Aibu to ask if you would judge

[PforPaprika]

I know of a woman, she has 3 children to 3 different men, she has a new partner and was joking about having another one. Would you judge someone with 4 kids with 4 different men?

Yes . Even though I have three by three myself !

I think everyone has an initial judgment tbh - rightly or wrongly it’s just what happens .

No I wouldn’t judge. I probably wouldn’t even think about it. I don’t really think about other people’s lives and children at all, I’m too busy with my own.

No.

My life is hardly up together. I’m in no position to judge anyone else.

Yes I would, but only privately. I would think they make poor life choices and don't learn from their past situations. But it would be silent judgement, it's not my business, unless they were close family, in which case I would be concerned about the level of avoidable complexity they were introducing into their life.

What happened to the men? If they all died in mysterious circumstances, yes. If they were three random one night stands, yes.

Yes, I would be judgmental about this. This isn't about a woman's sexual freedom, it's total irresponsibility. Not fair on the children to have a new 'dad' /siblings out of the blue. No stability for them. What will they learn about relationships. Clearly the woman puts her relationships before any child she has. I would question who is paying for the children too. And before anyone piles on and says that it's as much the man's fault - not really unless she has no autonomy over her own body. Relationships break down, but you don't have kids to cement new ones!

I mean, she loves her kids so much she gave them all their own daddy!

I think I’d be like - come on girl 🙄

Why does anyone need four kids though? I think two is fine imo, or maybe three max

I would judge. A lad I was in school with has 4 children with 4 different women. He's now engaged and living with another woman (and I'm honestly surprised there's been no pregnancy announcement there yet). I think he rushes into having children and I dont think that's fair on any of the kids.

Having a kid as a joke is pretty shitty.

Yes I would judge. Unfair on the kids.

my first thought is that I couldn’t cope with 4 kids. It’s up to her, maybe I would judge a bit

Because a lot of people don’t see a relationship as “proper” unless they have a child

I remember back when my DC were at primary school over 30 years ago a one mum was a bit surprised both my DC had the same dad. She had 3 by 3 different men then. Many had 2 by 2 different men, 30 years later its pretty much standard for some to have multiple kids with different people.

Would people judge a man who had 4 kids to 4 different women-
the same
less
more

Yes I would judge. And likewise a father with 3 kids from 3 relationships would also be judged. I'd wonder if that parent missed sex ed class.

I won't lie, I even judge people with kids who have 2 different fathers depending on the age gap. If it's a small age gap, I'd question why they felt the need to have another child with a different person so soon. It's tough on kids. And I say this as a stepmother so my husband has multiple kids with 2 women.

I think most people would inherently judge, even subconsciously.

I would pity the children.

Well straight people having sex can lead to pregnancy, so surely it isn’t really any different to just having sex with three different people without becoming pregnant.

Yes, I judge lots of situations, as I believe most people do however only some admit to it. We are human beings, inquisitive about others, curiosity is perfectly normal as is our right to have an opinion, hence a judgement.

No. I would be more likely to judge someone for wanting four children than to worry about the parentage of the ones she has.

As long as she can support them and isn’t palming them off on no mark men its none of my business.

Have you heard of contraception?

Depends what the circumstances are.

I know someone, married had 2, got divorced. Met someone else together 6/7 years later then split when she was pregnant. Eventually met someone else maybe 5 years later, got married had another one, been married around 18 years now, so no I wouldn't judge her.

Someone having children quickly with every man, maybe I would judge

I might idly wonder what had happened regarding the relationships, but any judgement of mine, would make no difference to the situation.

Yes, and there people who genuinely think contraception works 100% of the time?

Yes I would and I would judge a man who has had 3 children with 3 different women the same... actually a little more harshly. It would be private judging though.

Depends. If she is rich and can take care of all these kids without state help, then crack on. If not, well yes I’ll judge.