To not agree to this Holiday ?

[copingjustfine]

Can someone please advise me if I’m being unreasonable here ?

Me and dad not together, I have our 5 kids living with me full time, dad sees them 5 hours A fortnight for 5 hours through his choice, and refused over nights

But.. he still thinks he can have the upper hand on everything

He wants to take tow of the children to Portugal ( aged 15 and 14) for a week 5th July-12 th July 2026. When he initially asked for the old passports so he can renew them they got handed over and I warned him via email any holiday abroad need to be planned in the school holiday after the breakup end of July

Now he’s emailed me after passports have arrived that he’s taking them beginning July. I’ve said no as we will get fined and risk of prosecution for all those days off and he replies with ‘you’ve got a loud mouth and don’t think rationally’ he’s basically backing me into a corner to agree

He said he will ask permission from the headteacher and that he’s going to tell them he’s going for a funeral. ( which is a lie)

He’s making out that I’m unreasonable, but am I?

And I know people will say ‘just let him pay the fines’ but I know this man he will tell me to ignore the fines and he a ain’t paying them but i am not doing good financially I can’t have this on my head when I’m not even the one taking them for 5 days, if it was 1 or 2 days overlap on his weekend holiday it would be fine but 5 days !!

I know if the headteacher declines his permission he will still pressure me to hand the kids over to take them and Make me look bad to the kids. I’ve asked him when did he send the permission request and he’s ignored me

What would you do on this situation without becoming the bad guy to your kids ?

You’ll be fined as well as him. I’d talk to the HT for advice.

You forget about being ‘the bad guy’ and start putting your foot down. If he has five children then he takes five children on holiday with him. He doesn’t get to pick and choose which are the easiest to parent, and which ones will be the most useful to him in terms of babysitting, because that’s setting the elder two up for realising that they’ve been used, and the three younger children up for disappointment and feeling like dad doesn’t love them as much because they aren’t treated equally. And who’ll be responsible for telling them they aren’t invited? I think you need to explain this to the elder two and say that as lovely as it would be for them to be entertaining young step siblings for a couple of weeks, you’re not going to let their dad treat them unequally, or leave you to pay the fine (the rules have really tightened up recently).

And then I strongly suggest you contact the school, tell them that it’s a holiday, not a funeral, and that you have informed him that you have zero intention of allowing the children to be taken out of school.

I’d also apply for a Court order preventing it.

He's unreasonable for the timing and for only taking 2, and for being so rude to you. You're right to be annoyed and to not want him to take them.
Would you really go to court though with all the expense and hassle, or try to get him apprehended at check in, to stop him taking his own kids on holiday for a week? He's not kidnapping them. If you say to school that he's lying you'll get fined, will he pay? You'll end up in court if the fine's not paid.
Do whatever is easiest for you, with 5 kids life can't be easy at the best of times.

If the 15 year old is in Year 10 then it is completely unacceptable. You need to tell the school what he is planning to do.Also tell him that he needs your permission to take them and you are refusing it. I wonder if you could contact Border control to tell them he doesn't have permission. That way if he tries to sneak them out with a faked letter from you,he will be stopped.

What would you do on this situation without becoming the bad guy to your kids ?

Tell them that you asked the school and the school said no. Make school the bad guy.

Forget being the bad guy - tell your dcs the truth, you agreed to him taking all the children on holiday in the school holidays, you would never agree to just some getting such a great treat and would not agree to a term time holiday in secondary school, only during school holidays. their dad has ignored all of this and booked a term time holiday for only two of them. You’ve asked him to at least move it to school holidays as they can’t miss school and school won’t get permission anyway.

If your dcs think you’re the bad guy, so be it. They might surprise you by thinking their dad is a twat if you really spell out what you agreed to and what he’s booked instead.

This is all the advice you need.

You say no and put it in writing as to why (text or whatsapp counts) and say that the only way you will agree is if a court orders you to.

Chances are, once he realises how much that will cost and the likelihood of failure, he wont bother pursuing it.

Both parents are fined, it isnt just one fine per child, so the OP would have to pay too and she has said that she can't afford to.

I wouldn’t have allowed it because he’s selected his two favourite children to take, how awful for the other three! What a piece of shit excuse of a dad. I mean, I take my DC on trips alone sometimes so we can have 1:1 time but I do this with all, I don’t just choose my favourite that week and pop to Paris with them.

He needs your permission anyway.

Why on earth did you hand passports over??

You'll both get fined.

The fines will be in your name not his and since there is now an escalation in action taken against parents taking children out of school it means any future fine for you would be at the higher rate.
there is a section in the new guidance which refers to your situation so if have a read.
you can also contact the school and state that you are not agreeing to the absence.
funerals don’t guarantee authorisation anyway so a bit odd he’s picked that to lie about.

Don’t give him the passports!

I'd refuse on these grounds alone. Unless he’s already planning an equal trip for the other three, cherry picking which children to take on holiday is unacceptable.

Fines are issued based on the information given by the school to the LA, I would put it in writing to school what he's suggesting and give them a copy of emails/texts where you have told him you do not give your permission and that you want them to stay in school, and that any fines are to be sent only to him.

My guess would be that he’s picked the two eldest to take for childcare. It’s really unfair on the others though.

Tell the school you have not given this your blessing- I think they’ll back you up.

Send him that link from a recent thread where the woman said she was taking her DC on holiday to see an ill relative and ended up with a criminal record

They will just end up being childcare for his other children. Just say no. They have school. Who cares what he says . Tell him to take you to court .

But will he actually take them? My exh had our 3 dc pack bags every year and that bastard never took them anywhere.. Not even a day out. Leave the costs and planning to him. Email the school and education department at the local council spelling out you absolutely do not give him consent..
And frankly enjoy the peace.. 2 teens abroad won't be cheap. You really will have the last laugh. Imo.

And he's going during school time because it's cheaper. Be the better parent- he doesn't care really does he. Xx

The man has at least seven kids?! (At least 2 with his current wife)

Insist he takes all five kids. No playing favourites. He can enjoy a peaceful holiday with seven kids and a massive fine at the end.

You need to seek legal advice and sort out a prohibited steps order. It’s quite straightforward if I remember rightly. There can be a flag put on their passports to prevent them leaving the country with him. Do your best to get the passports back in your possession, e.g. say you, your parents or the children are opening bank accounts for them or something.

Inform the school as well.

I would hope that at 14 & 15 your children are old/mature enough to understand why you need to say no.

I doubt a knob who sees his kids 5hrs per fortnight, wants to bother with young ones on holiday. He's an embarrassment.

Where are the renewed passports? If you have them, just refuse to hand them over.
I agree with PPs that you need to notify school and make it clear that you are not supporting this. Then you can email the council with proof that you should not be fined for your XDH's holiday.

Luckily they arrived at my address today