To get wound up by random men making stupid, rude comments when I’m visibly struggling in public?

[shutityouduffer]

This gets me so fuming. Name changed.

Today I have no car with me. I have to collect something from the post office as it’s needed for a family holiday, we’re setting off early tomorrow. For reference it’s a tabletop barbecue. It said on the John Lewis website it was 12kg and I thought I’d be ok to pick it up myself.

I get the parcel and it’s massive, i cant get my arms around it, and turns out the gross weight of the package is over 20kg. iThe post office is only a 10-min walk from mine, so I pick it up and attempt to carry it, awkwardly and in 25 degree weather.

Now this bbq has “SHARKNINJA” written on the side of the box. A man walks past, can see I’m struggling. He chooses to say, very loudly at me, “SHARK NINJA.” I say yes, trying to move past him. He then turns to his mate and says “I should’ve kicked it.” Wtf???? it doesn’t even make sense - what goes through this man’s head?

Another incident last week - I’m walking my golden retriever, he’s a puppy not yet neutered, but dogs on both sides of the road take exception to him and start barking at him (happens a lot with unneutered males) so I whisk him out into the road to avoid both sets of dogs. No traffic. He’s a softy and he paws at me, because he’s stressed (he wants to be picked up for reference). Man on the pavement shouts, again with a mate, “are you sure you can handle that dog?” As I’m trying to get him safely back onto the pavement. Again what is the point??? I don’t even acknowledge it and then his mate shouts after me, “he was only joking!”

AIBU to be sent into a rage by these stupid comments? I should say a couple of (different) men offered to help with the package and were very kind, so I have no general vendetta against men. But it’s never women making unasked for, unhelpful and rude comments when I’m already visibly stressed out…

I have been driving and parking successfully for years. Nothing winds me up like some oaf standing behind me and waving his arms around like a windmill. Would it actually be a crime to run them over?
I did actually stop once and say would you go away please you are actually getting in the way of me seeing where I need to go- but that was my dad

I am 60 years old and I go jogging around our local park. I get teenagers making comments ("run Forrest run"), and similar, and all sorts of men making comments. One man recently offered me unsolicited running advice about my running style. I think he was a bit shocked when I stopped, turned around and screamed at him to FUCK OFF. I didn't fucking know him, I was not interested in his fucking advice, I was not going to pay any fucking attention to it, who the fuck did he think he was and why didn't he just FUCK OFF and leave me alone. His parting shot? "Well at least you're enthusiastic!", which received another enthusiastic FUCK OFF from me. Now, I just stop running and shout at them all to FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE. The teenagers tend to be a bit surprised. I am so so so sick of it. I've been pestered and groped by men all my life, particularly as a young woman, why can't they just leave me alone to drag my aged carcase around the park in peace and quiet? Not one single woman has ever made similar remarks to me, not one. Will it ever stop?

Men think they are funnier than they actually are 🙄

When I encounter one of these men I always think of Queenie’s response in Blackadder 2 when Nursie was talking some inane drivel: “Mouth is open, Nursie, should be shut.”

But no doubt it will appear in the AI answer to some innocent's enquiry?

Edit: not that that should stop us making humorous remarks. We are not the servants of AI, yet.

And it'll serve them right 🙃

I'm not in the army. Very few men are.

Tangent but in answer to another pp's comment on service personnel and camaraderie, that actually is closer to the root origins of the word. Camara=room, to roommates= camaraderie (via Latinate languages).

Soldiers≈camaraderie

Anywhoo. As you were.

It is very much in the nature of men to form associations, ad hoc or more directed. Sports clubs, football fans (they even have their own camp followers), gangs, groups from a locality etc, etc. That plus alcohol is a strong source of misbehaviour.

To your kicking man, I would have just laughed, looked scornfully at him and said ‘At your age?! The only thing you’re getting close to kicking is the bucket’. Men get very upset when you suggest they’re getting on in age.

On a happier ( for me) note. As a student my course involved a term of cookery. I’d walk home the shortish distance from college with a whole variety of sometimes elaborate dishes. Having heard “ that looks tasty I’ll have some of that love” emanating from a building site once too many, I said “ sure” and walked into the site, dish held out. The guy suddenly looked scared as I approached him and went into reverse gear, anxiously looking at his mates who’d started laughing at him. It’s a lot about power.

"Who put 50p in the dick head?"

Last year I was trying to move someone's largeish dead dog out of the road as cars merrily drove past me. A man in his 70's lay on his horn whilst watching me move it! I told him when you die mate, which will be soon I hope someone treats you with the same dignity! Tossers the lot of them.

Women are just as bad, ive had some awful comments from women and im a woman.

10 points to Slytherin

You misunderstand the nature of those groups. Men's groups tend to be solely activity-based. They are only interested in the activity and not the people. The people are only there so they aren't doing it alone.

'Big Rob' might like drinking with 'Stevie B' when watching a football match, but Big Rob would never go around to Stevie B's house for a cup of tea and ask for advice on his relationship.

If you don't know what I mean, watch the scene from the Inbetweeners when Jay tries to ask his dad for advice about a relationship and his dad doesn't take him seriously and acts like a dick.

Yup, it's a form of attention seeking. From making loud noises to a random unwanted comment they can't help themselves.

OP YANBU.

I once had an older guy stop me in Tesco. He said 'hi Tracy'. I replied that my name isn't Tracy. He said 'well you look just like her'. I replied well I'm not her. He then said 'well she's tall as well'. I replied that it was obviously someone else and walked off!

The explanation for men's support groups to understand their difficulties apart, you're missing the point that they generally say these bon mots only to women.

Ah so that's the theme that men giving women unsolicited and unwanted advice in the gym swap to when outside.

The blatantly rude comments prove they are desperate for any reaction. Pathetic 🙄.

Well the discussion I was replying to was about relationships between men...

Sadly he lost his seat to Dan Norris last election. He was an excellent constituency MP despite the eccentricity so I'm not surprised he helped your relatives.

Norris of course is now banned from Westminster due to being under police investigation for a whole string of offences so they (and I) have no effective representation at Parliament.

Similar happened to me. A lorry driver stopped his vehicle to approach me and ask for my number (2004). I was 14 and looked it. There were multiple adults around as it was near a busy bus stop and not one of them intervened or asked of I was ok.

My first job at 16 was in a Pizza Express 2 towns over. 10pm finish and a late train home. I was a bit nervous but felt I’d be safe with plenty of people around in a town centre. I’d get the train to my town where my parents would pick me up.

Not even 2 weeks in a drunk man tried to drag me into an alleyway just after I’d left work and was walking down the bustling high street. I kept telling him to stop. Nobody intervened. It was a Saturday night and the high street was teeming with adults. He eventually got distracted by another drunk man who he went to go and pick a fight with but I’m certain he’d have tried to rape me

My DC were roped into a charity event at a local club, which is the fiefdom of the village dickhead and his horrible gf (yes, there is history and let’s just say I’m friends with both their ex partners). I didn’t go, as can’t bear to be anywhere near these two and DH is better at hiding his disdain.

Event was in aid of some sort of men/shed/talking/socialisation/sadness prevention type charity. DH was a bit shocked when I said that there was probably a reason why many men are sad, lonely and friendless and I expect it has much to do with their unlikeable personalities.

Obviously I’m a terrible misandrist.😳

I was quietly waiting to receive my Costa coffee the other day, when the man behind me started ‘holding court’ with the young female servers (who dutifully smiled and responded) and tried to engage me. My face must have said it all. I seem to have perfected a look similar to one of these images.

I bike to work and over the years it's always men that love to shout random things at me " get your knees up" or make stupid noises or shout out of the window if cars . My fave is biking home ( dark) and drunk men in cycle lane I go round them and one shouts where's your nights??? ( They were on and shining directly at them)