I was so tired, but so happy, now i’m just so tired

[Whereisthegrassasgreen]

When Dd was smaller and I was fortunate enough to be with her until school at 5. I just loved the life so much, all the friends meet ups, the days out, the baking and crafts at home, the little shows and sitting cuddled up.
She’s now 7, i’m back at work, life doesn’t have anywhere near the same fulfilment or happiness

Was that the best it could get, I got five years of my perfect life, god I miss it so much

I'm a sahm. DC is now in Reception. The last five years have been the best of my life too!

If your husband enjoyed having everything at home sorted, your enjoyed it and you can afford it, why not consider giving up work again? There are so many school holidays. The two of you could do some great trips!

Or, would retraining to work in early years in some capacity / childminding or something inspire you?

I know there are people like you, and most people would want to do something, but the average person does not love their job that much. They do it for money, because they have to.

OP YANBU! I know exactly what you mean, I love being a toddler mama. It’s not always easy, it can be stressful and frustrating, but it’s so utterly wonderful. You get to be their whole world and vice versa - you can leave everything else behind for a little while and just enjoy life alongside them. My 2yo is so so happy when it’s me and her (and sometimes her dad) going for a walk - she thinks it’s the best thing ever. Because their world is so new, even the small things are big things. It crushes my heart that one day she’ll stop wanting to spend all her time with me; she won’t want to stop and look at all the leaves we come across and rearrange the stones on all the paths. These little things make her so happy.
If I were you I’d seriously consider that embryo. 48 is for sure old but it’s not TOO old, most of the age issues are biological issues but they shouldn’t apply all being well. Even if it doesn’t work it might give you some closure, and if it does work it sounds like you’d love to do it all again.
I will add - even if you did go for the second embryo and it did work and you did have a second child, it doesn’t solve this problem - just pushes it down the road. I’ve got lots of kids and it’s no less bittersweet when I think of the toddler stage with my older ones - i know I’m SO lucky to get to do it again, I absolutely cherish it, but I also spend too much time preemptively feeling heartsore because I know how sad I’ll be when these days are gone. I know full well how fast this time goes and it breaks my heart even as I love this stage.

My baby was relatively easy. Breastfeeding was easy and they are almost never ill. No reflux or allergies. Not really inclined to have tantrums - they spoke quite early and I wonder if that meant they weren't frustrated by being unable to express themself.

They slept OK, but we co-slept (often still do) so even when they were waking every few hours we'd just go back to sleep so I'd get quite a lot of sleep in total even if it was broken into two hour chunks.

I don't think it was just having an easy baby though. I think I'm pretty calm and easy going by nature too and so not much stressed me out. We have a very calm and quiet house. So I think the environment was also conducive to a calmer baby.

my husband likes and mostly enjoys his job, but if we won the lottery (that we don’t even play lol) no way would he be back at work if it was enough cash! He would probably ly start his own business if the money wasn’t enough, something where he could be around for the kids. Or if the cash was plenty then some volunteering on top of what he already does now.

He absolutely loves his time with the kids, works a compressed week so is off three days out the week. When he has to go back on the monday it breaks his heart.

7 is a wonderful age.

IME do try to enjoy every moment, rather than pine for what’s already been.

Because before you know it she’ll be in her 20s and moving out. It really does whizz by that fast!

Not working while your child is young is fun.
I miss it. When you go back to work, it's inevitable you feel a lot more tired. There are fun times at all ages but things do get busier with each year.

There is a reason people have more kids….

If I were in a certain mood I might say, ODFOD, but I just spent 2 hours at the splash park with my two dc.
Being a mum, a parent, is bloody difficult, it's relentless, but it's not a competition between SAHP's and those that work outside the home. Sanctimony about one being better than the other is 🥱

I don’t know why people have turned this into a competition. I have worked fulltime all my kids’ lives. I like my job as an NHS hospital consultant and it’s exhausting but fulfilling. I also desperately wanted kids and was so happy to have them. I juggled work and babies and am so proud that I managed both. I am very close to my adult kids now. Identify equally as a doctor and a parent.

But OP did it differently. She wanted to stay home and loved every minute of those early years. So she and I both did what we wanted so are lucky in that way. No need for some of the comments here.

7 is a funny age because they are more independent from you but haven't yet grown up enough for some things. When my oldest hit 9 I was amazed at how much fun he became to hang out with in a different way, chatting and joking around, going to cafes together to read our books, watching some of my fave movies and shows together, doing outdoorsy stuff he had been too small for before, cooking together... there's so much great stuff ahead of you OP, I promise, and seeing who she becomes and helping her discover that.

@SerenaCat93 if you "have all the time in the world and do whatever you want' when you are parenting, you are definitely doing it wrong 😂

Thank you so much for this! Children are all so different. And I think you’re right that the positive side of having a screamy baby is that things get better and better! I’d only consider another when she was school
age if money and my age weren’t an issue.

Same.

Exactly. Most people who “love their job” would still be happy to quit if there was a major windfall of some kind. If they could get by on investments or something “hands-off”, they would. And why wouldn’t they? I personally had extremely difficult babies, but I can still totally understand what Op means and don’t feel like I have to turn it into a “you should want to work” bashing thread.

You stayed at home for five years and now only work part time with only one child to look after. It really doesn’t sound too hard!

I get the exhaustion of feeling like you have no time to do anything properly, or stop and smell the roses. That WILL pass as your DD becomes more independent and you will find yourself with time on your hands. I am at the other end of the process with young adults half here-half not.... and it has been a big lesson in not losing myself on the way, which I think I did a bit. Having kids is just a gradual process of pushing them away from yourself so they can fly, not keeping them close. Doesn't mean you can't still have (and love!) times of closeness but they will change and become fewer and you will be progressively less important in your DD's life (and rightly so). I read your post as grief at the loss of your primary role in your DD's world, but it doesn't come back or get easier and it is important to hold on to yourself as well. Good luck OP, hope you have time to plan and do some lovely things to do with your DD now she is the age she is - summer holidays are LONG!!!

Aw - I promise the later years are good too! FWIW I did not find my SAHM years my most enjoyable. About half was great but eventually i was mostly just bored and felt my IQ dwindling. Couldn't wait to go back to work and speak to adults about non child things again. Having said that - my two happiest days ever were when my children were born.

I'm older and had four children, now adults. I had them over a period of ten years and didn't go back to work until the youngest was at full time primary school. Like you we had no holidays, no new cars, and only spent what we had to because of our mortgage and the cost of having four children, but didn't suffer any real deprivation. I wasn't sorry to go back to work and the money was nice, but my time at home with them was the happiest time of my life.
I should add that my DH travelled abroad a lot for his work so was only too pleased not to have to pack up and go on holiday - even today he's not a holiday person. We didn't take out a huge mortgage because we couldn't afford it, but skipped the "middle" house which saved moving costs.
I'm sure that you and @Whereisthegrassasgreen will be pleased to hear that things pick up again when you retire...

My DIL is like you, calm, relaxed, and so was her first baby. The next was a different story, screamy, didn't sleep - so although I agree with you to a certain extent it doesn't work with a difficult baby.

I know it’s tempting to congratulate yourself for your baby’s temperament when it’s easygoing…

but do know that the equally calm, easygoing, healthy, relaxed, well-informed, well-prepared, and responsible parents of screamer/colicky babies will roll their eyes at you 😂

I read all sorts of stuff about how cortisol affects babies in the womb and was convinced that having a risk free, healthy pregnancy and a wonderful, happy, calm life and relationship to welcome her into, with the best planning, meant we’d have a happy, gurgling cherub. We got a screamer!

Whereas my friend, who had an extremely stressful pregnancy, debated keeping the child until the last minute, and lived quite a hectic lifestyle… she got the cherub 😂

Today is my youngest's 20th birthday. I've loved every stage but this one is amazing. We are celebrating tonight by going out to drink margaritas and eat tacos. Chat, laugh, gossip, giggle... my DD's have both become amazing young women and I adore spending time with them.

Love this

Something to look forward to OP!