To get wound up by random men making stupid, rude comments when I’m visibly struggling in public?

[shutityouduffer]

This gets me so fuming. Name changed.

Today I have no car with me. I have to collect something from the post office as it’s needed for a family holiday, we’re setting off early tomorrow. For reference it’s a tabletop barbecue. It said on the John Lewis website it was 12kg and I thought I’d be ok to pick it up myself.

I get the parcel and it’s massive, i cant get my arms around it, and turns out the gross weight of the package is over 20kg. iThe post office is only a 10-min walk from mine, so I pick it up and attempt to carry it, awkwardly and in 25 degree weather.

Now this bbq has “SHARKNINJA” written on the side of the box. A man walks past, can see I’m struggling. He chooses to say, very loudly at me, “SHARK NINJA.” I say yes, trying to move past him. He then turns to his mate and says “I should’ve kicked it.” Wtf???? it doesn’t even make sense - what goes through this man’s head?

Another incident last week - I’m walking my golden retriever, he’s a puppy not yet neutered, but dogs on both sides of the road take exception to him and start barking at him (happens a lot with unneutered males) so I whisk him out into the road to avoid both sets of dogs. No traffic. He’s a softy and he paws at me, because he’s stressed (he wants to be picked up for reference). Man on the pavement shouts, again with a mate, “are you sure you can handle that dog?” As I’m trying to get him safely back onto the pavement. Again what is the point??? I don’t even acknowledge it and then his mate shouts after me, “he was only joking!”

AIBU to be sent into a rage by these stupid comments? I should say a couple of (different) men offered to help with the package and were very kind, so I have no general vendetta against men. But it’s never women making unasked for, unhelpful and rude comments when I’m already visibly stressed out…

Oh and Just reminded when I had my first child, he was in my buggy and the wheel broke randomly (second hand buggy) so I was struggling trying to push it on three wheels and some bloke walked past and went ' your prams broke" no shit Sherlock!!!

Oh god and when I was in my early twenties and out in the pub with friends and some really drunk bloke shouted out along the lines of " I wouldn't sleep with anyone... I mean I wouldn't sleep with her" and pointed at me for the whole room to hear. No one said anytime. Wish I had the guts! But not sure what I would have said to the rude idiot.

i don’t even have words for this 😢

Oh my god I love your response!

i turned around and said "it already has" once, not because of something tragic, but because the commentor annoyed me.

I'm so sorry. It's horrible isn't it? These men don't realise the affect they can have. Or perhaps they do and don't care. I was also 27, got told to "cheer up, give us a smile, might never happen" when I was walking down the street. It was my first day back at work (and close to Christmas) since my sister had died of cancer aged 25.

I walked up to him, he said it again, defiantly at me and I quietly told him that my sister had just died and I didn't appreciate him telling me to "cheer up" as if I owed him a smile. His face fell and he apologised but the damage was done. Men like him know just how to push women's buttons and it makes them feel big and important when really they are just punching down because they see women as "below" them and therefore deserving of unsolicited comments in the street. Arseholes. They'd never do it to another man. Misogyny at it's worst.

Problem is if you respond ‘f off’ they just go ‘can’t take a joke can you’. I just ignore. Or roll my eyes. I do worry about my uni aged DD though, who looks younger - she has had a few weirdo encounters. Asshole drunk uni students she can deal with, men twice her age she finds creepy and doesn’t have the confidence yet to just tell them to fuck off.

In my first ever job, I was constantly hit on by the boss. It was a training position and I had to be there a year and have completed certain tasks competently and have a 'practical book' signed off by him.

It was a nightmare as although I was 17, I had led a sheltered life and his attentions just made me very ill. The thought of him even touching me made me want to puke. He tried to install me in a flat that he was paying for and it was constant. He sexually assaulted me at a small celebration one afternoon, shortly before my year was up and told me if I didn't have sex with him, he wouldn't sign my book.

I refused and he became angry and he didn't speak to me the last six weeks. I arrived at work one day with the book signed and my P45.

He had his 30th birthday while I worked for him except.....I looked him up recently on the internet and he can't have been 30 during that year, he would have been 36. A 36yo man trying to shag a just 17yo.

Ah yes the 'banter brigade' who think theyre hilarious and witty when actually theyre just ducks showing off to their mates. I just ignore it - if theyre thst insecure thst they have to make themselves feel better by mocking others that says it all.

Yup. I was even told once that my dog ‘doesn’t respect me’ he was only about 6 months old at the time and still a puppy. And this was after said random man walked up to him to greet him without checking first, wound my puppy up and he jumped up at him 🙄

I’m so sorry he put you through that. Nasty vile man!

I'm female and 6'2. The number of ''men'' over the years who have grunted ''No doubt the rain reaches you first'' and ''Bloody hell, with your reach you could move the clouds''.

They also say similar to short woman. ''The rain obviously hits you the last'' and ''It's about time you grew some inches''.

My friend S is in her 60s, only ''4'9 tall. She's had such comments all her life, as if she could just suddenly grow 7 inches!

But these so-called men who are convinced they're exceedingly funny and intelligent NEVER say such things to other men of any height, only women, as they don't think we have the intelligence to notice when they grunt at us, and grunting is all they're able to do!

S and I have never married/no kids by choice. She's gay, I'm not, but neither of us wants ''men'' in our lives, controlling us and being sarcastic and woman-hating.

Oh this reminds me of a time when I was about 20 and terrified that I might be pregnant (I wasn’t luckily) but I went to a supermarket to buy a test and it set the alarms off as I walked out. The security guard searched my bag and when he saw the test started leering at me and saying how lucky the man I was sleeping with was.

Another time when I was about 19, and looked about 15, I was on the bus with my then boyfriend and some stranger asked if he could have “twos on his missus” another time we walked past some drunk bloke who looked and me and said to my boyfriend “oh I would like to have a go on that”

Fucking tossers

We had a man who lived on the road with his wife - both naturists. He looked like Rolf Harris.
He used to sunbathe and walk around his garden naked with a girls’s secondary school next door - and very low fences.
He used to stand at his garden gate leering at any girl who would walk past. He was always asking me where I was going and did my dad know. I was about 12.
Nobody did anything it was just like, he is the neighbourhood perv.
We had a feminist living up the road - neighbourhood Germaine Greer. She was a curvy lady, used to wear skin tight tops with no bra, boobs flying, see-through skirts. And do you know what? She didn’t give a toss and walked like she had a purpose.
Every man in the area was terrified of her, including the perv. I had a few conversations with her and just loved her.

Maybe shout back "I win!"
However in my 20s I would never have thought of a good answer. Nowadays I tend to just say 'dickhead' to any stupid comments.

Once while at a very posh dinner I was sitting next to a young woman who confided in me quietly that is was her first time in that sort of occasion and wasn't sure of herself (fine, we all start somewhere, I'm old and had been doing them for years) So, main comes round, menu is in culinary french so she asks me what the meat is, twatty bloke sitting next to her says very loudly, 'oh my god, how did you get to your age and not know what 'meat' is' The words all spilled out of my mouth before I had time to think 'Did you really just say that?, How did you get to your age and still be a cunt'

Room went rather quiet and he didn't say much after that. NO regrets from me at all.

Every time!

They do, they bond over making inane remarks to and about women.

I had one of those a while back.

I have a tiny hatchback, reversing into a parent and baby bay at Tesco (toddler in tow, before the pile on)

Air Traffic Control Nigel as he shall ever be known, pops up out of fucking nowhere and signals me in like an Airbus 380 coming in at Terminal 5. <Gestures like to me, to me>

I've been driving 20 years ffs. 🙄

This is an interesting one for me, because I've had a lot of bad experiences with men, but I've never had them comment negatively at me in the street. I've had a few really nice comments - like an older man encouraging me when I was running and very red in the face, or a man complimenting me on catching something that fell of a shelf in the supermarket - but never anything rude. I've only had women comment negatively at me in the street - the standout moment was when DD was about 2 and she ran ahead of me, then fell over. A woman passing said 'I could tell that was going to happen.' Without thinking I said, 'Thanks that was very helpful,' which hit the mark.

Even more oddly, I have a friend who I only see once or twice a year and every single time I've been out with her on the street a man has said/shouted something rude at her - only her, not me. She's much better looking than me, maybe that's it? One thing I know for sure is that I never make eye contact with anyone on the street, or even acknowledge their existence really, so that might make a difference?

To be clear, no one should ever make stupid/rude comments to people in the street, no matter what they do.

Oh, God, that’s awful. How horrible. And what a stupid remark to say to anybody who is in a hospital. 🌺

Yes. I think for some of them it’s actually flirting! Sad gits 🤣

That’s awful! Tossers right enough 🤬

Just remembered two more occasions; both when I was 16 mind, so back in the mid 80s.

Worked in an estate agents, some bloke wanders in and starts chatting to my male colleague, looks me up and down and says to my colleague 'cor, must be lovely waking up to that every morning'... At 16 I had no idea what to say but my colleague did and the bloke left with a flea in his ear.

Around the same time, I was walking to work when a man stopped his car, wound down the window, i thought, 'oh he's asking for directions' when he said 'i see you every morning and felt I just had to stop and say what a stunning young lady you are'. I just backed away and walked off very quickly. Told my boyfriend and the following morning, my boyfriend drove slowly behind me in his car and when I saw this random bloke coming towards me I indicated to my boyfriend who then subsequently jumped out of his car and politely told the man to never approach me again. The following morning, I see the bloke again and he has a women in his passenger seat and as they approach me, she winds the window down and i hear him say 'yeah, that's the one'. It was such a weird, creepy vibe. (and I had to walk the same way because going any other way meant adding on at least 30 minutes to my walk to work every day; it was horrible). I was so glad to pass my driving test not long after!