. There's nothing to be embarrassed about.

CostOfLoving · 30/05/2026 08:27

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 30/05/2026 08:02

Are you one of those people who can't go anywhere by themselves?

I was wondering similar - and whether OP was the type who stopped bothering with friends, especially single friends, when married.
I can't imagine losing your identity to such a degree you need a partner to go with you.

OneFunBrickNewt · 30/05/2026 08:30

Oops voted YANBU by mistake! Of course you should not expect a bf of a few months to be treated the same as a married partner.

Applecup · 30/05/2026 08:35

aquamariner · 29/05/2026 23:39

3 months

As mumsnet is fond of saying ‘it’s an invitation not a summons’. Don’t go if you feel uncomfortable. Say it clashes with something.

Sunshine1500 · 30/05/2026 08:37

yes you’re being really unreasonable, sorry. You wouldn’t have even met the guy when they were printing the invitations.
Go and enjoy the wedding with your colleagues.

Bestfootforward11 · 30/05/2026 08:44

It makes sense they didn’t invite your boyfriend as it’s a new thing. Keeping costs down would mean not offering a plus one. I doubt they thought about it more than that so no reason to feel hurt. It doesn’t mean they think any less of you. You know the other people at the wedding too.
But I understand why you feel a bit off balance when you will be the only one without a partner and within the context of your previous bad marriage. But you need to embrace this. You are your own person and don’t need to come as part of a duo. There’s no reason to be embarrassed. It’s not a failing to not be a long term relationship- in fact it’s an achievement to have got out of a shit one. Others might be coming in pairs but their marriages inside might be what yours was. There isn’t one way to ‘be’ and you need to go there and celebrate the wedding of your colleague, wishing them all the very best with genuine joy in your heart while at the same time thanking the Lord you are free. I think it would all actually be more complicated with your boyfriend there.

Smellmyfart · 30/05/2026 08:53

I imagine she has been planning her guest list for a while and its likely that it was finalised before your new relationship.

Plishplosh · 30/05/2026 09:01

usernames98751 · 30/05/2026 07:44

Just maybe they didn’t invite him out of concern that YOU would feel akward you would have to bring him, even though you’ve basically just met him?

yeah I was thinking this too. I wouldn’t want to invite someone to a wedding I’d just been dating for a few months, so perhaps their colleague was thinking the same and in her mind she was doing OP a favour.

Especially if the wedding is 6 months + away. I’d feel it was a bit presumptuous /risky to make plans so far in advance with a guy I’ve just started dating, while we are in the very early stages of getting to know each other!

Gremlins101 · 30/05/2026 09:09

You said yourself they are all married or in LT relatio ships, whereas your new relationship is very recent. Thats why he is not invited. They've never met the guy.
We didnt invite random plus ones to our wedding, only those where we knew the partner.

Original poster
aquamariner · 30/05/2026 09:11

Again… they’ve never met any of the others spouses or partners. They don’t know them either but I take you point that we’re new.

OP posts:
Samysungy · 30/05/2026 09:11

aquamariner · 29/05/2026 23:18

I am but would have liked a plus one invitation even if I didn’t have a boyfriend.
I can’t explain why I feel embarrassed. I guess I’ve never been invited or gone to a wedding solo before .

I have never been given a plus 1 during a wedding. I think it is bad form. Expecting someone to sit there without anyone they know. I went to a wedding in Sept and it is fine sitting and talking to ppl on your table but as they get up and mingle then you are left having to sit there alone.

Plishplosh · 30/05/2026 09:11

OneFunBrickNewt · 30/05/2026 08:30

Oops voted YANBU by mistake! Of course you should not expect a bf of a few months to be treated the same as a married partner.

You can change your vote btw. Not that it’ll make much difference either way 😆the overwhelming majority voted she’s BU. It’s more or less unanimous.

Plishplosh · 30/05/2026 09:19

aquamariner · 30/05/2026 09:11

Again… they’ve never met any of the others spouses or partners. They don’t know them either but I take you point that we’re new.

Yes most of us aren’t saying it’s because they’ve not met your partner.

We are saying it’s because you’ve barely met your partner if you’ve just been with him for 3 months!

OK, I’m exaggerating a bit but the point is you don’t know him that well compared to how others know their husband or long term partners.

In my 20s I saw people got burnt a few times letting friends invite men they didnt know that well to events like big birthdays and engagement parties. Often there was some kind of mishap. It’s just not worth it.

Learn to do things alone! Go, mingle, have fun!

Brownpuppy · 30/05/2026 09:20

I bet half the invited partners wish they hadn’t been invited 🤣

AgentPidge · 30/05/2026 09:20

I would feel the same as you, but this came up in a discussion on etiquette on Radio 4 the other day and the outcome was that spouses and long-term partners should be invited, even if the bride & groom haven't met them, but not to invite a random plus one. So there you go!

Go to the wedding. Pin on a smile, be confident and style it out. It's their wedding - it's not about you. You will have your colleagues to talk to.

RoseField1 · 30/05/2026 09:23

aquamariner · 30/05/2026 09:11

Again… they’ve never met any of the others spouses or partners. They don’t know them either but I take you point that we’re new.

That doesn't matter! You are being very unreasonable to expect a 3 month boyfriend to be treated the same as a long term relationship.

rrrrrreatt · 30/05/2026 09:24

I got married last year and we didn’t do generic plus ones. We friend’s partners we’d never met if they were long term but not short term as we needed a fixed guest list to budget for.

I went to 10+ weddings as a single adult before I met my husband and never had an open ended plus one so I don’t think they’re the norm nowadays?

llikeyourbum · 30/05/2026 09:25

I don’t attend weddings if there is no plus one invite. I went to one without my partner and just felt sad and awkward all day. I didn’t enjoy it half as much without him. It’s the couple’s prerogative not to invite a plus one, and it’s your prerogative to decline politely.

C152 · 30/05/2026 09:32

You are being unreasonable, OP. Weddings aren't cheap and unless you're loaded with money to burn, you don't issue a 'plus 1' invitation. It's not a slight and it doesn't mean your colleague likes you less than anyone else.

It doesn't matter that the partners of other team members have been invited. They've been invited because they are either married or are in a long-term, committed relationship. I don't mean to be rude but, at 3 months, you're just dating.

Aside from the fact that weddings are boring, there's nothing wrong with going solo. You need to work on being comfortable with yourself and appearing and doing things by yourself, like going to the movies, going out to dinner etc.