To get wound up by random men making stupid, rude comments when I’m visibly struggling in public?

[shutityouduffer]

This gets me so fuming. Name changed.

Today I have no car with me. I have to collect something from the post office as it’s needed for a family holiday, we’re setting off early tomorrow. For reference it’s a tabletop barbecue. It said on the John Lewis website it was 12kg and I thought I’d be ok to pick it up myself.

I get the parcel and it’s massive, i cant get my arms around it, and turns out the gross weight of the package is over 20kg. iThe post office is only a 10-min walk from mine, so I pick it up and attempt to carry it, awkwardly and in 25 degree weather.

Now this bbq has “SHARKNINJA” written on the side of the box. A man walks past, can see I’m struggling. He chooses to say, very loudly at me, “SHARK NINJA.” I say yes, trying to move past him. He then turns to his mate and says “I should’ve kicked it.” Wtf???? it doesn’t even make sense - what goes through this man’s head?

Another incident last week - I’m walking my golden retriever, he’s a puppy not yet neutered, but dogs on both sides of the road take exception to him and start barking at him (happens a lot with unneutered males) so I whisk him out into the road to avoid both sets of dogs. No traffic. He’s a softy and he paws at me, because he’s stressed (he wants to be picked up for reference). Man on the pavement shouts, again with a mate, “are you sure you can handle that dog?” As I’m trying to get him safely back onto the pavement. Again what is the point??? I don’t even acknowledge it and then his mate shouts after me, “he was only joking!”

AIBU to be sent into a rage by these stupid comments? I should say a couple of (different) men offered to help with the package and were very kind, so I have no general vendetta against men. But it’s never women making unasked for, unhelpful and rude comments when I’m already visibly stressed out…

I had bought a couple of bras at Tesco a couple of years back, and as I passed the security gate the alarm went off. I hadn’t realised they were tagged, and I’d used the self checkout. The woman took them out my bag to remove the tags and an older man passed me and said ‘bet you’re glad you didn’t have it on’ in a sleazy voice. I nearly threw up in my mouth 🤮

A couple of years ago I was getting on a bus wearing a mask when the driver, who was standing beside it vaping, said 'your glasses have steamed up.'

Well yes, I can actually tell if my glasses have steamed up, you know. I felt like replying that it had the advantage that I couldn't see his nasty face but decided to give him my best side-eye instead. I have asthma and I do my best to avoid any kind of virus but that's none of your business Mr Twatty bus driver and wearing a mask on public transport is MY lifestyle choice.

Guys who say that are automatically arseholes.

I don't think you really understand men as a whole, or the manosphere. The old bloke making stupid comments to you in a pub is very unlikely to be navigating "manosphere" forums on the internet, and most of them if you mentioned something like "feminism" or "men's rights" would just stare at you blankly and ask "what's that?"

Your life will improve a thousand-fold when you no longer give your inner calm away to strangers.

Hahahaha nailed it. Omg i've had a few blokes say that to me. 'Cheer up it might never happen', literally random strangers and yes, always blokes. How dare they! To which I replied 'it already has' and he didn't know what to say.

Sadly we're all just minnows swimming in the vast patriarchal ocean that is the manosphere.

Doesn't matter if he's online or not. It leeches into everything.

But this behaviour clearly predates the manosphere by decades.

I'm not really a fan of the clever or smug comments by the way. The issue with that approach is that it feeds them.

Whenever this happens to me, I don't make eye contact and I say nothing.

I had cheer up love it might never happen all through my 20s. As if we have a duty to look cheerful at all times. In your 20s you can be going through a lot of turmoil- end of relationships, and in my case my mums sudden death when I was 27. I didn’t need a bunch of randoms telling me to cheer up. I wonder if they do it because they have no idea how to approach women productively/ flirt?

"Manosphere" predates The Manosphere by centuries.

It doesn't. There is no camaraderie among men. Women have the sisterhood, but men do not share the same bond with other men.

Tomayto-tomahto the patriarchy predates the manosphere by 3-4000 ish years, sadly. Same shit different creek

YANBU they're boring, unfunny nobs and I take comfort in men I'm actually close to being shocked when I tell stories like the one's on this thread

One has to wonder quite how the word "camaraderie" came about then.

Completely agree and so sorry about your mum.

What you said reminded me of a girl I knew in college who decided to shave her head very very close cropped. She also had a very high voice and was very thin. Apparently she had a boy laugh at her for her haircut on the bus so she turned round and told him "I've got cancer" - she said he cried. Totally deserved it IMO

@TheYorkshirePudding omg that would really make me see red!

Both desperately seeking the approval of their mates 🙄 pathetic oiks.

Its etymological origins are from when genteel young ladies gather to embroider their camisoles together. Its a portmanteau. Camisole+embroidery. Therefore men cannot have camaraderie. 🧵

*caution. This is not actual fact.

Yep, it's always men.

A few years ago I was walking to the solicitors just after my dad died and I got some bellend telling me to "smile"- if I had had a knife on me at that moment I think I would have gutted him.

Then once, I was waiting in a shop queue and a short scruffy looking bloke joined behind me, looked me up and down scathingly and said "you're tall for a woman arent you?" (I'm 5'10") so I looked him up and down scathingly and then said "yes, and you're short for a man arent you?". Funnily enough he shut up then and didnt say another word 😂

It's always men saying these idiotic things and it baffles me how they seem to think anyone gives a toss about their opinion. Noone cares what some stupid middle aged man thinks

This. I'm sick to the back teeth with men.

I'm old and men never used to be like this. They are assholes now.

You what? Have you never spoken to serving or old soldiers?

I said ‘thank you’ and he was oblivious to my tone and looked really pleased with himself 😂

When you are old like me you learn to have weaponised deafness, short sightedness and general eccentricity. Nowadays I only see and notice what I want to. Randoms can go to hell.