To be absolutely depressed by parenting

[checktheoil]

I don’t know if it’s just me. It often feels like it but I am absolutely depressed by parenting mine. It feels like there’s nothing good; every day longing for them to go to bed and then the same shitshow starts again the next day!

@checktheoil - have you asked for professional support yet? Both for you as an individual (maybe counselling?) and you as a parent (parenting classes)?

It's not supposed to be this hard. Yes, toddlers are awful and 2 kids is relentless - but it's not supposed to be as hard as you're finding it. Truly, most people don't find it as hard as you do right now, not for such a prolonged period. I know that sounds awful but what I mean is maybe you need some additional support, you sound depressed, anxious and overwhelmed.

I really don’t want advice, thank you. It is overwhelming and doesn’t work. I do know some people aren’t remotely fazed by constant screaming and conflict and arguments; I am. We’re all different, aren’t we?

Einstein did say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Scream into the void by all means. However you do have the power to change things if you want to. Don't forget that. No matter how dark things get, or how hard they are. You can do it, and will get by.

Counselling and parent classes aren't just about giving advice @checktheoil , maybe you could be supported to turn things around? It can't be worse than just gritting your teeth and waiting for it to pass.

I don’t give an actual flying fish what a dead scientist had to say and I’ll repeat I don’t want advice. This thread was upped by someone asking after me and I replied honestly that I’ve had a terrible week and am really struggling and instead of being able to be open and honest I’m firefighting patronising suggestions I didn’t even ask for.

OP I hated every day of early parenting. I had a 20 month age gap between my two. They were actually pretty easy kids, did not tantrum or fight much and were reasonably biddable. I still found it relentless and boring and unrewarding. I loved them but could not relate to small children at all. The only thing that helped was time and them getting older. But you are definitely not alone!

I was much more suited to the primary school/homework years and really enjoyed the teenage period as I coped much better with those challenges. I just think we’re all perhaps suited to different parts of parenting!

People are genuinely really trying to help. The fact you can't see that is an insight into your mental state right now.

If things really are like you say and you feel you can't change, get to the doctors for some medication. It really is outside the bounds of normal to feel relentlessly like you do. For the odd day/week here and there, yes. But every single day with the attitude you have (and I don't mean that negatively) isn't normal, sustainable or healthy for you. Therefore support is needed from somewhere, drugs, DH, therapy, paid help are all options.

I wish you all the best.

Thank you. I think I’m just so ground down that stupid things are making me tearful and depressed. Dd repeats herself endlessly; doesn’t matter how many times you acknowledge her, just keeps saying the same thing on loop. This morning I had ‘I want to get out’ (of the car) over and over until we got to where we were heading to. That said, they’re OK apart as a rule.

Can I ask what exactly you want from this thread if you don’t want advice? Just to vent? (apologies if you’ve said that already in your OP, can’t see it right now). I agree with other posters that the problem sounds like it’s within you, maybe stress, burnout, depression, issues in your relationship. Those things are all likely exacerbated by parenting two young kids, but the stress of parenting alone won’t have caused them. I’m a single mum with young kids & have very little support, and yeah it’s insanely hard sometimes, but the joy they bring me and my love for them outweighs the tough times. And I know, like you said, everyone is different, but there are ways to learn how to cope with stress better. I can’t stand the screaming and fighting either. I just stick my AirPods in and listen to my favourite music at full blast. When we’re in the house it works a treat! (Obviously this is only when they’re playing and I’m not interacting with them directly). However if they start being rude to me, or screaming and fighting, or trying to tell tales on the other, I have been known to stick in the airpods and back away mouthing, “I can’t hear you”!

This is going to sound awful but you do this a lot and it reminds me of dd; you just keep on and on replying as if your voice is the only one that matters and must be heard above all others. You’ve made your point; I’m insane because a dead scientist said so. Now if we could move on it might be best because it’s bad enough when my two year old does it!

This is going to sound awful but you do this a lot and it reminds me of dd; you just keep on and on replying as if your voice is the only one that matters and must be heard above all others. You’ve made your point; I’m insane because a dead scientist said so. Now if we could move on it might be best because it’s bad enough when my two year old does it!

Move on to what though?

Nothing is changing for you at the moment.

So where are you moving on to?

I meant for you to move on. That’s ruder than I would normally be but you didn’t get it first time.

Moving on

Last word. Always.