I have a spending problem and I need some harsh truths

[helpmepleasepls]

I’m in my mid to late 20s and I just cannot save money to save my life.

I am very lucky to be able to save about £600 a month from my wages. After that and all my outgoings I should have anywhere between £350-£500 a month left.

I just cannot control myself. I don’t know why. I’ve just had my birthday and I’m determine for this year to be different but it seems to happen each month. I just have no idea what I spend it all on. I end up going into my savings and justifying it by saying “I’ll replace it next month”. Obviously I never do.

I’m going to go through my bank statement and identify things that can be canceled, I’ve gone through and cancelled loads of subscriptions and I am going to delete my card from Apple Pay on my computer and all the rest.

I know I need to change but I just don’t know how to. I don’t know what is wrong with me. Please, how do I stop this?

My dd hadn’t got the income to purchase a house, but she saved in the relevant schemes anyway. Met her boyfriend and he was in the same position as her. They’d both saved since 18
This meant with a combined income and both savings pits they could put down a deposit and get a mortgage. Average house price is £370k in the town we live.

They didn’t have to wait and save up, they already had a very healthy deposit. They are both your age

I’m not angry. Far from it.

It is, I waste money.

This is my entire point. I want to travel. I have trips booked that I’m so looking forward to. But I literally cannot help myself but dip into the savings for those trips. I literally just spend spend spend and it sickens me.

Hi OP. Not read the whole thread, so apologies if someone has already suggested this, but I would recommend reading / listening to “Not Needing New” or following her on instagram.
I am a bit older than you (early 40s) but also really bad with money and have ADHD.
Have been listening to the audio book above and it’s really helping me to think differently about what I DO need & how to stop the feeling of just wanting that fix (by buying something that I actually don’t need at all).
I do empathise with you as it’s something I really struggle with, along with the feelings of guilt or shame afterwards that I’ve wasted the money and I have so much stuff.

I feel so guilty now just looking at it all.

I’m going to return most of the stuff that arrived yesterday, I bought it in one of my “I can just spend spend spend” moods. Then that money will go straight into the emergency fund.

I really do want to change. I have no doubts that June will be hard. Probably July too. But I am determined to do this.

You can do it. You just need to change your mindset, which I know isn’t easy.
Definitely return what you can now and don’t then think you have “gained” money because you’ve got some coming back in.

I shop a lot on Vinted but I only allow myself to spend from my Vinted account, therefore I have to sell stuff first. Even better, have a big clear out and then transfer the money from Vinted straight to your savings pot. Can you do some listing over the bank holiday weekend as likely to be lots of people online buying (especially summer clothes as it’s going to be hot finally!)

You have to be strict with yourself and when you’re looking at buying something ask yourself truly is this going to make my life better if I buy it? Or do you just want it because you’ve been influenced online, or it’s on trend, or it’s a supposed miracle cream that will change your life?
Each time you go to buy something, think of what happiness / improvement to your life it will bring you? 90% of the time it will be an item that will make no discernible difference!

Example: a new pair of shoes you’ve seen / are on trend / the next must have, and are £50.
Will your life be happier because you own them?
Will you have a better day at work with those shoes on your feet ?
Will they improve your life somehow?

If yes (maybe they are waterproof shoes and last week your feet got soaked in all the rain, and you felt cold all day at work, so actually you really could do with a pair of shoes like this) then that’s fair enough.
But the likely answer is No!

Then think about how that same £50 could REALLY contribute to your happiness, or make an amazing life experience.
for example: when travelling that £50 could pay for an experience that you’ll never get to again. It could buy you an entry fee into an amazing tourist attraction, or pay for transport to somewhere you’ve always wanted to visit.

I wouldn't get rid of stuff straight away. Box it up and put it to one side.
The risk is you donate everything surplus for your minimalist lifestyle and then find you've lost things you did need and find yourself having to go and buy more things.

I posted previously about separating out things by want/need /use later and treat that as your own free shop.

When you go through your budget make sure that you have factored everything in and make things specific for example as part of your holiday traveling money have you included the costs of getting too and from the airports not just the flights? Your holiday fund details everything. I need X for this activity and Y to visit there and so on. Tick them off as you meet the milestones so there is a clearer link between what you are denying your future self by your current selfs spending

It might be worth looking at some therapeutic support too you are very hard on yourself. Calling yourself disgusting for going into a shop on your birthday. Ok you spent more than you'd like but it doesn't make you an awful person

Also, look into the buy once philosophy. Saving and buying better quality items that will last is more cost effective than buying cheaply.

Yes I think I’m going to lay it out like this. £697 for accommodation, £x for spending, £x for transport etc.

One tactic that helped me with unecessary spending was:-

• calculate how much per hour you earn in your job

• then when tempted by a non-essential purchase you can easily see its cost vs the value of your time. So ask youself if it's worth grafting away at work for x number of hours in order to buy it

• the answer to that question is usually “Hell No”

I agree you can be sensible and have fun. I do think the OP needs to stop spending frivolously and start saving towards her holiday as she will regret it if she doesn’t, but she also knows this. However, what I am trying to say is your twenties should be for relaxing and having fun, your 30s/40s are when you get bogged down with stuff like savings/investments particularly after you have kids so I am just telling her to give herself a break. As I said above, she is aware her spending is out of control and she needs to change and she is still only in her twenties, so that is a start.

I would hope the OP wasn’t ignorant enough to blame boomers for ruining it for everyone!!

I’m well aware that people are probably about to say I’m nuts.

But ever since I lost my nan, whenever I’ve made big decisions in my life (career wise, health wise, etc), I’ve seen a white feather in the hours after.

I’m on my lunchtime walk, finalising the details of my budget on ChatGPT and how I’m going to make it sustainable long term. As I’m doing that a white feather floats down and lands on my phone screen, and I get the notification from nationwide that I’m going to be getting a fairer share payment this month.

I’m well aware that to some people I’ll sound mad. But to me it feels like a sign that I’m on a good path.

Well look at it this way. There are three steps to success and you have already found the first.

1. find out what’s wrong.
2. decide what you must do about it.
3. Do it.

It sounds like you've made a good start, but be really firm with yourself about NO new subscriptions. Also when you go out, take cash, not a card, it makes you think twice about off the cuff purchases at the till when you are counting out cold hard cash!

Find ways for the money not to be in your bank account.

My favourite was maxing out on my employer's share purchase and share save schemes. £350 a month was taken from my pay before it got to the bank. The employer added another £50 to my share purchase scheme every month for nearly 15 years. That was £18k put into shares that double in price. The share save was great too. If in the years I was doing it the share price went up I got extra money. If the share price went down I got all my money back.

And I didn't pay tax on the £350 a month. Because there are rules around the tax on these schemes it meant I wasn't able to touch the cash for a very long time. Basically forced saving.

I second this. Rebel Finance School is an excellent free financial education course. It starts on 1st June at 8PM on YouTube, or you can watch the sessions afterwards. I’ve put the link with more info below. Good luck!
rebeldonegans.com/finance/rfs/

You have lots of good advice on this thread, OP, and you have my sympathies, I have a spending problem too and I am 53. I am lucky because I have a DH who handles all our money who just loves reading up on interest rates and researching accounts so we balance each other out very well. The one thing that has made a big difference to me is getting a week by week visual look at my spending. I bought a paper diary and write down every single penny I spend, no matter how small. Any transaction that was a want and not a need, I put an asterix next to. If I flick through the diary and see the asterixes mounting up, that sick feeling sinks in a lot faster and gives me a lot more will power when it comes to saying no to myself. It's a simple thing but it works wonders for me. The trick was triggering the sick feeling more often than once a month!

I also find that every time I want to make an impulse purchase on clothing or jewellery, I go upstairs and go through every single thing I own - after three decades of spending a full time wage, I pretty much have every item of clothing I need or want and the jewellery I already have doesn't get worn enough. The urge to buy the shiny new thing normally fades. I don't go into shops when I am out, either, to cut down on impulse buying. I get my window shopping kicks from reading about fashion and beauty online and following blogs. That way, when I do make a purchase, it is after careful consideration. One thing I do have in my favour is that while I love acquiring shiny new stuff, I HATE physically shopping for any of it, so it is no hardship to stay out of shops.

So don't feel disgusted with yourself - enjoy what you already have without guilt. You now have different priorities for your money and need to make a few mental changes to divert the flow of cash in another direction, that is all. You are not a bad person.

I’m definitely on the cusp of step three now

Depending on where you splurge the most different things will work, but I am currently implementing a rule: I do not spend money from my phone.
It is helping me curb some of those impulsive click-thru deals and quick Amazon splurges.
If I want to buy something online, I make myself go and get my laptop and usually just that few seconds break is enough to give me pause.
Same with take away food - I make myself put my phone down and go and get my laptop. Usually I realise that I actually can't justify £35+ on a curry when I have a fridge of food.

Good luck OP! It's tough out there, but if you try to tackle just one or two aspects at a time, you'll overcome it! Xx

Always search for a discount code. Need a new dress - look in charity shops. Set up a direct debit to a savings account. Go through your things and sell anything not used in the last 6 months on Vinted or local pages. Put that money into your savings.

I’ve realised deleting social media or staying off it mostly would help stop me overspending. Do you tend to buy stuff you’ve seen ads for?

There's a middle ground, it's not an either or. Op wouldn't be scrimping putting the £100 she's spent in Boots on stuff she doesn't need.

I've not got any advice sorry but I just came here to say I'm the exact same. I buy stuff constantly I don't need. I have young children and I'm terrible with giving them money too. I constantly book holidays, I'm always buying stuff for the house that a week later I don't like and the amount I spend on food is terrible! I just cannot for the life of me budget. My DH is good with money, he pays all the bills etc but he also likes to spend. We love nothing more than a stroll around the town centre on a random weekend with the kids just buying what we like. I've actually just got back from morrisons where I've spent £145 on a food shop that'll probably last till Sunday... If I'm having a down day I'll nip into b&m and just buy cleaning stuff I don't need. I know I need help but I do enjoy it.

I got the most perfect email this evening too. We buy books are doing 20% extra for the bank holiday weekend. So I’m going to do a huge declutter

I thought you said you saved £600 and then have £350-500 a month after that? Sorry if I haven't understood.