To get wound up by random men making stupid, rude comments when I’m visibly struggling in public?

[shutityouduffer]

This gets me so fuming. Name changed.

Today I have no car with me. I have to collect something from the post office as it’s needed for a family holiday, we’re setting off early tomorrow. For reference it’s a tabletop barbecue. It said on the John Lewis website it was 12kg and I thought I’d be ok to pick it up myself.

I get the parcel and it’s massive, i cant get my arms around it, and turns out the gross weight of the package is over 20kg. iThe post office is only a 10-min walk from mine, so I pick it up and attempt to carry it, awkwardly and in 25 degree weather.

Now this bbq has “SHARKNINJA” written on the side of the box. A man walks past, can see I’m struggling. He chooses to say, very loudly at me, “SHARK NINJA.” I say yes, trying to move past him. He then turns to his mate and says “I should’ve kicked it.” Wtf???? it doesn’t even make sense - what goes through this man’s head?

Another incident last week - I’m walking my golden retriever, he’s a puppy not yet neutered, but dogs on both sides of the road take exception to him and start barking at him (happens a lot with unneutered males) so I whisk him out into the road to avoid both sets of dogs. No traffic. He’s a softy and he paws at me, because he’s stressed (he wants to be picked up for reference). Man on the pavement shouts, again with a mate, “are you sure you can handle that dog?” As I’m trying to get him safely back onto the pavement. Again what is the point??? I don’t even acknowledge it and then his mate shouts after me, “he was only joking!”

AIBU to be sent into a rage by these stupid comments? I should say a couple of (different) men offered to help with the package and were very kind, so I have no general vendetta against men. But it’s never women making unasked for, unhelpful and rude comments when I’m already visibly stressed out…

That’s a bit harsh - but he might not be quite so ready to pass comment next time…..

I agree with this. I think this is why a lot of women go for geeky sorts. My DH is a bit geeky and it would never cross his mind to cat call or chat shit to women.

Yes, or quiet shy men who don't want to draw attention to themselves. Never understood why this isn't seen as being a very attractive thing in men. I find loud overconfidence in men (and women for that matter) pretty repellent.

Yes, me too. I accept DH's extensive knowledge of the railway system prior to 1945 and his ability to recite Land Rover part numbers with chilling accuracy and he accepts (and shows mild interest) in my obsession with native trees, small shiny beetles, fungi, my so so attempts at propagating woody stems and similar results with food preserving.

If he hears a man being verbally (or otherwise) abusive towards woman, he just assumes they have something fundamental missing.

Yes, I'm often supportive, and often other posters thank me.
But I get impatient with women, in this day and age, who are still doormats, or who go to pieces at the slightest negativity, or who feel the need for advice on the tiniest decision, or need to ask permission to have their feelings.
Perhaps some people might be better off, or might develop a spine, if everyone wasn't always rushing to support something no matter what. I'm baffled at so many people here who seemed to have reached adulthood without ever having experienced embarrassment from committing a faux pas or irritation from other people imposing or being rude.

Someone has never heard of the bro-hood....

No, would SHOULD NOT HAVE TO 'shrug off' ABUSE, being called names, or sexual harassment. Jog off with that misogynistic attitude!

I've never heard of that. To be honest, the term "bro-hood" sounds like an ironic parody of "sisterhood" to me. Kind of like "meninism."

I’m with you there . I work Retail so I see it all the time . I was helping out with trollies one Sunday and a male customer come right up to me and said “oh what are you doing out here or is it because you are so f**king useless at everything else “ ?.,. I was shocked but I still replied politely to him which annoyed me but I can’t say what I really wanted to say

Does your employer not have an 'abuse will not be tolerated' policy? Your word against his, I realise, and he would probably have denied it, but the store has a right not to serve people abusing their staff surely.

Also female and 6ft 2".

In my 20's and 30's multiple men asked me directly "What's the weather like up there?" in an attempt to get some response.
Obviously no tall woman has ever heard that comment before 🙄

My response was always verbally neutral; to get away as fast as possible. I wish I'd had the confidence to tell them to "Fuck off!" loudly instead.

More power to you and your S in your lives without men.

Which they conveniently don’t do to men.

I’m 4’11” and the amount of comments my height gets from men is ridiculous.
Do they think they’re funny?
Do they think it’s the first time i’ve ever heard it?
Today isn’t my first day being this height.
I can’t change it, and i don’t want to change it.

Men have to just say something…but control that urge when I’m with my husband.
Funny that.

@ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews Some of them are definitely delusional enough to believe they are funny. Others are just desperate for any reaction from a woman.

(Edit: You should not have to change anything to avoid comments from those idiots).

As you and pp have pointed out, they are rarely so keen to make comments to other men.
I don't know if that is because they inherently respect other men more or simply fear a physical response to their BS.

Exactly.

I was once called over by a guy a couple of spaces away from where I’d reversed in to park. He handed me a biscuit ‘for my parking’ 😳😳😳

Noooooooooo. He tried to train you like a dog

Woof! 😁

Long answer? Nah...

Long answer? Nah.

Yep, you know, I was thinking the same! It’s always men! Just like most wars are started by men, most criminals are men, most aggression is caused by men, aggressive porn is watched by men, most rapists are men.
When you’re in a car accident with men, they are patronising, trying to blame you, even if it was their fault (true story, in 2021). When you’re in a car accident with a woman, she hugs you and asks if you’re ok. Even if it’s your fault (true story, happened in 2004 and 3 days ago).
Clearly not all men are bad, I’m not saying that at all, I happened to be married to an amazing and supportive man, but I do wish we lived in a matriarchal society!

They don’t get any cleverer, I heard the same shit when I worked in a bar in the early ‘80’s…

I would be irritated but only because like you I have also had a comment directed at me. The other week I hadn't eaten all day and just fancied a jam doughnut low and behold as I was eating it a guy commented "you'll get fat eating that" normally it wouldn't bother me but I thought perhaps I should start saying to men eating sausage rolls you'll get fat eating that 😚

Recently in a hotel I was staying in, I had a man say 'boo' to me as I was walking past. Quite why, I've not been able to work out. He found it amusing though apparently. That was a new one on me.

Not all men, but it's never (in my experience) a woman..

I was looking after my sister's very hairy dog last summer. It was one of the ten properly hot summer days that we are afforded annually in Scotland, so around 11am, I put his lead on and took him out to the front garden for a pee (he's a strange boy who won't pee in his own back garden, or mine apparently). We're right next to a main road so the lead was necessary, I don't need to be responsible for losing her first born.

Anyway, he's doing his thing, I'm standing there sweating and some absolute ball bag walking along the pavement feels the need to stop and say "Are you not taking him a proper walk then??" Yeah, let's burn the fucking paws off the wee guy by walking him in 27 degree heat!
Quickly decided I didn't owe this walloper any further explanation than a blank stare and the word "No."