To get wound up by random men making stupid, rude comments when I’m visibly struggling in public?

[shutityouduffer]

This gets me so fuming. Name changed.

Today I have no car with me. I have to collect something from the post office as it’s needed for a family holiday, we’re setting off early tomorrow. For reference it’s a tabletop barbecue. It said on the John Lewis website it was 12kg and I thought I’d be ok to pick it up myself.

I get the parcel and it’s massive, i cant get my arms around it, and turns out the gross weight of the package is over 20kg. iThe post office is only a 10-min walk from mine, so I pick it up and attempt to carry it, awkwardly and in 25 degree weather.

Now this bbq has “SHARKNINJA” written on the side of the box. A man walks past, can see I’m struggling. He chooses to say, very loudly at me, “SHARK NINJA.” I say yes, trying to move past him. He then turns to his mate and says “I should’ve kicked it.” Wtf???? it doesn’t even make sense - what goes through this man’s head?

Another incident last week - I’m walking my golden retriever, he’s a puppy not yet neutered, but dogs on both sides of the road take exception to him and start barking at him (happens a lot with unneutered males) so I whisk him out into the road to avoid both sets of dogs. No traffic. He’s a softy and he paws at me, because he’s stressed (he wants to be picked up for reference). Man on the pavement shouts, again with a mate, “are you sure you can handle that dog?” As I’m trying to get him safely back onto the pavement. Again what is the point??? I don’t even acknowledge it and then his mate shouts after me, “he was only joking!”

AIBU to be sent into a rage by these stupid comments? I should say a couple of (different) men offered to help with the package and were very kind, so I have no general vendetta against men. But it’s never women making unasked for, unhelpful and rude comments when I’m already visibly stressed out…

Alanis, you're up

My go to response is a blank stare.

My job literally involves being outside painting words on things.

There is one type of person that feels the need to comment "you've spelt that wrong love"- only and exclusively one type. Any guesses?

(For what it's worth, I'm told they also say it to my male counterparts)

Yes, he probably did, the utter fucking creep.

But that young woman did have a sense of humour, wouldn't you say? Far far more so than the man who harassed her!

I have a heap of kids and people men and women make really crass and rude comments. Or talk about me like Im not even there.lol I just don't even acknowledge it anymore. I also have a down syndrome bub and I had a few ask what is wrong with your baby. I simply turn and say nothing she is perfect.lol The look on their faces. Honestly just ignore stupid comments.

Oh it was worse, much worse in the 70s.

Trolls are so shite these days. Time was they were capable of being subtle or funny but it seems to be a lost art now. They're just low effort and derivative.

Well reporting comments worked, his comments have been deleted 😆

most recent experiences of this

• Wolf whistling whilst I'm walking my 9MO in the buggy. Reallllly?
• taking my dog for his morning walk, "has no one told you? Dogs are like women, they do what the bloody hell they want"

both times I'm just minding my business, trying to make the most of the little nugget of quiet I get and someone has to go and ruin it

I’ve recently retired and DH and I have started attending the local pool weekly. I’ve noticed men randomly chat to women while they’re in the pool, never to other men. One woman recently told one to go away and he’s gone off and told her she was rude and he was only being friendly. My DH looked at me like ‘she was a bit rude’ - I then had the convo with him about random unwanted comments always from men to women, who are supposed to be polite etc. And that I would have responded the same as her. I then pointed out to him all the men who were checking out the women in the pool - one bloke would have needed a neck brace when he got home as his head was just about swivelling 360°!
My DH said he’d never noticed it before, but now can’t unsee it and is shocked at how prevalent it is - and that these men aren’t chatting to each other. And the thing is that the pool we use is designed for rehab, so mostly used by people 50+.
It pisses me off that you feel vulnerable wearing only swimwear, with random men thinking you should be appreciative of their inane comments.

I wouldn't term it "unreasonable," but this seems to be like more of the AIBU melodrama of women getting all worked up over things they should shrug off.

I think the worst I had was my car breaking down. I pulled onto the side as much as I could, and was on a retail park so wasn’t blocking anything important
the beeps and names I got called. Stupid fucking bitch was the nicest

and I was in ambulance uniform
I obviously wasn’t standing there for the good of my health. Ended up sitting in the car with my head down and music on so I couldn’t hear the abuse

I took a puppy for a walk at lunch time. It was a bit silly and jumping around but it was a spaniel so thats what they do. I was waiting for it to slightly chill out when this man says they get bigger you know.

I mean what the actual fuck. No words. I said I know we have 20. That shut him up.

The ambulance driver said that to me as I accompanied my baby daughter as we’re ding transferred to the children’s hospital. She died later.

Laughing maniacally with wide open eyes and throwing your head back is normally a way to shut them up

WTAF that's disgusting. I hope you reported him, though I imagine you had other things on your mind.

I despair honestly at the number of these comments you get, and always to women. Always. 'Oh wow you parked that car well love, I didn't think you'd get in there!'. 'Cheer up'. 'Smile or your face might freeze like that'. 'How did you fit all your stuff in that tiny bag, my wife packs ten times as much' [at the airport] etc. I usually just glare at them and quite happily accept the 'miserable bitch' or the like that follows. Unless I think they are being genuine and just lonely which I think probably was the case with parking man. Also the mansplaining. I love that though as it gives you the opportunity to show your skills eg you shouldn't open the fuel cap like that- I'm actually a professional racing driver mate. Etc. They are very fragile beings though the menz, it definitely doesn't hurt to pretend you are SO grateful for their wisdom if you need to keep them onside.

This thread has been both depressing and reaffirming. For any men in the chat, most of us have had years of unsolicited and frankly unwanted comments, attention, or physical touches from men. We’ve had enough. Leave us alone. This has given me some inspiration and a few quotes to take out into the wild with me should I get bothered by a weirdo which I’m sure will be the case any time soon.

Oh cool, so the people here that have described attempts at them being humiliated in public, all the way through to lewd comments about their pre pubescent daughters or actual sexual abuse should just ‘shrug it off’?

Please may I borrow this one? Quality

Ha yes. The dreaded MiL 😁

Oh that triggered a memory! I am in my 50s and go swimming as rehab. I'm also extremely body conscious so i wear a swimming shorts and a rash vest. One man said to me 'Why have you come swimming in your clothes?'. I'm actually deaf in one ear and couldn't hear him so i asked 'I'm sorry?' He repeated it and i still didn't hear so said 'I'm sorry, I did not hear you?' and he spat at me 'Fucking bitch' and swam off. (I did hear that!). I was so surprised and the lady next to me told me what it was he had said and she said 'He's always making stupid commnets'.

That’s not a bad idea. You should just shout that back at them 😂

Maybe true but it's funny that these lonely men never engage other men in chit chat.

Once after having a bit of a emotional conversation with a friend about grief (losing a parent), feeling a bit fragile…walking back to the car a man in his 50’s came up to me and screamed in my ear. Walked away laughing with his friends.
I must of looked sad/serious before he did it…totally fucked up.