Aibu to ask if you would judge

[PforPaprika]

I know of a woman, she has 3 children to 3 different men, she has a new partner and was joking about having another one. Would you judge someone with 4 kids with 4 different men?

I'm sorry that you feel your husband would judge you for choices your grandmother made. I think the problem is him not you. Is he generally narrow minded or do you feel you need to meet expectations he sets?

That answered one of my questions. But the thinking behind that puzzles me when very soon the relationship turns out not to be proper enough to stay in. I know any relationship can break down, but these kind of relationships often seem to have a very quick turnover.

So I suppose I do judge, but I also wonder why a woman would want to have the hassle of coparenting with 4 different men, when one alone can often be a pain in the bum

Same here.
It is of course a generalisation and I'm sure that women who can support themselves financially do this too but I think in most cases the state is picking up the tab.
Let's be real, how else can the average divorced working woman with a small child afford to do this?
In terms of time and money.

I know of a woman who had a 2-year-old child at the time she split with the husband, she doesn't work and a year later is pregnant by another man.

He's not even a hard-working, dependable, but maybe a bit boring ordinary guy who you could imagine being a good stepdad where you could argue well she made a good call, he's a charismatic loser who's never worked in his 35 years.

I'm sure it's an anchor baby as quelle surprise he was a fwb.
Though why she'd want to be anchored to this guy I don't know.
Clearly her lust clouded her judgement.
That's it really, lust clouding judgement.
Inability to think of consequences. The long-term.
Like have they never experienced lust before and realise that it wears off?
Incapable of learning through experience.

Yeah I'm sorry, I'm judging.
Pisses me off.
No f*ing way are those 2 kids going to have a good start in life with these two adults in the household.

Yes. Children need a stable home life with consistent adults.

Yes I would. I would think she loves men more than her own kids!

Context? Was she in serious relationship with any/all? Do any have a relationship with their child? How is she as a parent? Is she careless or (as you seem to suggest) does this ‘accidentally on purpose’? Yes I would judge.

I would, but I wouldn't say anything to anyone. Especially not to the person concerned. It's none of my business (but yes, I would judge)

Yes I would, poor kids.

Yeah I would initially. Wouldn’t stop me being friends with them though!

Would I judge a woman and not the men? No. Would I judge a woman who has had a lot of sex partners but not the men? No. Single parents get enough shit while the blokes normally get off with paying minimal or no maintenance. Why is it women who are always judged on the baby making process 🤔

Bloody hell.

Children are not souvenirs. You don't need to collect one from every person you lay down with. It's utterly irresponsible and unstable for the children.

How does custody work? Are the siblings all in different places all the time? How does she schedule pickups? Where does she get the mental capacity to deal with 4 exes? How much energy does that leave for proper child-rearing?

She should take a pause on relationships too. Who are these idiots who keep impregnating her? They obviously spare no thought for their offspring either.

Only if she was expecting the taxpayer to fund her choices.

I would, I’m afraid, unless she had the bad fortune to be widowed more than once.

But also I’d be concerned, this is clearly not a very stable person, not a stable life and I’d worry about the standard of parenting that she could offer to these children. I’d struggle to manage two children on my own, I’d suggest four would be too much alone for all but the most superhuman mother.

Completely after. After the second dad/mum I don’t understand why anyone would involve a third dad/mum. The children aren’t the priority here, it’s all about the parents having the new baby experience.

I mean you could get married, that makes it proper!

It’s appalling. (sorry, that was definitely a bit judgemental but that was my immediate reaction! Poor kids!)

So you mean Ulrika Jonson who was known as 4x4 is fine and shouldn’t be judged because she’s rich?!

I shouldn’t judge but I would privately.

I think that comes from the old fashioned way women were conditioned to give a man a child, like that was all we had to offer.

Unless there were good reasons I’d be wary of a man who had children by two women. Any more than that I’d assume he was a complete shite.

Yes

I think so women think if they get pregnant the man will stay. Unfortunately not, and less likely with every baby.

This thread is not about men, though. Besides which, and while I am no MRA by any stretch of the imagination, men really do have no say in whether the baby is born or not.
She - rightly-has full authority on that matter.

Well sometimes they do stay, however, no doubt it is at the back of their minds like is he here for me or the child?

Though I do think that even if he does stay, often, not always-far from it-he just turns out to be a cocklodger who behaves like a teenager so he may as well not be there, anyway.
In fact, when the lust wears off for her, it's like she's got an extra kid.