I was so tired, but so happy, now i’m just so tired

[Whereisthegrassasgreen]

When Dd was smaller and I was fortunate enough to be with her until school at 5. I just loved the life so much, all the friends meet ups, the days out, the baking and crafts at home, the little shows and sitting cuddled up.
She’s now 7, i’m back at work, life doesn’t have anywhere near the same fulfilment or happiness

Was that the best it could get, I got five years of my perfect life, god I miss it so much

If the embryo is good, you'll likely be good. Many women have given birth in their late forties, fifties, and sixties when using donor eggs. It's been established that the eggs are the problem when it comes to age, not the uterus. And if you have an embryo, and the embryo is OK, then all should be well, all other things being equal.

This is lovely to read. My DD is 19 months now.

Out of interest, do all those who love the baby/toddler years have very chilled babies?

There are people on this thread who sound like they don’t find it hard at all. Is it baby temperament? or mindset?

I love my DD but she was a very screamy newborn, walked at 8 months, and is in full on temper tantrum territory now. She still wakes several times a night and so we share a room. I don’t wish any of it away because she is also so wonderful, and I feel so happy and fulfilled… but it is hard, and I am tired. I also went back to work at 7 months pp and DP took 6 months paternity leave (so I have good support at home!) Work has seemed relatively easy since she was born - in the nicest possible way. I think another one would be a mistake for us. I feel awful saying that. I wonder why others feel so differently.

I went back to work full time 5 weeks after csec, my boss would pick me up and drop me off. DH was working for himself so at home. After 8 weeks when I could drive I was back to 24/7 on call. IT support for a factory. I missed all her first moments but it was what it was.

I think it is a bit unhealthy to be too enmeshed tbh

The point is you're not in your own little world

As a fellow IVFer with embryos in the freezer I would say if you really want to and other than age there are no reasons not to then why not? Two reasons not to do it that people like to bring up with older parents is the risk/likelihood of success (not the same concerns with frozen embryos, it's the only advantage we get with our infertility) and the child potentially losing parents younger (there are no guarantees for any of us at any age, my maternal grandma took slightly longer to have my mum, my other grandma had my dad in her early 20s but both my parents were the same age when they lost their mums as my maternal grandma lived to a much older age).

I'm not sure why people are using OP's post as a springboard for venting their own insecurities about SAHP/WOHP. I could come on here and gripe at you ALL because i'll never be able to afford to have children at all, but it's really not the point of the thread, is it?

Because the horses dogs and children don't pay for themselves! And why should a husband work his ass off so his wife can wait all day?

I work damn hard to pay fory horses, it's important for my daughter to see that. I don't want her growing up expecting to waft while everything is given to her.

We were back then, I realise it would not be normal to be now and she has many friends, clubs, school…but for a short while it felt like we were in our own little world

You're not alone. I had two screamers which is why there's over a 3 year gap between ours. I needed to actually sleep again before even thinking about another one. I thought I was doubly unlucky to get a second screamer but they're both adorable teens now. Other mums were churning out seconds while my life was still a train wreck. The chances are you may have a very bright child on your hands there so there will be something to be thankful for eventually. Not always, but the ones that cry a lot often seem to be the very clever ones!

My second one nearly broke me. No sleep for many years again and sleeping in the same room etc. Now he's 14 he's adorable LOL! Absolutely no regrets 😍

Agree, no idea why it took that turn at all. I hope you will be able to afford to have kids (if you eant them of course) x

Yep believe me there were very hard times, my Dd is very ‘Spirited’ 😅and strong willed, hated sleeping, bad colic at the start and many other things…I’d still go back if I could

yep, i felt the same. I have four kids and home educate, i love being with them. I don’t need or want to work and find a lot of fulfilment being at home with my kids.

I hated working and sending them to nursery and didn’t love them being at school either. Everyone is a lot happier in our house with me at home.

There are lots of really normal parents with very normal healthy children in the home ed world who are lucky enough to be doing those things for longer.

My eldest daughter is a wonderful, incredibly intelligent, astute, and very cool 16 year old, who's become the best thing I could have wished for.

As a pp said, I'm proud of what she has become and achieved, even if I said "That was my achievement" - it's not really. It's definitely something I contributed to, but it's all her brilliance, and tenacity, hard work, alongside determined attitude and skills. She is everything I ever wanted, and I remember thinking when I was pregnant , wishing i had the best child I was able to raise.

I loved the wonder of her younger years that I had two more children, who are equally delightful and unique. Every stage of their childhood has had its own challenges, and my youngest who's 6 has certainly been the most difficult in terms of attitude and tantrums, but I wouldn't change a thing.

I definitely cherished my SAHM years of my youngest children over the past 7 years, but now I'm working part time, I'm becoming a lot more productive and back to the old me. It's certainly given me more drive, efficiency, and appreciation of the precious time I have for myself. And yes, we're still going to the same primary school as my eldest daughter, so it's really lovely seeing the teachers that taught my eldest now teaching the youngest too.

Did your partner find it so great having to earn all the money whilst you farted around doing crafts and baking for 5 years?

Looking after a child is farting around?
Are you jealous OP was able to be a SAHP and loved it? Why on earth are you bashing a mum for loving being a mother? Issues?

And I'm snuggled up with my children in my room right now asleep, happy., and just us. Their innocence, such wonder at the world, endless curiosity at all the little things, running to me with a daisy picked in the park, having a vivid imagination and shrieking as they play with their toys... I think I am living my childhood again through them. And yes, i had two more children as I couldn't bear the thought of letting go of my eldest daughter, and it makes my heart fulfilled to be someone's world again ❤️

It is absolutely such a privilege to be a mum, and i do feel so lucky. Cherish every moment ✨️

She certainly makes it sound like farting around with all the "little world of our own" toddler groups and having nowhere to be but having coffee and playing all day. Many women don't want to be SAHMs they find it boring or stressful and prefer to work. Or they just think it's unfair to expect one worker to keep a whole family.

I absolutely love being a mum but I don't want to do that and only that all day every day. Many posters who are bringing this up are just fed up of SAHMS wanging on about it being the hardest job in the world and a full time job they never get a break from when we all know full well they prefer it to working because it's easier to do whatever you want and have all the time in the world.

I sit everyday after work in the living room and my child who secondary age is around me.....the connection is there

Nothing stops us having a chat, going out for a walk, baking again and why not? Desserts are always a treat...being silly discussing girly things, shopping trips....are you ok OP?

Farted around? Or did basically the most important job of raising our daughter?
He certainly appreciated being able to only have to think about going to work, every other thing was taken care of, time after work was free, no food shopping, cooking, cleaning, the same at weekends..we were free to spend as a family..all he had to think about was going to work.
I also think he appreciated the 17 odd years previous to Dd (took years to conceive due to infertility ) where I was the highest earner, often working six days a week and he benefited from that too,
Ive never ‘Farted about’ as you so delicately put it, in my life. I put my all into motherhood and am so glad and grateful I had that time

Am I ok?

This is really sweet. The worst year of my life was being at home with a baby and a very difficult toddler. I could not have done five years of that, it almost killed me.
Now I am loving my teenagers though!

All these posters being so sanctimonious about working vs sahp would quit their jobs as soon as humanly possible if they won the lottery or some other such thing. That’s why they’re doubling down so hard on it - because they have to convince themselves it’s important.

I honestly wouldnt quit my job. I suspect I am very lucky though to have a job that I genuinely enjoy and makes me feel fulfilled