Aibu to ask if you would judge

[PforPaprika]

I know of a woman, she has 3 children to 3 different men, she has a new partner and was joking about having another one. Would you judge someone with 4 kids with 4 different men?

So it seems the issue for most people is if she claims benefits..

Wow I didn’t know that yeah that’s crazy I always wonder how it works if some fathers are involved and others aren’t 😔

I imagine that’s because the tax payer will be feeding and housing them if she claims benefits. Personally I don’t care.The children will turn 18.
I think it’s a complete shit show to have lots of different fathers with varying degrees of involvement. An unrelated male in a household is incredibly dangerous for young children. Some women just can’t be alone? It’s incredibly sad and rather pathetic too.

I thought more people would be concerned about the children involved, latest partner been together less than 6 months 😬

Did the fifth one hang around?

I would judge someone for not thinking about the impact on their children.

And do you judge your friend for allowing her to be one of those impregnated by that "prick" when she knew he already had 3 kids by 3 different women?

Honestly OP, yes I’d judge.

Unless of course she was no1

So is it ok to have loads of kids with the same man if she can't afford them? If the answer is no then what difference does who fathered them make?

How many people think of the impact on their kids when having another even with the same father. Why is the impact different?

Yes absolutely. I'd also judge a man for having 4 kids with 4 seperate women too.

A very new dart board then?

I’ve heard it referred to as a 4x4.

Yes I probably would judge to be honest. I would judge someone who had 3 by 3 different men too but it’s not my place to judge anyone’s life choices so that’s on me, not them.

I probably would privately judge. There is obviously a pattern repeating itself and a refusal to learn from it and instead a doubling down.

I know this will get some backs up, but the idea of having different children by different men gives me the absolute ick. I can’t really explain why, but I personally find the idea gross.

We don’t know that they’re getting child benefit though. I’ve never been entitled to child benefit.

Well I certainly wouldn’t want a man I’d known for less than 6 months around my children. You didn’t mention that in your original post though.

Id imagine most women have slept with more than 4 men. I certainly have

Well someone having 4 Kids to 4 men probably hadnt been with them very long!

Yes, of course, why wouldn't they?

On the wider question, I don't think it's good for the children, it has the potential to create severe inequality (one dad is poor, one dad is rich, one dad is doting, one dad has abandoned them etc). Also, can she afford without tax payer support? If she can then it's up to her, if she can't it's irresponsible.

Yes, I would judge. But would never admit to doing so on a public forum

Yes I’d judge her and I’d feel so sorry for the DC.

Tbf, probably more. A Mom of 4x4 is more likely to be the primary carer for all 4, or at least 5p/50. A man of 4x4, statistically, isn't.

I wouldn't judge a stranger If it was a friend, I would secretly feel bad for the kids having to put up with all the various comings and goings of 4 various Dads coming to collect their kid. How would the kid with the shitty Dad feel if the other 3 have great Dads who take them off to Disney every year and support them through Uni etc. Will the kid with the bad Dad then feel like their life is shit compared to their siblings etc.

For a start, my kids all receive the same experience from their Dad. If we divorced, he'd have the 3 kdis the same amount generally speaking. My friend has 2x2, one involved, one not. I can't imagine how hard it is for the older lad never seeing his Dad. He sees the younger ones Dad a bit, but not as much as his brother. That's a lot of inequality.

Now make the one of the four hypothetical Dad's rich, he does 50/50 care and the kid always gets new stuff, no other kids. Loving step Mom. Richard grandparents willing to pay for education and will leave a decent inheritance.

Dad two does Eow and a half decent job in between. A new baby sibling and an indifferent step Mom who moans he comes over too much. Grandparents around a bit, but not much money.

Third has a chaotic life. There one month, not the next. Three other half siblings to three other women so he barely has a relationship with other kids as access is chaotic. Always a new women. grandparents are pretty absent and toxic when they're around, always blaming the women.

4 disappeared before the baby was born. Never been around. No grandparents. Nothing. Just a gap.

You don't think the impact on those kids when she's contemplating the next baby is different to full siblings?