To not agree to this Holiday ?

[copingjustfine]

Can someone please advise me if I’m being unreasonable here ?

Me and dad not together, I have our 5 kids living with me full time, dad sees them 5 hours A fortnight for 5 hours through his choice, and refused over nights

But.. he still thinks he can have the upper hand on everything

He wants to take tow of the children to Portugal ( aged 15 and 14) for a week 5th July-12 th July 2026. When he initially asked for the old passports so he can renew them they got handed over and I warned him via email any holiday abroad need to be planned in the school holiday after the breakup end of July

Now he’s emailed me after passports have arrived that he’s taking them beginning July. I’ve said no as we will get fined and risk of prosecution for all those days off and he replies with ‘you’ve got a loud mouth and don’t think rationally’ he’s basically backing me into a corner to agree

He said he will ask permission from the headteacher and that he’s going to tell them he’s going for a funeral. ( which is a lie)

He’s making out that I’m unreasonable, but am I?

And I know people will say ‘just let him pay the fines’ but I know this man he will tell me to ignore the fines and he a ain’t paying them but i am not doing good financially I can’t have this on my head when I’m not even the one taking them for 5 days, if it was 1 or 2 days overlap on his weekend holiday it would be fine but 5 days !!

I know if the headteacher declines his permission he will still pressure me to hand the kids over to take them and Make me look bad to the kids. I’ve asked him when did he send the permission request and he’s ignored me

What would you do on this situation without becoming the bad guy to your kids ?

Why is he taking just the older 2. Is it so he can leave them with the younger children while he and his wife go out?

This is exactly what I thought, taking the eldest 2 so he and his missus can have a nice holiday while they look after their other children. No way I would agree to that

I agree with contacting the school.

I am sorry to read that your children have such a poor father.

Definitely this.
Inform the school and safe guarding.
Seek advice from social services.
He wants to do something that will cause you fgrief and stress.
He barely sees his children.
I wouldn't be handing over the passports.
I would also jnform thdm of his intention to tell a lie.

This isnt true. If parents are separated/divorced, then only the parent who went on the holiday pays the fine.
I have been in a sinilar situation twice, once it was me who took my daughter out (albeit for one day 🙄) and only I got fined, the other time it was her dad only he got fined

I don’t think he’ll get permission for a full week, the rules changed last year, even for funerals, not just up to the head, they can only authorise so many days.
you will both get the fine, if both of you are listed as parents.
Just don’t give him the letter of consent, yes I know they’ll be a hundred people saying that they’ve taken their children every year, and never been stopped, but you do need it.
Hell have to apply to the court.

Please do not hand over your children's passports.
Have a word with the head teacher yourself

If he's going to say it's for a funeral..it would need to be last minute..he won't be submitting a permission slip months in advance.
TBF..by July, exams are over..the remaining time thereafter isn't that taxing..I'm not saying they don't do any work..but it's not the same as the frenzy and angst before the exams.
I'd get some reassurances thst he's gonna pay your fine, if you get one .

Both parents have to agree to international travel. Otherwise, it’s kidnapping.

Just don’t plan any international holidays for the next four years and be a pain in the backside. Tell him he can only take the kids on designated school holidays within the U.K.

Get legal advice and put it in writing and shut his bullshit down entirely.

Fabulous- be clear to Ex he’s not getting the passports, you won’t give permission for the children to go in term time. How he manages getting his money back is his business.

Nahh no chance. All kids or no kids and not in school term time.apply to courts and get a prohibited steps order to stop him from taking them if you feel very strongly about it. I'd be worried he's not had them over night and now wants the responsibility of taking them abroad?! What the helly.

Great news! This makes everything easier. Just keep hold of the passports. (don't let on that they've arrived? find a safe place elsewhere for them? don't tell your DCs they've arrived? can their head of school hold them?)

Explain to your DCs that this holiday is bonkers. They are old enough to understand that you support school attendance and the concept of fines.

This is at least partly your fault ! Someone who only seen a child 10 hours a month should not have residency , you need to go to court and get yourself child arrangement order that states children love full time with you .
If he takes the kids without authority to do so then any judge will ill rule against him so use it

I’d be worried about this too. Depends how sensible the kids are.

As others have said, I’d also be worried they’ll get left babysitting of an evening, which could be risky in a strange place with half siblings they’ve never stayed with.

What school year are your kids OP? If either is Year 10, they may be missing important content.

It’s v unfair for him to invite them in term time at that age, as I’m guessing they may not have had any/many holidays abroad if you have five and are lone parent. And v unreasonable for him to put you in the position of having to say no. But hopefully you have a good enough relationship with them for them to understand. Suggest you explain it’s also not fair to the younger ones.

Yeah, on a need to know basis, nobody needs to know they arrived today

id be ringing up the passport office to find out where these passports have got to…?

Yes I know.

he should pay both fines

I have a similar rubbish dad but only sees when it suits so thinks can phone up after not ringing for a couple of weeks and expects to be able to see the kids when he wants that weekend. I wanted a contact order so me and the kids knew when contact was. The advise from nspcc and my solicitors was that a child arrangement order would suit him as it would compel me to make the children available at a set time but If he choose not to turn up nothing could be done. So I followed this advise and it's great coz now when he phones I just say yes or no depending on if we have plans what kids want. They also said a live with order isn't enforceable unless has power of arrest so I could get one but basically if he refused to return them I'd still have to go to court. He's never ever once started the process for contact... Threatens it on the regular....but he'd have to pay lol 🤣

What a knob. There is no way in hell I'd agree to this nonsense. You can't pick your favourite children to see!
Do not give him the passports.
Email the school and inform them that your ex wants to take the children out of school on such a date and that you do not consent to this.
Tell the kids that year 9 and 10 are important school years - they cannot miss lessons. It is important that brothers and sisters are treated fairly and equally. You are family. Selecting just certain members of your family is not nice and you will not allow this to happen.

Then keep contact civil but bare minimum.

Are you able to take them on holiday this year? If not I would let them go. I think a term time holiday is fine - I would not pay the fine.

This has been mentioned a few times. Is this really a thing?

How are people so shameless?

With respect, I think you're being naive. He hasn't had regular day to day contact and could be clueless about SAFETY. Deffo not safe for them to go ABROAD at this time. It's a NO from me. Keep your reasons low key, and hide the kids , if necessary, at a different address ,; to prevent kidnapping. Some parents like to wait until their kids get big and interesting before kidnapping attempts.

Taking them to babysit his second brood while he parties with the new wife?

I think it will be easier for OP to keep hold of the passports rather than hiding the kids.....

Not read the whole thread so don’t know if this has been said, but he can’t take them out of the country without your written permission. So put simply he can either take them according to your wishes or they don’t go at all.

Yep, that was the first thing that crossed my mind too.