I have a spending problem and I need some harsh truths

[helpmepleasepls]

I’m in my mid to late 20s and I just cannot save money to save my life.

I am very lucky to be able to save about £600 a month from my wages. After that and all my outgoings I should have anywhere between £350-£500 a month left.

I just cannot control myself. I don’t know why. I’ve just had my birthday and I’m determine for this year to be different but it seems to happen each month. I just have no idea what I spend it all on. I end up going into my savings and justifying it by saying “I’ll replace it next month”. Obviously I never do.

I’m going to go through my bank statement and identify things that can be canceled, I’ve gone through and cancelled loads of subscriptions and I am going to delete my card from Apple Pay on my computer and all the rest.

I know I need to change but I just don’t know how to. I don’t know what is wrong with me. Please, how do I stop this?

Can you believe it?I found a little white feather on my front door mat this morning! So I know that an angel has been visiting me!😊

I do and that’s part of the reason that I get so angry when I waste it

Sorry I cant preach at you...I just live hand to mouth each day ...and spending isnt fun if it stresses you.

But I still spend and seriously maybe I should tighten my belt a bit too!

If you got a ticket for £30 that would otherwise cost you £130 , then surely you SAVED £100.

So feel pleased with yourself unless youve been scammed!

Have you thought of trying NO SPENDING DAYS.

They help to push the money further.

You dont have to be the best of everything or have the best of everything.

Do a trial in YNAB budgeting app. After trial you do have to pay but it’s worth it.

if will change everything about finances and works very very well with my adhd brain.

https://www.ynab.com/blog/managing-money-with-adhd

https://www.ynab.com/blog/budgeting-with-adhd

using YNAB took me from anxiety & overspending every month, to organised finances, a great plan and £££ in the bank.

its s as fantastic tool

Have to disagree with this. Your 20s are the best and easiest time to build up your savings. You definitely don’t want to enter your 30s with no money saved for a house deposit, or a potential future with kids.

That's not failure. That's sensible and thinking ahead.

You need to think about want vs need. Before you make any purchase, decide whether it is something you NEED, or just something you want. If you start having to justify buying it then you dont need it.

In fact as you're going travelling then start decluttering. Sell stuff you don't need.

There was an article I read years ago about living a less materialistic lifestyle. They got people to make a list of items they need in their life (knife, fork, spoon, plate, 7 pairs of pants etc..). It's quite a fun activity. It makes you realise how much stuff you have that doesn't make you happy and you dont need. I think they ended up with a list of about 100 items!

I'm not materialistic. I value people and experiences over stuff.

Have you got parents? Could you give the 600 a month to one of them to put into an account?

Just wanted to update everyone:

it’s day 5 of low/no spend and to be honest it feels very freeing. I’m through the usual post-payday binge period and im actively saying no to spending money in my head. Yesterday I went down to Lidl and used some vouchers I had for free items, and considered looking at some bits for my holiday. But I told myself no and just walked right past. The list of things I have seen and “would like” is growing, but I’m resisting so far!

@helpmepleasepls Try not to beat yourself up. Others have mentioned ADHD, I suspect I’m ADHD (in my mid 40s now) and I have struggled with money. I got myself into £16k credit card debt in my 30s which I worked really hard to get out of but I set myself back so far financially by getting into debt and not saving, even a little, when I was young.

Which is all to say: you’re doing future you a huge favour by doing the hard work on this now. Time is on your side!

I know you said you didn’t want to spend money to save money (YNAB subscription) which is totally fine but I’d suggest checking out some of their videos anyway because their principles of money management still apply even if you’re not using the app. @PartyQuestion30th has hit the nail on the head when they say to allocate out all your money. Make sure it’s all got a clear job so that you know when you take from one pot that you’re not going to be able to pay for those flights next month because you’re spending it now on clothes (for eg).

You’ve got this!

What about if you give yourself a budget, but use cash. I definitely feel it more handing over cash, than swiping my card and budget better. I was terrible with money in my early 20s and got into debt, so you are lucky you are not overspending. Now I’m mid 40s and am careful with money. A lot of my issues, were spending money on things because I thought it would make me be a better person - whether that’s beauty products making nonsense claims, or having new clothes because it made me feel better about myself.
If you like reading, The Year of Less by Cait Flanders really opened my eyes.
You can change your habits but I really wouldn’t go cold Turkey to start with as I think it might be too restrictive and have the opposite effect. Also, write down everything you spend.

Well done on making the first few steps!

Some times we have to spend today to save tomorrow.
For example, I went into a shop the other day and they had a 20% sale on school uniforms. I know come September my daughter will need 2 new cardigans in the next size up, some polo shirts and t shirts. So I bought them. They have now gone into a cupboard for September. Your train tickets fall into this camp.

Other spending you have to ask yourself if you really need it. I'm going to a wedding soon and there is a dress in a shop window that I think would look lovely and it's a charity shop so not a huge expense and it's supporting a local charity. I need an outfit to wear to the wedding but I also have plenty of dresses in my wardrobe. I went through the clothes I do have picked out a plain navy dress but gave it an "uplift" with an underskirt I already had switched it's matching belt for a cream leather belt I wear with my jeans. I have some cream shoes already. I decided to finish off the outfit some brightly coloured tight so I bought some baby blue tights. I had an outfit I had never worn before so felt "new" but only cost me the £5.99 for the tights.

For me this can be the advantage of not having a minimalist wardrobe as it can reduce future spending! My sisters and I are all the same size so that helps too actually as the dress and underskirt were donated to me from one of my sister's as it was a bridesmaid dress she had for a wedding but wasn't really her style but it is very much my style.

Maybe when you get those "holiday spend" urges you could give yourself an afternoon sorting through the holiday things you already own. You could give yourself that shopping experience by trying them on and taking photos of the different outfits

Why don’t you start another project to distract you from spending? A new hobby, sport, qualification or work project?

Great start! Now look at the Rebel Finance School for continued motivation and to see how to grow your savings!!

Great start!

Now how about a small "shop your wardrobe" challenge for your holiday items. I bet you have everything you need/want already, and while you are looking through clothes you might find a few items to put on Vinted to find a new home for and/or clothes you rediscover for yourself

I don’t - weight loss means I’ve sold them all!

But I’m determined to make as much as possible. It really forces you to be mindful about what you consume.

It’s a week in and I’ve only spend £7. Unheard of for me!

then your challenge could be to sell old clothes to raise £ to buy new clothes! That can be your clothing budget. Get to work!

and congrats on your weight loss - sounds like you've got lots going on.

Thank you. Yes, I do, but I enjoy being busy and a little overwhelmed 😂

Youve inspired me to try to rope in my spending also and so far its ok. Im wondering if I can manage 3 months ( before the washing machine breaks down!) Or I will be back at square one because I'll need a replacement!.
Only spending £7 in this last week just shows how determined you are!
Well Done !!!😀

Thank you!

I wouldn’t even classify it as unnecessary spending - £4 on some glitter for a cake I’m making this weekend for family and £3 on a coffee and ibuprofen this morning because I came on my period 🤣 compared to my usual post payday binge I’m so proud of myself!

the great thing that changed in my life by using a budgeting ap (I use YNAB) is you start saving for future washing machines in real time. So my washing maching broke down recently I I was able to replace it - I already had funds saved in my "replace appliances" catagory - whick I grew to £400 over several years little by little. I'll build it up again now.

Once you are a year into budgeting everything changes. I've been using YNAB for about 5 years now & its lifechanging.

Instead of thinking "in next 2 months I need to get the car service/mot/tax and argh its July so I've got a holiday the next month, juggle juggle. I'll put holiday on C/C" (old life) my new budgeting life is I get a text from the garage my MOT/service is due, and I book the car in and take it knowing I already have the funds set aside in my budget for it. I can also book my holiday flights because I've budgeted for those too. The cash is waiting for me - allocated to a job (car service/flights) so as far as my budget is concerned its already spent.

Another change is pre budget I would have looked for the cheapest MOT/Service - it did my head in, another job I had to do because I was juggling ££. Now I book it into my preferred garage, they are super lovely, I can walk there, they cost a bit more possibly but I have budgted for it so it takes all that head stress away.

On holiday even if I had ££ saved for spends I would always stress out about ££ - never really relaxed about it. Now I say to my kids (they are teens) our bugeted spends are £XX, thats £XX a day, and we all relax. Its that head shift thing that has changed my life. I only wish I started it in my 20's insted of 50's.

spending intentionally is a great buzz!

It’s really nice to feel in control. I know that the money in my current account is fine, and I have my £100 that I’m being careful with