To not agree to this Holiday ?

[copingjustfine]

Can someone please advise me if I’m being unreasonable here ?

Me and dad not together, I have our 5 kids living with me full time, dad sees them 5 hours A fortnight for 5 hours through his choice, and refused over nights

But.. he still thinks he can have the upper hand on everything

He wants to take tow of the children to Portugal ( aged 15 and 14) for a week 5th July-12 th July 2026. When he initially asked for the old passports so he can renew them they got handed over and I warned him via email any holiday abroad need to be planned in the school holiday after the breakup end of July

Now he’s emailed me after passports have arrived that he’s taking them beginning July. I’ve said no as we will get fined and risk of prosecution for all those days off and he replies with ‘you’ve got a loud mouth and don’t think rationally’ he’s basically backing me into a corner to agree

He said he will ask permission from the headteacher and that he’s going to tell them he’s going for a funeral. ( which is a lie)

He’s making out that I’m unreasonable, but am I?

And I know people will say ‘just let him pay the fines’ but I know this man he will tell me to ignore the fines and he a ain’t paying them but i am not doing good financially I can’t have this on my head when I’m not even the one taking them for 5 days, if it was 1 or 2 days overlap on his weekend holiday it would be fine but 5 days !!

I know if the headteacher declines his permission he will still pressure me to hand the kids over to take them and Make me look bad to the kids. I’ve asked him when did he send the permission request and he’s ignored me

What would you do on this situation without becoming the bad guy to your kids ?

If your kids will give you hell then you need to deal with that. They are learning how to abuse women from their dad.

Look at getting support so that you can stop yourself from thinking you have to accept bullying and coercion.

You can ignore the fines. Right up until the bailiff turns up. Happened to people I know who were stubborn.
They apparently wanted to take the car which meant he couldn't get to work at which point they spiralled into absolute chaos.

Why don't you go through CMS - if he is paying you so little and using it as a means to control ?

It is if he takes the kids without permission

The school won’t authorise the absence

This

It's quite likely that he's just taking your oldest two so that they can babysit his younger kids.

You need to stand firm with the kids, even if you think they'll sulk - they're old enough to understand that he can't take them away in term time, you would be fined and it's totally unfair on their three siblings.

I would tell the teacher the situation he has put you in.

Do you think he might be leaving with them permanently ? For someone who saw them for five hours once a fortnight with no overnights to suddenly wanting to take them abroad ?

I'm assuming you don't currently have school aged kids? Not a criticism, if you don't, you obviously don't know what it's like now with attendance. At my son's school you need proof of any appointment and illnesses over a certain length (not sure what that is because my son, through sheer luck, nothing else, hasn't been off sick in the last couple of years). My friend ended up paying her GP for a letter because the school demanded proof of her son's illness.

Under the new attendance guidelines, after 3 days off sick the school are supposed to do a welfare check 'eyes on the child' (and yes, it is happening already) so calling them in sick won't work either.

I'd:

a) refuse to hand the new passports over and/or
b) inform the school in advance of your ex's plan, tell the school you have refused permission (maybe give them a copy of a letter/email sent to him saying this) and tell the school that only the ex should be fined. You could also tell both ex & school that you will contact the police if he tries to taken them out of the country.

1. If he pays so little maintenance ansd earns so much then go through CMS.

1. Notify the school that their dad is planning on taking them on holiday in beginning of July but you do not want them to be out of school.

1. Tell him to take all 5 kids (or those under 18 at least) and in school holidays only. Be firm.

OP, if you feel you're not getting enough maintenance for your kids, check the rate he should be paying via CMS - he doesn't get to decide what's reasonable for him to pay. If he's self-emoyed there's a risk he'll take cash in hand work and not declare it, but if he's a salaried employee it can be taken directly from his wages, you have nothing to lose.

And you say the kids will nag you till you give in and let them go - you're the parent, you have to stick to your guns, they're old enough to understand that they can't go during term time.

You have agency.