To be absolutely depressed by parenting

[checktheoil]

I don’t know if it’s just me. It often feels like it but I am absolutely depressed by parenting mine. It feels like there’s nothing good; every day longing for them to go to bed and then the same shitshow starts again the next day!

late bedtime? No. Bed time is just that.

I read a thing that said to prepare for being a parent you need to make a list of everything you like doing and then cross them off, one by one. True really.

That plan of extending her nursery time till August - do it. I would in your shoes. You have to put your own life jacket on first and that gives you more breathing space to get a grip on it all and not be screamed at.

Wot?

@ForWittyTealOP ah but before you become a parent you think your brilliant parenting will make it all different. Then - yes.

@bafta16 I’m not especially. But my DD is overtired and that’s leading to a lot of difficult behaviour in the day. Ds is still awake now but I’m not as fussed about that because I know he’ll sleep in in the morning and also he isn’t disturbing me, in the nicest possible sense!

It is very easy to accuse others of being obsessed by sleep when they aren’t the ones disturbed overnight, woken at the crack of dawn and then get the bit of me time they have at the end of each day snatched cruelly from them!

I know, it’s just money really and we are hit so much with bank holidays as one of her nursery days is a Monday.

It is very easy to accuse others of being obsessed by sleep when they aren’t the ones disturbed overnight, woken at the crack of dawn and then get the bit of me time they have at the end of each day snatched cruelly from them!

Yep, they’re all chilled mannnn. They couldn’t get at all worked up about 5 broken hours of sleep, every night for 6 years 😎✌🏻 (they don’t actually go through that themselves tho, but are happy to provide advice, because they definitely would be!)

Could you do it for half or part of the week then? That's better than nothing.

DD was up at 6.30 today, and is still awake now. She’s been lying in bed for 2 hours now; getting up periodically to check where I am. She’s already woken her brother once by shouting MUM. I have no evening. I cannot relax.

God I found this hilarious. I nearly woke up the 2 yr old demon beside me i laughed so much

I like this one

The teenage years are like Google reviews. You'll always hear more from people who struggle. I loved those years. Zero to two on the other hand 😱

They only have space Mondays and Fridays. That’s why she’s leaving, but it means she’ll then be term time only. Which means she and ds will be with me all school holidays, which means I shall be a nervous frazzled wreck.

My 2 yr old was up around the same time. He has just fallen asleep beside me, because he wont fall sleep alone in the cot. How old is your DD?
I am going to move him into the cot now because I want to shower and eat food like a human being does. He will be up again around midnight and will only fall back to sleep if I bring him into bed with me. Around 4am he will start thrashing around, hitting, kicking, hair pulling etc. I will wake up, try to protect myself and not go back to sleep.

I have a 3.5 yr old too. She is getting better at night
During the day they absolutely kill each other. And then we do that night time routine I mentioned above

Great Craic!

Is she moving to a different childcare provider? Can she start there early if so, even if it's only certain days? Likewise, I'd use what money was available to keep her in the present one for whatever days in August were possible. I see that the budget is limited, but I'd say one of your options here is to throw money at the problem and use childcare as extensively as you can for now, with the idea that it buys you, literally, time to decompress and also so you have more energy to tackle it all in the time you do spend with her.

I'm not accusing, I have lived through this. Bed time is bed time. Don't be a slave to them,

I‘m sure you’re not accusing, I just genuinely was / am a bit lost. If you mean bedtime is bedtime, that’s that, thats fine and I guess it’s a bit like early mornings, one thing it they’ll lie in bed quietly but a bit more problematic if they don’t!

@TeenageRooster she’s starting at preschool in September. It will be better in some ways but in others worse. Her current nursery is year round, obviously I don’t work school holidays so no issue on a practical level, it’s just very exhausting when she and ds are together.

Ok so what does that look like? What did you do if they got out of bed and messed around?

I’m with you on this OP. I find morning hours more refreshing, always have done.

Ds woke about five minutes ago and is in his room listening to the Yoto player; dd is still asleep 🙏🏻

I really hope this breaks the early mornings as they have been so tired. And so have I. I also started my period which explains why I’ve felt so tense and wound up all week. I never used to get any sort of PMT but it seems to have been haunting me lately.

It was very hard but I tried to be consistent and firm. It is incredibly hard.

I think that poster’s assuming (correctly IMO) that if you’re struggling that much with your kids (who are past the most difficult baby/toddler years) then it must be because your husband isn’t pulling his weight. Most people with two parents in the family don’t find things this hard

Very good point.

Great to hear about the sleep OP. I was convinced I had PMDD when my 2 were that age as the PMT rage I felt was awful. Worse than any post birth hormones etc. It was like my body stored it all up for the toddler years. If it help, my hormones really calmed down when the youngest was 4 so it was obviously linked to having small kids and the stress.

Well, at least one other poster on this thread does but JFC let’s say it is all on DH - what do posters want me to do? I’ve already tried to explain divorce is not the answer!

I have a friend with two little girls similar ages to my two (the youngest is exactly the age of my youngest actually) and I don’t think she finds it hard. But she and her DH have very involved and helpful parents / PIL who regularly have the girls for overnight stays as well as ad hoc childcare.

OTOH she works four days a week, so only has the one day with her youngest. I work two so get three. Swings and roundabouts.

I am also old and probably toddlers are not my forte.

So what does firm actually look like?

Shouting? Stern voice? Removal of toys / electronic devices?

I have an acquaintance who puts her child to bed, since she was 5 months old, at 7pm and does not open the door until 7am. Ever. Doesn't matter how much she screams. They literally close the door and never go in. Said child is 3 now, climbs out of her cot in middle of the night, trashes the room, takes off her nappy etc. They NEVER go in. Door is locked, they have a baby camera to check if she actually hurts herself badly.

I think it's child abuse. @bafta16 will tell you it's great parenting.

It was years ago but I'll try to respond. I was more or less on my own with them. Small age gap between. We had a routine and set bed time. Of course you can't make a child sleep and one of them cottoned on to this. Endless demands for stories and drinks and so on. I just stuck it out , over and over again.
I really sympathise, its awful.