Aibu to ask if you would judge

[PforPaprika]

I know of a woman, she has 3 children to 3 different men, she has a new partner and was joking about having another one. Would you judge someone with 4 kids with 4 different men?

Well this is the question isn't it. It could be first baby at 18, split at 20, new guy at 22, baby at 26, split at 27, new guy at 30, baby at 35, split at 36, new guy at 40, baby at 43.
Or it could be first baby at 24, not I na relationship. Guy 2 moves in before baby is born, gets pregnant 6 months after baby is born at 26 and relationship ends. New guy moves in a year later, baby 3 at 28, leaves him and moves new guy in at 30 and has a baby at 31.

They're quite different circs.

I know someone who has 8 kids by 7 men 😲 - the last two have the same dad (i think)

I wouldn’t judge her for the different dads part (none of my business who she sleeps with), but I would think she wasn’t putting her existing kids first. sane thing for men.

I do know some who’s sibling all have different dads and they got teased mercilessly at school for it

I was lucky that my marriage was a goid one and I managed to carry three children to term. I did have secondary infertility, so I empathise with women who opt to be LPs/less than ideal circumstances. I only judge women who are shit mothers, neglectful, but have another baby. I also judge men for the same.

It’s easy to judge without knowing the reasons why the previous relationships broke down.

I know a lady who has 3x3, she is hardworking owns 2 homes all 3 children are adults doing very well and all have lovely dads, everyone’s happy.

I have 2x2 and I’ve seen peoples faces drop when they realise Dh is not my eldest dad. My sons dad died in our 20s and there is a large age gap between my 2, I'm so very glad i got the chance to be a mum for the second time.

They both sound bad to me

I think I judge him more tbh. There's a sense of repeatedly walking away from children he'd fathered without giving it much thought.

Eh?

Well neither is ideal but
18 Relationship baby, 20 split, 22 new guy, meets kid a year later,
26 second baby, 27 split, 30 new guy, meets kids a year later,
35 third baby, 36 split, 40 new guy, meets kids a year later
43 fourth baby

Feels less chaotic than
24 baby from ONS, second guy in before baby born.
26 baby 2 is born, relationship ends 6 months later.
New guy at 27, moves in immediately
28 baby 3 is born, kicks him out at 29, 30 meets new guy who moves in
31 baby no 4.

Yes that’s true (that people don’t see a relationship as proper without a child).

A father with children by multiple mothers is getting much more criticism from me. At every number the odds increase that he plays little role in the children’s lives.

A mother is at least likely to be there day to day.

Ooooh I don't know. To be fair I don't know many mums in this situation so it's hard to say. The one I do know is someone who falls in love fast, is engaged after a couple of months type. So, she would say all of her 7 was children was born in a loving relationship, but over the last ten years there's been five loving relationships that never got to the altar. All the partners also have their own kids, and so it's like this always changing blended family with dads and kids coming in and leaving. I think that must be such a headfuck for the kids involved.

Tbf she married a couple of them, and the 5th baby is quite new and with her husband.

Baby 1 2002
Baby 2 2004
Messy relationships.

Married the next one
Baby 3 2010

Baby 4 2014

Married the next one
Baby 5 2023.

Compare to Hugh Grant who only has 2 women fathering his kids...

Sept 2011 baby 1 with T

Sept 2012 baby 2 with A
Dec 2012 baby 3 with T

Dec 2015 baby 4 with A
Jan 2018 baby 5 with A

I think he's far worse than her frankly!

Shes never been married to any of them

Yes, I would. I also judge Paul Weller who has 8 children by 4 different women, Ulrika Johnson who has 4 by 4 diffrent men, and Rod Stewart who has 8 by 5 different women.

My niece's mother had three kids by all different dads and I gave her the benefit of the doubt. Then she had my DN and it became very clear she is not a great person and an even worse mother. So now I'd probably secretly judge tbh.

Yes, I don’t think it’s good for the kids. Too many people involved, too many complications, far too messy.

Why would they be teased at school. ? I've never heard of this even in the case of "Benetton kids" of which there were a few.lically. ( that's when the mum had fathers of different colours so kids were a variety like in an old Benetton advert for you younger lot)

I would. I’d wonder why she has kids without knowing the relationship is secure first. And why her relationships keep breaking down. I’d think she may be best concentrating on her existing children. You don’t have to make babies with every man you date!

How do you know how many people involved.

Thinking of it a workmate of mine had 3 kids by 3 fathers. She got pregnant young and the father vanished when he heard. Before giving birth she met the guy who was her husband. They were then married for 12 years and died in an accident ( she was still only 32 by this time) She married again at 35 and had another baby

But there weren't that many people involved. The girls dad never was and she was with her husband for years

My divorced DGM later had 4 DC to 3 men (none were to who she she divorced), one of whom was a married man who she had 2 DC with. He also had DC with his DW. My DM never saw her DF (the married one) but he paid maintenance for both of them. This was early 1940’s onwards.

One of the DC was placed in a children’s home for about a year as DGM apparently couldn’t cope with the comments about his skin colour, which was different to their half-siblings. They all used to go and visit too. WTF.

The final DC’s DF was the man who became my DM step-father and brought her up.

All 4 siblings are all very fk-up about their backgrounds, despite DGM to all intents and purposes brought them up to be loved, taught manners, valued their education etc.

I am so ashamed though of my DGM choices that even DH doesn’t know the true extent of my family’s origins etc, and the majority comments on this thread just show that I am right to never tell anyone the truth.

I don't see why you should be ashamed, especially so much so you can't even tell your husband.

Nobody on here is judging the descendents.

I've just realised that my SIL has 7 kids to 4 men. We are NC so it slipped my mind.

First was a teen pregnancy and the child's father has raised her completely. SIL had nothing to do with her upbringing at all and that DC is now a well functioning adult.

Next 2 were again raised by their father and are late teens. When they seperated they initially had shared custody until she met baby daddy no3. The courts then removed all her access rights.

Next 2 are with baby daddy 3 who was abusive and is in prison. Both kids were immediately taken into care from birth.

Final 2 are with her now husband. These are the only 2 kids she has been involved in raising (and they are still young) but social services heavily involved given her history.

I definitely judge her.

Absolutely.

I've got six (grown up) kids so maybe I'd think you have something nobody needs?