Aibu to ask if you would judge

[PforPaprika]

I know of a woman, she has 3 children to 3 different men, she has a new partner and was joking about having another one. Would you judge someone with 4 kids with 4 different men?

It would depend on a lot of other things. And even if I did quietly think it seemed more like accessorising than building a family, it wouldn't mean they weren't a loving parent.

Maybe however I try not to judge anyone but I probably would raise a silent eyebrow if I'm honest

I wouldn't judge her for that on its own, but I'm afraid I would judge her if she introduces each of them to her kids as their 'new Daddy'. I've known kids who are on their third 'Daddy' before they've started school, and I do think that's a great pity,

I’d say well done to her for staying and raising three kids alone, but maybe have questions about the 3 dudes who left…….

Feels like it’s always mothers who get the worst of the judging. Choosing to start again with someone new, or walk away from a bad relationship, or have a second kid with a less than perfect partner, or not have more kids.

Is this you OP?
Sorry but I would judge and think the person had made bad choices. It's non of my business and I would never say it outloud to anyone and I wouldn't gossip about it.
I'd just be wondering about the security and the message that sends to the children.

Me too, shes done well to raise them herself

Which begs why she'd want another with s new guy 😬

I think its human nature to judge other people by your own standards, no matter how much you try not to

Omggg op, is this about you?

Sorry if ive been rude, not intending to shame you, I just think having a 4th is so much!

I'd wonder why and be very happy it's not my life.

I’d inwardly judge yes. I then wouldn’t think more of it unless it came to my attention that they were social welfare scroungers then I’d definitely judge.

I do privately judge a bit, yes. I don’t think it’s great for the kids to have lots of different men coming in and out of their lives like that. 😕

I would judge the man more, at least the women stick around to raise them (not ally).

Yes I would judge. Choosing someone to be the other parent to your child is a huge decision and not something that should be taken lightly. I would judge anyone who had seemingly made the wrong decision three times in a row or not cared enough to think it through in the first place.

Yes and I’d judge a man who had lots of children to several women too. Then I’d remind myself that it’s not my business. But I would judge.

No it’s not me

A lot of people have low standards and even lower iqs .

I would judge - I imagine it’s a confusing and chaotic home for the children.

Yes, I'd judge a man or a woman who had four kids with four different people. Wouldn't say anything to them, of course, but I'd think it was pretty poor behaviour, assuming they hadn't lost three spouses or other committed partners in a series of tragedies.

Depends on the circumstances. Relationships break down so I wouldn’t judge someone for having children with someone new, but if she’s very quickly moving on and bringing the new man into her children’s lives then I’d feel sorry for her children as that’s a lot of instability for them. I also would judge someone for having another child just to prove the relationship is “proper”.

Yep I absolutely judge. My DD has a friend who is one of 4 kids all with different dads. They live in a 2 bed housing association flat and the mum and 4 dads have never worked a day in their lives. DD friend is a lovely girl and stays with grandparents (dads parents) every weekend and every single school holidays. Child 2/4 has contact once a month with dad, child 3/4 not allowed around dad as child protection order and child 4/4 has dad still living with them. I wouldn’t have 4 kids sharing a bedroom to start with, let alone have more kids I couldn’t afford, and then there’s the 4 dads all with different levels of contact.

Although I also know a lady with 3 kids by 3 dads. She works her arse off running a cleaning business, rents a house with suitable space to raise 3 kids and all 3 dads actively involved. Also big age gaps, kids range from 15 down to toddler age. And I’ll admit I judge her a lot less than my DD friends mum.

Yeah I’d judge and would be nice to her face but not someone I’d choose as a friend as clearly has total lack of good judgement and yes id judge a man the same. Just Chaotic for everyone involved.

Then that's all good then IMO

Honestly, in this economy, 3 different sets of CMS (if the dads pay), good for her.

Natasha Hamilton who was in Atomic Kitten actually has 5 children by 5 fathers. Wild.