I was so tired, but so happy, now i’m just so tired

[Whereisthegrassasgreen]

When Dd was smaller and I was fortunate enough to be with her until school at 5. I just loved the life so much, all the friends meet ups, the days out, the baking and crafts at home, the little shows and sitting cuddled up.
She’s now 7, i’m back at work, life doesn’t have anywhere near the same fulfilment or happiness

Was that the best it could get, I got five years of my perfect life, god I miss it so much

You get it back after the teenage years when you have a fulfilling life/career, enough money to afford a decent life, and free time back again.

I know its a slog, and god, did I struggle at your stage. But it was worth it!

I can promise you so much more is yet to come! My oldest is nearly 11 and youngest is 6.5, and yes I do look so fondly back at the pre school years. Working part time or being on mat leave, and not having the school run, its a very lovely and low pressure time. I obviously forget that I found the ages of 3.5 5 probably the hardest of all so far!

But that definitely doesnt mean you have peaked.

Are there options that are open to you? I think it is worth making sure you do get the best balance you can. I have rarely worked properly full time since the kids were young, even when working from home, and Ive always ensured my working pattern fits at least one school run so I can feel involved in their day.

What are your options in terms of carving out some time for you to continue having some time?

Come back to us in the toddler days. 4 months is a truly wonderful time, when they are runnning, climbing and back answering is another story!

You’re comparing not working and swanning about all day going to lunch and doing fun things vs working and still trying to maintain a social life and having fun etc.

Of course it’s going to be a massive shock to the system and it can be exhausting trying to do everything.

But just focus on how much of a good time you did have and now it’s time to focus on your career and be a good role model for your DD in that way.

Could you try and go PT?
Although this would probably be unfair on DH, so you could both discuss about both dropping a day so you can both enjoy more free time.

I found doing all of the chores and shopping etc during the week, meant that the weekends were more free to do fun things.

I'm working full time and have a 5 yo and a 2 yo, and although I love my job and I love being able to progress in a career that I love and feels fulfilling, I completely relate with what you're saying about having the time to just be in that bubble with your child (I've never been a SAHM, but I can relate to that feeling).

The other day I had a full morning with my 5 yo, just the 2 of us, and we were both saying how it was our best morning ever (in the entire universe as she likes saying). And I was reflecting on why that was, because we didn't do anything grandiose. We just went for a walk and splashed in the river. The thing that made it so special was that we had nowhere else to be. No plans, no time to be ready by for something else, just time. It was so perfect.

I'm so rushed and stressed most of the time, always trying to tick stuff off my list, I really need to remember to just take the time with the kids when I can (it's so bloody hard!).

I remember someone saying to me when I was expecting my third "but you was just getting your life back..." I didn't want my old life back.

Because we are all different aren't we? Nothing has been as forfilling as being a mum for me. All the corporate crap was just working to buy another CEO a new yacht.

YABU

all stages in life come to an end and move on. You’re hardly the only parent it’s happened to.

This is why no mother can watch Mama Mia ‘Slipping through my fingers’ without bawling.

I bloody loved those pre school years. Play fighting on the rug in front of the open fire before bath and bed. Reading to her as she fell asleep. Watching Bear in the Big Blue House in bed together in a morning.

But honestly you’ve got so many fabulous stages to come. I’m besides myself with excitement as she’s at Euston getting the train home with her boyfriend and her cousin for Whit Friday. Cannot bloody wait until she gets here.

Just seize every moment.

I agree with others, who wants to bloody work when you can waft with children, dogs and horses?

Since I had my twins 4 years ago I’ve only worked for 3 months from last October to this January. I’ve loved every minute. I’ve loved been home with them, I loved the stay and play groups, the park trips, the baking, everything I loved. I really need to get a job now they’re in full time school but I really don’t want to. I’m only getting one so we can finally buy our first house. If I wasn’t doing that I’d genuinely consider another couple of years as a homemaker. As for them growing up, I’ve got the luxury of knowing what it’s like to have grown up children. It’s also great. My 19 yo son can be really sweet. And my 21 yo daughter is like my little broke bestie! We are so similar. You’ve still got great years ahead, they stress you out, but it’s great!

Op you had a baby not to keep them a toddler forever but to raise them to eventually become independent /adult with their own life. I find it helpful to see them getting older as a good thing and exactly what's meant to happen if that makes sense 🤣 for me tbh I felt very differently in that you couldn't pay me to go back to the toddler stage and enjoy mine more every year that goes by but even so I think you need to try and reframe how you're viewing things atm because you could end up missing out on being present if you're pining for the past :)

@Whereisthegrassasgreen I feel 100% the same. I think some people have missed the point of your post!

I loved the pre school years so much. We could do what we liked, lots of meeting friends, baby/toddler groups (didn’t love some of them tbh but my children did so we went!), walks, days out etc. Loads of expeditions to all sorts of places. Didn’t spend a fortune, made the most of the countryside near grandparents and the wealthy of free/low cost stuff in London (where we lived).

I miss it so much. I still go out and about a lot with my older dc but it’s never quite the same.

You will continue to love your child more and more but I understand completely grieving the freedom and simplicity of the early years (while also understanding that for lots of people it is extremely tough and they much prefer parenting older children!)

I think this is the most important post here. Of course we can have our gripes, but those of us that have healthy children without additional needs should thank our lucky stars that we get to have those regrets about our children growing up & changing, when this isn’t the case for many.

@LittleRobins I’m sorry it’s been so tough.

empathy dripping from this post 😂😂😂

YANBU at all! I went back to work when DD started school and I quit 2 months ago. I am sooooo much happier! I can do all drop offs and pick ups, we do activities after school, I help with school trips, and as a whole family we eat so much healthier, our home has never been so organised, and I joined the gym. My older children seem calmer too as I guess the whole vibe has changed.

This is really lovely, I didn’t enjoy my maternity leave much. I would probably enjoy being off with her now that she’s a toddler but I found the baby stage so hard, lonely and boring (everyone at work, no one to do anything with and a screaming baby all the time). I went back to work when she was 9 months old. I started to enjoy her a lot more after age one. I’m a little envious of people who had the opposite experience to me

Making a home, being part of a community, making a community, is as valid as 'going out to work' which may not be at all interesting or useful. We lost our communities because everyone is at work and this really is not progress.

I couldn’t face going back to work, and didn’t want to rely on paid childcare settings either side of school, so I went self employed. I work odd hours but I can fit in family life and be present. Is this something you can consider?

Receiving an out of the blue Whatsapp from my son when he was at uni thanking me for being such a great and understanding Mum. At the time I genuinely thought one of his friends had got hold of his phone and sent it for a laugh.

However he confirmed it was from him and that other people he had met did not have good relationships with their parents and so he wanted me to know how grateful he was 😍

My daughter is 11 and she comes home telling me all her dramas at school. I go to the supermarket or shops and she comes along too. Picks clothes with me. We have pets and she's becoming an animal whisperer just like me. We are building a pond at the moment. She loves to straighten or curl my hair at night (whilst telling all of her school dramas). I am an insomniac, so is she. When my husband and son are fast asleep and we are wide awake we sit in her bed with the curtains open with a stargazing app on my phone. She is fabulous, she is in some ways just like me which I love but in other ways nothing like me which I love even more. I did not think I would like this stage but I love it even more than the younger stage.

Friday night board games and popcorn is the best now they can actually play decent games and accept not winning!

Yes it was hard leaving DC at nursery and going to work then picking up at 6pm. Just feel lucky to have the time to have done what you did as many of us have missed this luxury. Xx

This
And for the parents who were /are not in the position to not work, there are multiple opportunities to spend time and create memories and experiences too.

Alot of people share your experience.
I was extremely lonely when my son was a baby and I loved him very much.

Have you posted before OP? Someone else posted something almost identical a while ago. I think you're just mourning her growing up. Therefore will be different enjoyable times on the way.

I loved the pre school years too. I had 3 under 3 and my life was just baby groups and days mooching with friends. It was honestly so lovely being with my little girls.my girls are now all teenagers and I love this stage just as much. Cinema trips, long drives to their hobbies and chatting about their lives on the way. Holidays and gigs with them.
I think the teenage years are almost as good. I work full time now but its less of a juggle mostly!
The better part of them being teenagers is that the relationship with my husband is much stronger than when they were pre schoolers. We get so much more time together. I found i was so tired when they were little and you obviously couldn't leave them at home to pop out for a walk or quick drink at the pub together.
There is lots to look forward too.

I feel you op, my two are four years apart and my second will be four in August so he's off to school. After 8 years of having a baby/preschooler at home I'm a little sad that this stage is over. DD is nearly 8 now and I adore her, watching her become the independent and strong person she's turning into is a privilege but I miss spending so much time with her, between school and her myriad hobbies (which she loves). I've been a SAHM and I've worked, I'm a SAHM now and it's an absolute joy for me, I don't miss working at all. It'll be strange come September, I'm not really looking forward to it!