To get wound up by random men making stupid, rude comments when I’m visibly struggling in public?

[shutityouduffer]

This gets me so fuming. Name changed.

Today I have no car with me. I have to collect something from the post office as it’s needed for a family holiday, we’re setting off early tomorrow. For reference it’s a tabletop barbecue. It said on the John Lewis website it was 12kg and I thought I’d be ok to pick it up myself.

I get the parcel and it’s massive, i cant get my arms around it, and turns out the gross weight of the package is over 20kg. iThe post office is only a 10-min walk from mine, so I pick it up and attempt to carry it, awkwardly and in 25 degree weather.

Now this bbq has “SHARKNINJA” written on the side of the box. A man walks past, can see I’m struggling. He chooses to say, very loudly at me, “SHARK NINJA.” I say yes, trying to move past him. He then turns to his mate and says “I should’ve kicked it.” Wtf???? it doesn’t even make sense - what goes through this man’s head?

Another incident last week - I’m walking my golden retriever, he’s a puppy not yet neutered, but dogs on both sides of the road take exception to him and start barking at him (happens a lot with unneutered males) so I whisk him out into the road to avoid both sets of dogs. No traffic. He’s a softy and he paws at me, because he’s stressed (he wants to be picked up for reference). Man on the pavement shouts, again with a mate, “are you sure you can handle that dog?” As I’m trying to get him safely back onto the pavement. Again what is the point??? I don’t even acknowledge it and then his mate shouts after me, “he was only joking!”

AIBU to be sent into a rage by these stupid comments? I should say a couple of (different) men offered to help with the package and were very kind, so I have no general vendetta against men. But it’s never women making unasked for, unhelpful and rude comments when I’m already visibly stressed out…

Aren’t some people strange?
The couple in the car are giving Fred and Rose West vibes. That is not meant in humour. Why any woman would want to go kerb crawling with a man I’ve no idea.
I can remember being 18 and we got a new fitness centre at the top of my road. It was council run. All brand new.The classes were reasonable.
There was a boot camp style one on a Thursday and I loved it. Very mixed bunch.
The male instructor was about 30, he introduced himself knew my dad from a boxing gym. He was quite reserved but now and again would ask how my dad was.
One night I was waking home I could feel a car behind me which was odd as it was residential, not much traffic.
It was the gym instructor and I stopped and he started explaining there were lots of uncouth males in the class and he was following me… so none of them didn’t! Sold it to me as doing my dad a favour.
Nobody in the class ever approached me or followed me. I never told my dad and stopped going and I was so upset. I had made a few female friends in the class and looked forward to it.

This thread is jogging my memory of more and more! Too many to list!

Being on holiday when I was about 10 years old and going to the same place for dinner every night because my parents like it there. The waiter every single time I went saying “beautiful [my name]” and saying he was going to run away with me. My parents thought it was hilarious but I kept saying I didn’t want to go back there.

Sleeping on a pull out bed with my then boyfriend as his mate’s house and waking up to his mate groping me and me being too scared to do anything so pretending I was asleep.

There are so many more, I can’t remember them all, but it’s it bloody depressing that nearly all women have these types of experiences universally!

Cars, I've just remembered one about cars. I have a reasonable size family, 3 children at the time and we like camping plus I do a lot of motorway driving due to living miles from anywhere but reasonably well connected for motorways, because of this I drove a large estate car. In the middle of winter we get snow, as long as cars are parked on the main road at the bottom of the hill its generally OK, only known once it to get so bad we were completely snowed up.

On a snowy day I drove to work, I was working with a guy to retrain him following a long absence due to ill health so he always started later than me due to a staggered return to work. He came in and commented on a car in the car park with a load of snow on the roof I said yes its mine, he responded no its a really big car, I said yes mine but no he disputed it again till I gave make, model, colour of car and I'm not even convinced he believed me then. I'm just a woman I couldn't possibly drive a car like that. God knows what he'd think if he saw my current vehicle 😄

When my DCs were young I waitressed casually. I was squatting down getting some small matching cups and saucers off the lower shelves. I had a lapful of saucers and the cups were on the floor. An older chef came to pass me by and went to touch my bum. I just stood up quickly and broke most of the saucers and some of the cups. He called me a bitch and I glared at him. He was a partner in the catering company, bang went the profits from that dinner.

Both horrible, horrible experiences.
I can remember being in the South of France before I was a teenager and an American battleship was in the port. We were having lunch and this very charming officer of some sort invited my parents and I onto the ship.
My dad couldn’t wait.
I had sensed something and put together the dowdiest outfit I could find. Put my hair in a plait, ankle socks, Clark’s sandals.
The minute we got on there, there were whistles and stares. My mum was 40, long dark hair, very attractive and my dad was a bit proud - different times.
Naval officer apologised and said sorry ma’am they are whistling at your beautiful daughter they haven’t seen a woman for months.
A had on a Ladybird blouse, a skirt past my knees, socks and sandals. I was completely flat chested, a beanpole with stringy legs and a metal brace. Ew.

what a creep! urgh. The shit we have had to tolerate is outrageous and makes me so mad!!

Yet that type of idiot expects people women to be grateful for their "advice".

no you not unreasonable it's the smile love it might never happen 🙄 and yet "fuck off" doesn't seem to be a reasonable response!

I increasingly believe that a significant number of men are, for want of a better word, dickheads.

I once finished shopping in a large supermarket and had loaded the groceries into my car when my phone started ringing. It was the hospital (my husband was in there, very, very unwell at the time). I propped the now empty trolley in front of my car (not blocking the path in any way) and got in the driver seat to take the call, A man suddenly banged on my window and when I wound it down he screamed in my face “put your FUCKING trolley away, woman 😱”. I’ve never seen anyone so angry, he was literally purple with rage and spit landed on my face. I was always going to put it away but was too scared to get out then! Some seriously messed up men out there. I’m sure a lot of them harbour deep misogynistic views, and it needs to be stamped out in the same way as racism.

The general level of twattishness among these arseholes never improves. Many years ago I was on my motorbike, set off, hit a patch of black ice, and went over, with the bike on top of me. It's dark and cold, and I'm obviously in distress. A car slowed down for the sole purpose of a man to shout "woman driver!" at me then sped off. Pig.

Had ‘Where’s your sheep?’ shouted from car window when I was wearing a tiered floral dress

'smile' that's so annoying but don't think people just communicate any more, some comments are just ice breakers but people don't want to talk.

You are not alone in finding this irritating, and yes, it’s always men.

Had one the other day when I was putting my son’s bike in the car (already an awkward/slightly annoying job) with my back to the road when a man walks past and shouts “not going to ride that bike are you? Hahaha…”

And it’s like, ok, you’re not trying to be rude or intimidating or anything. Probably just being friendly or trying to. But also, saying nothing is also an option? Why do I have to stop one of the ten thousand things I’m in the middle of doing to give you- a complete stranger- my attention when I’m already overstimulated and tired.

Women simply do not do this to others. Sure, maybe if I am in a queue or some other shared experience with a stranger where a brief, friendly interaction is not distracting. But women generally do not interrupt someone who is otherwise minding their own business.
It’s extremely irritating.

Random men do it to women - never other men, mind- because they know we won't walk up to them and smack them across the face. If it were legal, I would've done it already at least a few times this year.

YANBU.

Men need to shut their mouths.

I was once, in my twenties, carrying a bunch of flowers and a middle-aged woman jumped in front of me and shouted 'You shouldn't have!'. I instinctively replied 'In your fucking dreams love'.

I felt a bit bad, but how about you just leave me the fuck alone?

Women can be just as bad with the unwanted comedy comments.

Recently after having stood in a queue at passport control for over an hour the camera was taking its time scanning my face. Man behind me told me to take off my glasses. I wasn’t wearing glasses……

Ugh, awful.

I used to do outdoor workouts occasionally.

I was doing some cool down stretches and breathing once, and this guy came up to me, bent over me and said "You look like you're asleep!"

Seriously, what possesses some people? (And yeah it pretty much always does seem to be men).

Have also had "cheer up love, might never happen", when I was 12. On my way to school.

Oh the give us a smile love dim wits. I always say my gran has just died you moron. I mean relatively speak she has, 6 yrs ago. They often bluster an apology, small and stupid.

I don't blame you for being annoyed by this sort of thing. Like most women, I've got a little list of my own. Quite a good one was the man a few years ago who stood and watched me heave some heavy luggage into a train, then when I was standing catching my breath, said "do you want some help with that, love? ". Clearly not, twit. 🤔

And I can still remember, from 65 years ago, carrying my cello to and from school, and the number of men, all individually convinced of their brilliant originality, saying "how do you get that under your chin, love?".

I'm now on my way to becoming a little old lady (80), so these days it's less of the veiled/ "humorous" put down and more of the patronising "speak loudly and slowly to the old dear". Oh, well.

Completely agree: annoying as hell OP. Just yesterday, I was walking up to my relative's house on a hot day carrying a huge platter of baklava for Eid and my bag (while trying my best to walk as well as I could in my high heels). We had to park quite far away as it's a busy area with very few parking spaces. A man standing outside his garage shouts "is that for me??" I just replied back, "actually, they're not even for me". His response then was "ah, no wonder you're not smiling!". Why does it always boil down to women having to walk around smiling?! Have been hearing it all my life and I'm just fed up to my tits!

I was filling up my motorhome with LPG at the fuel station and was waiting for the cashier to reset it from the last vehicle. As I was waiting the guy from the campervan behind me - doddering ole feller with his trousers pulled up so high they reached his armpits, who said "you have to press the button" it took a second for what he said to register (because of course you have to press the button, its how the bloody thing works) so I said "I'm sorry?" and he doddered up to me and LEANED RIGHT ACROSS ME right in my personal space and repeatedly pressed the button which of course didn't work because the cashier still hadn't given me the OK. I stood back and put my hands up in the air and said "I'm not touching another thing until you get back in your campervan" and he stormed off.. After i'd filled up I was taking the gas attachment out and I look up and hes right there again but by my bonnet pointing at the hose so I took my hands off again and said get back in your van.. The guy opposite me filling up said "is everything OK?" and I thought ooh a good one, and said "Yes thanks, I don't know whats wrong with the guy" and he said "no, do you not know what you're doing..?" I was FUMING.. I've been filling up with LPG for a decade! (not for an entire decade, if that was the case he'd have had a point..) I went inside to pay and the woman there said she was about to come out and check I was OK as she thought he was robbing me 😂 when I told her what happened she was livid too and said she would wait a little extra time to reset the pump for him 🤣. If he'd have asked me if I wanted help, not pushed himself into my personal space or stood watching me like a stalker I might have engaged and chatted away - Motorhomers are usually a lovely affable group but my god!!!! And it would never have been a woman!

My youngest daughter has a voice like a cross between a schoolma'am and a foghorn, and before now I have heard her bellow "Rude!" Or "rude man!" at comedians.

She is only 8 but I kind of like it!

One of the only times I managed to come up with a retort, I was in a small hardware store, early months of pregnancy with very low bp and hg. I suddenly felt very faint and asked the owner if they had a chair I could sit on. They didn't have a chair but found a large paint pot so I could sit quietly in a corner and put my head down. I gradually began to feel OK and sat upright. Some middle aged bloke said in a sarcastic tone "Tiring day, is it?" To which I replied, "it is if you're 4 months pregnant!" He was so embarrassed, especially as other customers gave him filthy looks too.