I have a spending problem and I need some harsh truths

[helpmepleasepls]

I’m in my mid to late 20s and I just cannot save money to save my life.

I am very lucky to be able to save about £600 a month from my wages. After that and all my outgoings I should have anywhere between £350-£500 a month left.

I just cannot control myself. I don’t know why. I’ve just had my birthday and I’m determine for this year to be different but it seems to happen each month. I just have no idea what I spend it all on. I end up going into my savings and justifying it by saying “I’ll replace it next month”. Obviously I never do.

I’m going to go through my bank statement and identify things that can be canceled, I’ve gone through and cancelled loads of subscriptions and I am going to delete my card from Apple Pay on my computer and all the rest.

I know I need to change but I just don’t know how to. I don’t know what is wrong with me. Please, how do I stop this?

One way to ensure you don't get tempted is to set up a standing order in to an ISA of your choice. Have you done a review with a financial advisor and found the best options for you. They should do it free of cost for new savers like yourself.

1. Why aren't they getting their state pension?

2. What's happened to their savings they scrimped for?

Yes, I should have.

But I empty my savings each month to spend mindlessly. I know. It’s awful. I feel genuinely sickened by myself and absolutely disgusted. But all I can do is move forward and stop doing this.

OP is the spending an emotional outlet? ADHD is another reason for impulse spending (of course there’s masses more to it than that)

It’s definitely connected to low self esteem

I used to have terrible spending habits in my 20s, I had no savings and would have parcels delivered pretty much daily, but I managed to turn it around and now I'm much more of a saver.

Some things that helped were unsubscribing from emails from anywhere that might be tempting (I know I'd get emails saying things like 50% off at whatever clothes shop, so I'd start browsing and convince myself I needed something that I didn't know existed 10 minutes before).

Delete any apps that might tempt you like Uber eats, Amazon etc.

I downloaded a free app (I think it's called checkbook) but it allows you to input all your incomings and outgoings and name each one so you can look through the transactions and see where your money is going.

Allow yourself spending money and don't feel guilty about using it however you want, but when it's gone it's gone until next payday.

Open an ISA (one that isn't instant access) so that you can't dip into it unnecessarily.

I also started doing project pan so instead of buying new make up and toiletries all the time, I'd use up what I had and only replace things when I really needed to.

Have saving goals, the incentive to save towards something specific can really help.

It's not easy, especially to begin with but you can do it 🙂

Have you tried a de-motivator?
https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/shopping/demotivator/

It’s not shameful!! Try hard to keep
out of debt, buy quality and not quantity. You’re still young and the fact you’re concerned about it is half the problem solved. Takes 6 weeks to break a habit they say!!

I didn’t want to read and run but it’s super late. You’ve received some really good advice already. I feel for you having so much shame though. It resonates just how I was in my 20s and 30s. I’m an ADHD coach, feel free to drop me a message as I’ve worked with a lot of people who struggle with similar. I’d be very happy to give you some context, suggest some reading. Hopefully you can drop some of the shame so you can start tackling your finances with a bit more clarity

Yes this is exactly what I do. The different pots are monitored and once each pot is spent, that's it until next pay day.

You're also right about being able to play around with the pots.if I'm spending less of my allowance in one pot, I transfer some of it to another pot.

OP this really is a good method and it's nice keeping in top of your spending and saving knowing you're managing to a budget. I like the Monzo accounts as well where your purchases are rounded up and money put into a separate account. It soon adds up.

Think about all the treats you can have on your holiday. Combine that with the nice feeling of seeing the weight drop off and think about not buying anymore clothes until you're at your target weight.best of luck

Well done!

I partied through my 20s and 30s, dug myself into a debt hole and dug myself out again, have never earned enough to repay a student loan to the point it was written off, live by the sea mortgage free and still seem to amassed enough in my private pension to give me more money than i know how to spend when I retire.
No inheritances o'r lottery wins.
It's a headscratcher.

Actually, it was going into debt that probably forced me into better spending habits. I remember having 10 quid a week left to feed myself after debt repayments. I ate a lot of chickpeas.
I knew every single penny that was going in and out of my account and that has stuck to this day.

I’ve been paid and I’m so determined to do this. I just can’t keep spending like I have been.

I do think my mindset has changed though as usually on payday I’d be doing some mental maths to work out what treat I could buy myself, not taking lunch so that I can run to the shops and get a meal deal to treat myself etc., straight on Sephora and Amazon. But I’ve deleted all those apps and this time I just don’t want to do that.

I’m also going to do a star chart. It sounds so simple but I think it’ll be the type of thing that motivates me. I’ll get a free printable calendar from excel or something and track it on there

I agree. I certainly don't approve of overspending and running up debts. But you are a young person and are already saving £600 a month. Unless you are trying to clear a debt I think your spending is quite modest.

No my issue is I was taking the money out of my savings and spending it.

I am so determined to change though, I’m literally going to make a star chart to track it and I’m already making changes - this morning as I was on TikTok I saw a dress I’d love (but I’m going to make it rather than buying it)

usually I’d go straight to buying the pattern and fabric but I’ve saved the fabric and I’m going to delay by a week or two.

Join your local library. That's something free and interesting to do with your weekend

That's a start. Give yourself a certain amount of spending money per month or even per day. I dont mean for things like coffees. So work on say £300 a month. So £10 •a day or £450 a month so £15 a day. For purchases. If you spend it all on the first day then you have to wait until next month to buy anything else.

I think this is a good idea. Might be useful for you to visualise.

When we are saving for something specific like a holiday or something I usually do up a little pie chart on excel and update it every week. So for your holiday for example if you need £2000 total... and you saved £600 this month you'll visually see that you are 30% there already. Next month that'd jump to 60% etc. If you took money out and spent it then the % would reduce and when you can visually see that I find it helps.

Some observations.

You're talking about your behaviour very negatively. You don’t need to beat yourself up over this. It’s ok. You haven’t killed someone. You just need to make a few changes.

It sounds like you have an issue controlling your impulses. Ie you want something and you are on autopilot to have it. Then you feel guilty about it. Thats a real self destructive rollercoaster you’re on. Sounds like it’s not fun at all. You really need to examine why this is happening and catch yourself BEFORE you spend the money. But this is only really going to happen if you’re willing to do the work and it will be hard.

On a practical note- set up an automatic transfer on pay day to a savings account that you don’t have immediate access to. So no app on your phone and cut up any card that comes with it. Set it up so that you’d literally have to go into the bank with your passport to get the money. So guess what that wouldn’t happen- you’d manage to catch yourself before that happened, unless you genuinely needed it.

If you think you have ADHD then money problems are common but can be overcome. Good luck!

Look at the Rebel Finance School on FB. That provides the motivation for saving!

Somewhere along the line you need to press the reset button.

To have money for your holiday you just need to buy currency.

Just avoid all spending to amass what you need to survive.

Yes, that’s what I’ve done today. Just a complete reset of my mindset

I think my behaviour IS negative though. It’s greed, overconsumption and generally just a little disgusting.