I was so tired, but so happy, now i’m just so tired

[Whereisthegrassasgreen]

When Dd was smaller and I was fortunate enough to be with her until school at 5. I just loved the life so much, all the friends meet ups, the days out, the baking and crafts at home, the little shows and sitting cuddled up.
She’s now 7, i’m back at work, life doesn’t have anywhere near the same fulfilment or happiness

Was that the best it could get, I got five years of my perfect life, god I miss it so much

But so does the time you’re having right now!

Do you still sit in the bathroom with her when she has a bath? Do you still help her wash her hair? Do you still braid her hair? Does she still hold your hand sometimes when walking down the road? Does she still crawl into your bed for cuddles?

No one warns you when the last time for any of those things will be. You don’t even notice the last time until you suddenly realise it’s stopped.

Before you know it OP she will be a teenager and you’ll be wishing she was 7 again.

I was responding to another poster’s point with an alternative view. It’s called discussion……..

The day they tell you something you don't know, or introduce you to a new idea, music, opinion that broadens your world.
The day you discuss something and they have their own opinion formed from their own values and experiences and it makes you think, and truly understand they are more than just what you've created.
The happiness at their achievements, which is like your own, but doubled.
The way your world will expand with the new people they'll bring into it.
Being able to enjoy adult orientated things while still being with your favourite people.

To you, it is not. To many others, it is. It is staring people in the face, this juxtaposition.

Mine still does most of these at 15. 💕

Mine is back to doing a lot of them too at 16. But there was a period when she was 12/13 and decided she was “too grown up” for all that. The early hormonal years were hard!!

She does her own shower and hair 😞 occasional hand holding…I know but you notice it slipping away x

It sounded really defensive? but i’m really not sure why!

Fgs

And fwiw it’s great you’ve gone back to work

It’s only great for those who want to do it. There’s nothing intrinsically great or virtuous about it. If you are lucky enough to be able to afford not to go back to work post-children, and you enjoy being a SAHP, that’s great too!

Some people have trickier/more colicky/clingy/non-sleeping/neurodiverse children and just need a break. Mat leave was genuinely awful for me, but I look at some other babies and understand why some mothers really enjoyed their time off work. Other kids from my NCT group slept more than 45 mins at a time (at night), didn't spend hours shrieking, and could sit down peacefully for stretches of time. I didn't get a moment's peace until I returned to work (I went back early at 6 months).

Even now (she is almost 2), she constantly wants to be on me with 100% of my attention (which I do give) but she doesn't want to bake or go anywhere. She wants to just be on my hip 100% of the time and it's incredibly draining after the initial loveliness. She also cosleeps and is breastfed. 8 hours of work is like a holiday for me to recharge, have hot food/drink, and be treated as a human in my own right and have my body to myself. I also enjoy my job and having the financial freedom to separate if I ever needed to.

Not trying to dismiss your experience but just explain what motivates other mums to reflect differently on their time with children. It's not all nurture, she came out the womb spicy 😆

I’ll probably be lynched for saying this and sorry if it’s an issue but what about another baby ?!! Relive it !

For me, may sound a bit weird, but the best thing was when my young teen daughter stood up for her friend, who had been a version of "slut shamed". She got a lot of shit for it too. I was so proud of her. When the kids pass their exams too, that's a great feeling. They bring so much into your life as teenagers. It's not park trips and jam tarts but it's amazing! You've so much to look forward to.

I promise you’re got many more magical moments ahead.

their first nativity performance. Teacher praising her at parents evening. Watching her jump in the pool with joy on holiday. Silly friendships. Trying to stay quiet while she experiments with bizarre hairstyles. When she makes you a cuppa as you get in from work, as you sing along in the car on the school run. And so many more.

@bigageapsummed it up perfectly.

You will watch her and have this big lump in your throat, knowing you helped form your remarkable child.

and I found many moments felt more special because they were just that - special moments. Not just another part of the every day.

I sympathise with how you’re feeling. But try to look forward with excitement rather than backwards with longing.

If you keep this mindset, life will pass you by. You can only move forward

Yes .it's very fulfilling,we are conditioned to want to work and earn money ,but having been a SAHM and having a career,by far the most rewarding was bringing up my own children..
But they don't stay little for long ,so it's good to treasure that time as much as we can

I hear you - I love seeing my dc grow and thrive, there are wonderful adventures and conversations to be had as they grow - but I was always happiest at home with them living a simple life. I do a job I love but it’s not the same…

I have two toddlers with special needs. I long to be making memories like the ones you have made. You are very blessed to have had those lovely years with your DD. My memories will be full of isolation, struggling through and crying at home. I wish I could take my kids out for the day without it being absolutely bloody awful.

Exactly!

Maybe you could make sure you have some clear space in your week to do nothing but hang out with your daughter, and do nice relaxed things together?

Life is so busy, there's so much pressure to fill every minute with useful activities, you almost have to schedule down time. But clearing special mum and daughter time might make you feel you still have those magical moments. There are plenty more to come, don't worry, they might just take a different form! And school holidays are very long...

It's time to find a hobby!

I miss my daughter being a baby every day but I love the freedom I get to pursue my own passions now she's a bit more independent and going to primary school. I get my biggest self esteem boost and self actualisation from my personal passions and achievements. I love being a mum but at my core I'm a horsewoman and in the saddle I feel free and on top of the world. I wouldn't give up my time with my horses to go back to the baby days for the world. We are more than just mothers! We are whole people!

In just a few short years my daughter will be riding with me and we'll be galloping along having adventures together. I have so much to teach her and so much joy to share with her. I can't wait! I want to see her be wild and free, not stuck to my apron strings.

I can't wait to take her shopping for her first pointe shoes (she loves ballet like I do), prim dress shopping, choosing her wedding dress. She's got a whole life to live and I can't wait to see it! Wishing for her to be stuck as a toddler is a bit sad in my opinion.

I have a frozen embryo from when I was younger, but 48 now…

With you OP, at home with 3 under 5 was 100% my happy place. Once school got involved it all went downhill, I miss those days when we were author of our own destiny. Even if destiny was mostly a mooch round Aldi and a trip to the library.

100% this ❤️

Salary, career, pension, bills, wanting to be able to eat and mend the car. All very good reasons not to give up work.