To not agree to this Holiday ?

[copingjustfine]

Can someone please advise me if I’m being unreasonable here ?

Me and dad not together, I have our 5 kids living with me full time, dad sees them 5 hours A fortnight for 5 hours through his choice, and refused over nights

But.. he still thinks he can have the upper hand on everything

He wants to take tow of the children to Portugal ( aged 15 and 14) for a week 5th July-12 th July 2026. When he initially asked for the old passports so he can renew them they got handed over and I warned him via email any holiday abroad need to be planned in the school holiday after the breakup end of July

Now he’s emailed me after passports have arrived that he’s taking them beginning July. I’ve said no as we will get fined and risk of prosecution for all those days off and he replies with ‘you’ve got a loud mouth and don’t think rationally’ he’s basically backing me into a corner to agree

He said he will ask permission from the headteacher and that he’s going to tell them he’s going for a funeral. ( which is a lie)

He’s making out that I’m unreasonable, but am I?

And I know people will say ‘just let him pay the fines’ but I know this man he will tell me to ignore the fines and he a ain’t paying them but i am not doing good financially I can’t have this on my head when I’m not even the one taking them for 5 days, if it was 1 or 2 days overlap on his weekend holiday it would be fine but 5 days !!

I know if the headteacher declines his permission he will still pressure me to hand the kids over to take them and Make me look bad to the kids. I’ve asked him when did he send the permission request and he’s ignored me

What would you do on this situation without becoming the bad guy to your kids ?

Isnt that LEA dependent? I know someone who, in the last 2 years, got hit with a fine because her ex insisted on his "right" to take the kids to family (in the UK). She fought it and didnt have to pay but it was a right rigmarole.

I hope that it has changed that its only the parent who decided to take them that is fined.

Morally yes but lets face it, he isnt going to is he? He wants to take the conveniently babysitting aged teens on holiday with his other younger kids, leaving the younger ones behind. Is vile to OP when she objects and sees the kids for ten hours a month with no overnights.

This is not a man who will say "Oh I will pay your fine, its only fair as I took them away" is it?

The only way the OP can be sure she isnt on the hook too is to put her foot down hard.

Just had a quick google and it is still the case that every parent with PR is fined and then if one can prove that they objected and tried to prevent it, then the fine can be overturned. That is what my friend had to do.

So potentially, he will take them away and OP will have to pay £160 for the privilege!

I’m a solicitor and also have a useless ex ( although thankfully my kid is now adult so don’t need to deal with him ) . Although some of that advise is in practise true , it will still give me more decision powers for traveling with asking as an example . At least your ex doesn’t seem as much as an idiot as the OP one on this thread . Who take s 2 kids on holiday and leaves the others

The Portuguese authorities have never asked me for a letter from anyone, including my ex husband to give me permission to take my son there. We have been 3 times. It’s not strict at all.

Never been asked to do this anywhere in Europe. I got told this was needed for Brazil, so ex-H kindly obliged, got letter attested by a solicitor but they never asked for the letter when we arrived in Rio 😂

Yes of course you are unreasonable. If he wants go away and the kids are happy to do so, that’s ok. The life is not over with 5 days off school. I guess you know that! Also, the worst it will happen is that he will get a fine. You won’t get prosecuted!

We will both get fined, why should I pay a £160 fine for his privilege??? I can’t afford it and I know for sure he won’t pay it

and plus if you don’t pay the fines you can get prosecuted

If you are divorced only one parent pays, the one that takes them away. I assume he knows that there are fines and happy to pay, right?

5 days off school during GCSE time is the absolute worst time. He only wants to take away two of the kids, not all of them which is bloody awful and yes she absolutely WILL get fined and as she cant pay, will end up prosecuted if she loses the appeal.

So all in all......thats bollocks.

Thats really not true. Both parents get fined but the parent who didnt take them can appeal and MAY get the fine revoked, but there is no guarantee.

This isn’t true, both parents get fined. My DH gets a fine every year because his ex keeps taking the kids on holiday during term time, 2 different schools and 2 sets of fines every time and he tried to appeal it but they don’t care.

He’s taking the older two so they can babysit while he and his new dp get shitfaced.

In my part of the Uk, my 15 year old (year 10) has work experience that week in July - so check that!

Someone who wants free babysitters to look after his other kids so he can get pissed.

Oh good call, my yr 10 has the same, I had forgotten that.

Although funnily enough it ties in with the deadbeat theme.....the business is around the corner from her fathers house so she suggested staying with him for the week and he said no as ....er....well....er....work! When DD pointed out that I work and she manages just fine, no it just wouldnt work out for her to stay there so he is sure that I can rejig my job to drop her off and pick her up (no public transport). I messaged him saying that if she isnt staying at his then he can pay her ubers because I cant just change my entire job set up......crickets.

Arsehole.

They charge both parents regardless of who the child lives with

He is no dad just a waste of oxygen

So it sounds like your ex is just taking the two older kids so that they can babysit his/his new partner’s younger kids while he and the new woman get tanked up in the bar. In fact I’d put money on it.

Explain this to your children (see if they still want to go) and then refer your kids to social services. Go online to your council’s website and fill out the form saying you are their mum. They can help you protect your children from their dad and his damaging their education/using them as ‘the help.’

You really need to grow a backbone and get used to saying no to this arseh*le

Oh hello. The dad is here.

lol this is probably his wife or someone that knows them. I am the one who does all the hard parenting work whilst they sit back having a couple
of
hours and sit high and mighty in their thrown taking away my rights

Are you the dad ? Because you’re making a good case when in actual fact he is the unreasonable one. OP will be paying a hefty fine because he won’t comply - you seem to treat this lightly so l assume you could absorb this cost with no consequences. That’s nice for you, but many of us can’t. And it isn’t just a case of five days off school - these are older children at an important stage, so keeping them out of school when there is no need is irresponsible.

Nope. Both parents are fined.

Sadly I know what he will do, he will wait till closer to the time before he asks the school for permission, he will then in the meantime book the hotel and flights, even if the school decline his request he will still take them by brainwashing the kids saying ‘oh mums ruining the holiday, she won’t let you go, I’ve lost money’ and the kids will play hell with me and end up going, then I’ll have £160+ to pay in fines, money I don’t even have lol

o think what he does is cruel, he keeps me on edge over everything and degrades me constantly. He uses anything child related to keep me scared and on edge and this is why I come to the internet to ask for advice to see whether I am being dramatic or I am genuinely not as I am sometimes unsure of myself

Don't give him the passports. Is there someone else who can look after them for you?

That being said, it’s still the case that he can’t take them out of the UK without OP’s permission, so that’s the starting point. She should refuse to hand over the passports and apply to the courts for a prohibited steps order to prevent him applying for replacements without her knowledge.