Aibu to ask if you would judge

[PforPaprika]

I know of a woman, she has 3 children to 3 different men, she has a new partner and was joking about having another one. Would you judge someone with 4 kids with 4 different men?

I wouldn't really care.
What effect would it have on my life (answer...none).
I'm more likely to be jealous because I only have one child and always wanted more.

Your'e going to get slapped down..

This is MN where men using condoms while shagging a women that's on contraception has a high failure rate.

Yes I would. I know several people in this situation and it’s an incredibly difficult dynamic having different dads parenting different children. I know one family where dad number one is hugely involved in his daughters life. Dad number two is largely absent and has been since his DD was small. Dad number three is erratic, lovebombing sometimes and then disappears for months on end. The siblings have no easy relationship each other because there is such disconnect within the home setup.
I am no prude. But I do think the children were the last ones to be considered every time the mum became pregnant.

Not really, I mean what would be the point? Life is long and we all have different experiences. It doesn’t impact me

I would’ve when I was younger though

Thats so sad

Two different fathers is already a distinct choice, but seems manageable and still capable of being child centered. Three, I absolutely have no qualms about judging. Four is ludicrous.

100% more!!

Yes totally

I agree. Is it that they don't think it's 'proper' whatever that is (?) or that they feel insecure in terms of attachment to the man? Is it a way to hold on to him? That might be even worse, and smacks of poor self-esteem and having children instrumentally.

As tax payers we're all indirectly affected due to there being no cap on child benefit, unless the parents are wealthy of course. No I wouldn't want to see any child in poverty because of feckless parents BTW.

Yes and as a PP said I also judge when its two different dads with a short age gap. I am divorced and want more kids so will have 2 baby daddies minimum if I manage to have more kids. However my son is upper primary age, I split with OH 6 years ago and have spent years perfecting co-parenting before I started dating again. I always use 2 forms of protection and wouldnt have a child with someone unless we were serious and already moving towards being a family!

Me too

Society doesnt but I do

The woman will at least be looking after the kids

My friend has a kid with someone who has 4 kids by 4 different women. I certainly judge him. He’s a prick.

No, its her life what right have I or anyone else to judge it.

@mumofoneAloneandwell
Until she brings another man into their lives.

Yes I would judge and question their ability to make good, rational decisions, therefore their ability to be a good parent. Would judge a man exactly the same.

Honestly

I dont judge a woman for having had loads of kids, or having multiple kids by different men

But by no 4, its like?! And the man is never wealthy or super connected, bd no 4 is always a bum

Its the constant attempts at blending a family that gets to me. Kids need you sane and stable

Are you really being that when youre trying to find man no 4?

Agree i dont know

With men, the child with the most liked mother gets treated better

Is this the same with mums? Do they favour one kid with the dad they loved the most? Its just something I cant understand

Of course! But it mainly depends on whether this woman is in a stable financial position to raise these children, if she is minted and raising/supporting these kids then all good, if she is freeloading off taxpayers on benefits then she's a massive turd.

3 failed relationships and 3 kids with 3 different dads?

The decent thing to so would be to accept she is crap at relationship and focus on the kids. Another baby with yet another dad would not be best for the 3 kids she already has.

I dont care about the benefits 😫😫 - families are families and they need love and stability

But I just think with kid no. 4, unless youre wealthy anyway, its tough, even if youre a dual income household

She’s not on benefits.

There's never been a cap on "child benefit" actually.

Well then she can crack on