To get wound up by random men making stupid, rude comments when I’m visibly struggling in public?

[shutityouduffer]

This gets me so fuming. Name changed.

Today I have no car with me. I have to collect something from the post office as it’s needed for a family holiday, we’re setting off early tomorrow. For reference it’s a tabletop barbecue. It said on the John Lewis website it was 12kg and I thought I’d be ok to pick it up myself.

I get the parcel and it’s massive, i cant get my arms around it, and turns out the gross weight of the package is over 20kg. iThe post office is only a 10-min walk from mine, so I pick it up and attempt to carry it, awkwardly and in 25 degree weather.

Now this bbq has “SHARKNINJA” written on the side of the box. A man walks past, can see I’m struggling. He chooses to say, very loudly at me, “SHARK NINJA.” I say yes, trying to move past him. He then turns to his mate and says “I should’ve kicked it.” Wtf???? it doesn’t even make sense - what goes through this man’s head?

Another incident last week - I’m walking my golden retriever, he’s a puppy not yet neutered, but dogs on both sides of the road take exception to him and start barking at him (happens a lot with unneutered males) so I whisk him out into the road to avoid both sets of dogs. No traffic. He’s a softy and he paws at me, because he’s stressed (he wants to be picked up for reference). Man on the pavement shouts, again with a mate, “are you sure you can handle that dog?” As I’m trying to get him safely back onto the pavement. Again what is the point??? I don’t even acknowledge it and then his mate shouts after me, “he was only joking!”

AIBU to be sent into a rage by these stupid comments? I should say a couple of (different) men offered to help with the package and were very kind, so I have no general vendetta against men. But it’s never women making unasked for, unhelpful and rude comments when I’m already visibly stressed out…

Yes, I hate this BS about "maybe they're lonely". If they are so lonely then why is it ONLY younger women they try to seek out?

Why is it never other men to strike up conversations with? if you were genuinely lonely you'd surely have no issues making conversations with your own gender

They are not lonely! Or if they are, it’s because their special charm school repels nearly everyone.

They are just immature. I blame the parents

My car broke down (no power), and someone (male) helpfully suggested I put on the hazard lights.

Wish I had been able to think of that with my tiny female brain, and maybe if he had not just driven off when I said "no power" he could have shown me how to get them working with no power to the car at all

Why is this still happening? I used to get harassed every single time I left the house when I was younger. It’s not all men, but it’s always men. It doesn’t matter what a girl or woman looks like or what she’s wearing, men think they have the right to comment. I’m just glad my kids don’t have to take public transport.

I see you all over MN. Are you actually capable of making a pleasant or supportive comment, ever? It seems like your MO on here is just to be snide to as many other posters as you can.

That's erm.... a bit of a (being kind to them) reach

I hate this too. Unwelcome inane comments from unfunny men who often get offended when you don’t laugh at their poor attempts to engage.

Absolutely not being unreasonable, they are twats !

I live in a village come town (with the 3 new estates) and there is now a growing number of twats around.
Many older men here would have offered help ( not my husband ! ) but maybe that is because I am retired.

So you think women dont say nasty things to other women.

It's a really, really different beast and I'm sure you know that. Men saying belittling, patronising, humiliating or just bafflingly obvious/stupid things to women is, as this thread ably demonstrates, a massive and universal Thing. It seems to stem from men wanting attention, even if that attention is negative. I don't think women say mean things to other women for attention. I certainly don't think women are immune from making unpleasant comments, but this thread is about the very well observed phenomenon of men (often in middle/elderly age) feeling the need to make pointless, inane commentary on a random and unknown woman's activity or general existence. It happens all the fucking time, and we're fed up with it. If you want to raise a thread about Mean Girlz and the Mean Things They Say, go ahead. Otherwise, kindly shelve your Whataboutery. We on this thread know very well what we're talking about.

It’s always men. Aged 30+, almost always either bald and/or grossly uneducated beyond high school and driving some clapped out motor.

I had the most bizarre experience a couple of weeks ago - a guy came up to me the train platform of our nearest station (about ten miles away from the town lives in) to say that he lives in the same town as me (I don't actually love in the town but in a village a bit further out but I didn't tell him that) and always saw my DH and I out walking with rucksacks and he wanted to know what was in our rucksacks. Total stranger and I was on my own. I was so taken aback by it I just said "stuff for the day". He then asked me where I was going and I said "for a day out" at which point I think he realised how weird he was coming across and started to back away.

I wish it had occurred fo me quicker to ask whether he was going to ask the woman further down the platform what she was carrying in her handbag. Or were handbags ok but not rucksacks.

Honestly why would he think that was ok.

I suppose you can distinguish between;

a) why did you say that you absolute plank

b) you said that to be nasty because you are an inadequate

We probably all do a) sometimes. b) is the one that women seem to get a lot from men

I'm so sorry thus happened to you and your daughter, and that moron thought it was ok to make things even worse..

It's felt quite cathartic reading this thread (and contributing to it). I don't think I've really appreciated until now how prevalent this behaviour is, and the mental toll it takes on women having to deal with it, day in, day out.

Interesting the poster whose husband didn't see the issue in the swimming pool until she pointed it out to him. I think that's part of the problem too, the men that don't do this type of stuff don't see it when it happens to women so are pretty ignorant that it does happen and therefore don't intervene or notice it so the men who do shout/say these rude things to women continue to get away with it. I'm going to show my DH this thread and get him to read it from start to finish. He already knows my story (being told to smile and cheer up just after my sister died), but I think reading all these stories in black and white might hammer it home to him just how shitty and entitled these men are towards women. Like we "owe" them our time or "deserve" to be shouted at/abused in public. It's exhausting dealing with, quite honestly. I don't really know if it will ever stop.

It's like they see us as children who'll be flattered & delighted to be teased by a grown up man.

Working in London - random mid thirties loser a few times my size walking past me (with a migraine) a few weeks ago tells me to cheer up. I spun around, said audibly so others could hear 'What did you say? Don't tell me to cheer up, you fat fuck'. He did a double take.

This one seems to be super common (as in my example). Why do some men expect us to just walk around smiling? Smiling at what? I never see lone men walking around smiling to themselves, or telling other men to cheer up. Of course I forgot we exist to be amenable and care-free in the eyes of men at all times 🙄

Exactly, which is why I refuse to let it pass. They need to have their asses handed to them. Pricks.

12 years ago i went on holiday with one of my best friends to Zante....one evening we headed out for dinner...we were dressed up...relaxed...happy etc and as we walked by one of the many restaurants trying to get us to go in...the owner said something to me... either 'smile or cheer up'...I can remember feeling really humiliated....i didnt even respond...probably just gave an awkward laugh....if it happened now id respond with a fuck off.

Its weird isnt it

Someone walking around grinning at nothing would look completely unhinged and creepy AF.

Its kind of like telling a random stranger walking past you to suddenly start dancing - why would they?

Your totally NOT being unreasonable: one would expect better from these "random" men. However, just ignore these fools: there are many such who make comments (some hurtful) on anything different -- and they don't suffer from a medical condition (such as Tourette syndrome) either.

I've had "go on love, you can do it" as I cycled up a slight incline in our largely flat town.

I find "no" works best when I'm told to smile.

I work in a customer facing role which offers a photocopying service to the public. When im serving women they explain what they need copied, stand to one side while I do it, pay me then take the copies and say thankyou. Men however seem to think they need to stand as close to me as possible at the copier to " supervise"! I then get their full life history and long winded explanations on why the item needs copied. I know what's coming when they say " well what it is... and off they go. Infuriating

@TomatoSandwiches
I think you posted too soon. Allow me to finish your sentence for you... are cunts!!
😊