I have a spending problem and I need some harsh truths

[helpmepleasepls]

I’m in my mid to late 20s and I just cannot save money to save my life.

I am very lucky to be able to save about £600 a month from my wages. After that and all my outgoings I should have anywhere between £350-£500 a month left.

I just cannot control myself. I don’t know why. I’ve just had my birthday and I’m determine for this year to be different but it seems to happen each month. I just have no idea what I spend it all on. I end up going into my savings and justifying it by saying “I’ll replace it next month”. Obviously I never do.

I’m going to go through my bank statement and identify things that can be canceled, I’ve gone through and cancelled loads of subscriptions and I am going to delete my card from Apple Pay on my computer and all the rest.

I know I need to change but I just don’t know how to. I don’t know what is wrong with me. Please, how do I stop this?

By the way, Ive heard other people say a little white feather just floated down and it had great meaning, so you are not alone in believing it could be a sign from your beloved grandmother that you are getting on back on track and she sends her love!

For goodness sake spending a bit too much and not saving is hardly some massive sin.

Snap yourself out of this negativity. Make a simple plan and stick to it.

I think it’s pretty bad.

Yes I really felt like it was a sign.

I’ve definitely changed my ways. Normally on payday I will be shopping straight away. I’d always find a way to “have a treat”. Today I’ve seen a dress I really want to make. Normally I would have just gone straight to buying the fabric and pattern. I’ve saved the fabric and if I still want to make it after I’ve got through all the other things I want to make, then I will

Okay so the Santander account was a good idea that is for your holiday only no other money goes into it and you only use it for that purpose.

You need a zero based budget which means every penny needs a job no leftover amounts or spare money as that just encourages you to spend that money. Allocate it for something, give it a name, put it somewhere else.

Track everything you spend however small and keep a list of things you want to buy for your holiday or do on your holiday and when you are tempted to spend ask yourself if you would rather have that meal deal or a cocktail on the balcony etc.

Good luck

The issue isn’t the spending and not saving. The issue is OP feels out of control of her spending and saving. If someone feels fine about drinking wine every weekend that’s not an issue… if they don’t want to drink wine but can’t stop themselves then it’s an issue. The same goes for spending….

Exactly. Everyone saying “oh it’s fine you’re young, you cover your essentials” aren’t helping. It doesn’t feel fine at the end of the month and I have £40 left in my account. It doesn’t feel fine when I have to take emergency credit to cover a dental emergency. It doesn’t feel fine when I have to say no to events etc at the end of the month because I have no money left.

Don't go into shops. When I was really broke, around the same age as you, I just didn't go into shops, then you don't see the things that might tempt you. It's actually really liberating and frees you up for things like reading books, a walk around the park with friends, eating delicious leftovers from last night's dinner etc. I suppose these days the equivalent is stop looking at stuff on social media that tempts you to buy things. You've become a slave to consumerism. Take control and be in charge of your hard-earned money.

I don’t know whether this counts as a failure or not.

I was researching the train ticket I need in the summer and there was a sale on taking the ticket from £135 to £30. I’ve bought it out of my discretionary spending budget with the logic that I’ll be selling some books etc., this weekend to put the money into my savings as well.

But now I just feel that weight of failure again.

😂

But.... The dental emergency or whatever is what the £600 savings per month is for, surely??

I actually don’t know how many more times I need to humiliate myself by explaining that despite me putting that aside at the start of the month, I am so out of control with my spending that I take it out by mid month and waste it.

Oh.

Sorry. Didn't see to. My mistake.

Have you tried just taking cash out?

Like go to the bank and withdraw a set amount of money each week/fortnight/month and only use that?
Cut up your cards /cancel them and stuff?

In fairness, the OP has literally said it about 10 times 🙄

Ok.

I didn't see it.

My mistake....

OP, I would definitely say this is ADHD. It echoes exactly what I’ve been like previously.
Do you have a trusted family member you could send the money to so they can keep it safe for you? Then you can still have access to it for your holiday when needed, but might be less likely to ask for it to fritter away on things you don’t need. I know it might be tough to approach with them, but it’s one method of controlling your spending until you find a way to do this on your own that works for you.

The confusion arose because you mentioned you saved £600 a month so PP thought that money was secure. But you are not saving anything. You’re putting money in an account and spending the same month. In no world is this saving.
The other issue is that you are catastrophising and beating yourself up over your lack of willpower and looking for complex solutions when you just need to delete the cards and apps from your phone and get off your phone. The only person who can stop yourself spending is you. But you are not out of control and you absolutely can stop it. Otherwise, you’d be spending money you don’t have, you’d be frittering your rent money and you’d be in debt.
Obviously, building some additional self-discipline and healthy habits to replace the spending is necessary. Swap the dopamine hit from spending with the dopamine hit from exercising. Get out in nature and off your phone.
I think the self-loathing isn’t helping here, it’s giving you an excuse in a perverse sort of way and is part of the cycle. I think you should approach this with a mindset that you are perfectly capable of stopping. You already stop when you run out of discretionary spending money. You also need to speak to your parents about this. Sharing this problem in real life is essential. They almost certainly already know about it. Just be honest and ask for their help. You don’t need to give all the details. Just say you are overspending each month and want to start saving for the trip. Can they help you stay on track and hold yourself accountable? Unless they are bad parents they are going to want the best for you. Good luck. You absolutely can do this.

Op the only thing that works for me is momzo saving pots and spitting all my money so every month every penny is allocated.
That includes money for fun things and I now enjoy watching the pots build every month and every Christmas I enjoy spending the money becsuee I know that is what's it's there for !
Spending because all my essentials are covered.
I save for car insurance , birthday , gardening , special meals out, dentist , and investments .

Can you open somerhng like that but also a stocks and shares ISA and a sipp self invested personal pension and just put small amounts in to start.

What I will say though is well done for recognising this and the money can really make your life comfortable if you can harness it now..you need about 6 months accumulation to build up your pots by then you will have a nice sum to spend if you want but ...your other pots will be growing a d your Investments so you will get your money hit

I think you are in an excellent position right now as you’ve acknowledged the issue and done a lot of the hard work. What helped me was a sudden rather drastic change in circumstances when my DH lost his job and didn’t work for a year and w3 weren’t sure he was ever going to work again as he was very ill. We didn’t talk about it as a couple as he’d had a nervous breakdown and wasn’t rational. But I cut out all discretionary spending, nice skincare wasn’t an option, so it was Nivea in the blue tub, basic shampoo and conditioner, mend or reuse rather than buy etc etc.

what I learned was I didn’t need hardly any of the stuff I’d been buying and using. It was incredibly freeing.

we weren’t on the breadline, as I earn a good salary and he’d had a good payout. and, thank god he got better and got another job

This is incredible 🙌

@helpmepleaseplshow are you feeling today?

Do you sometimes get complete overwhelmed? If you do have ADHD then it is likely you will struggle to keep to the new plan so research how to manage change when you have ADHD.

Do you have a friend you can “body double” with, to start listing your stuff on vinted or someone else you can be accountable to?

classic ADHD is that you make all the plans, start of great and then it falls off a cliff.

I feel good today. Avoided the usual payday “binge” of spending where I’d do some mental maths and then use it as justification for going and spending £200 on shit.

I’ve sent off some returns of things I bought last week, which feels like a big step. I’d usually keep them for the sake of keeping them as opposed to admitting I’d wasted money and sending them back.

I still feel a little guilty about the train ticket but I had a chat with my mum last night and like she said, it genuinely makes more sense to buy something like that on sale for £30 than getting it full price for £130, because it is something I genuinely need.

I’m going to have a big old clear out this weekend and see if I can’t get some books traded in for some extra £££. My savings will go out on Tuesday because of the bank holiday (I should’ve been paid on Monday but it was moved earlier), and I think that’s when it’ll start to feel really good.

Do you realise how lucky you are to have a wage that allows you to set aside £600?

Plenty of families would be delighted to put away that amount of money!

( I know its technically fluid-spends to you!)