I have a spending problem and I need some harsh truths

[helpmepleasepls]

I’m in my mid to late 20s and I just cannot save money to save my life.

I am very lucky to be able to save about £600 a month from my wages. After that and all my outgoings I should have anywhere between £350-£500 a month left.

I just cannot control myself. I don’t know why. I’ve just had my birthday and I’m determine for this year to be different but it seems to happen each month. I just have no idea what I spend it all on. I end up going into my savings and justifying it by saying “I’ll replace it next month”. Obviously I never do.

I’m going to go through my bank statement and identify things that can be canceled, I’ve gone through and cancelled loads of subscriptions and I am going to delete my card from Apple Pay on my computer and all the rest.

I know I need to change but I just don’t know how to. I don’t know what is wrong with me. Please, how do I stop this?

I haven't read much of any comments as I have a feeling you'll get judgement and advice that isn't really relevant to you and wont help you. I had the same problem and going onto antidepressants has helped a lot. It was actually linked to my mental health. You're probably burnt out and spending to feel better even if it doesn't feel like it buying anything gives you dopamine.
Find free things to do or things that you already have/plan your week

I don't think £80 discretionary spending a month is a lot / enough? Would that include all socialising, beauty, clothes, dinner/ lunch out? Seems tight if you can afford more. Or set yourself a number of very low spend months but have an end goal in mind so you know it's not forever.

What is the £80 based on other than you think it sounds reasonable for what you want to do? Expenses come in across the year, are you planning and budgeting for them and is the £80 affordable in that context. Christmas, birthday presents and celebration meals out, MOT, insurances, haircuts, house maintenance, clothes, replacing white goods, holidays, gym, charity donations, look back at your spending over the last year and decide what you want to prioritise. Then take the annual total for each and divide by 12, setting that amount aside each month so you get a true picture of what you can afford for fun money.

Also think carefully what that £80 is supposed to cover, are toiletries like make up remover and face wash included or do they come out of your supermarket grocery budget, do you have certain products in mind as luxury extras that will come out of the £80? If you forget your packed lunch one day will you pay for a meal deal out of the £80 or your grocery budget? It doesn't matter which one, so long as you have accounted for it so you have the right amount in each pot.

Allow a realistic budget. There's no point allocating £80pm if you are going to blow it and feel guilty. I have £50pw with similar budgets to you and I save it up for big ticket items guilt free. I'm currently saving for a Burberry trench coat as a gift to myself for my 40th next year.

I think I may have ADHD, but there’s no point in seeking a diagnosis now

Approach this with kindness’s and self compassion and you stand a better chance of pinpointing the sources, the triggers and the behaviours.

You can’t solve spending problems with deprivation and severe budgets. It’s inevitable that you will splurge - that’s just human nature. If you’ve set yourself up for shame and self loathing you’re only trapping yourself in a vicious cycle.

Off the top of my head, I’d suggest that you set up a direct debit to save, the day you get paid into a 30 day notice account. Make it hard to dip into your savings and easy to save them. If you’ve set yourself have to take steps to get at the money, you will give yourself a better chance.

Do you have a pension? If not, get that going. Pay the max contribution, preferably through work. You will never regret doing this.

Then pay attention to the when and why of your spending. Sometimes it’s a routine - passing the coffee shop; sometimes it’s social - going for lunch with workmates. Sometimes it’s boredom, or anxiety or feeling bad. Try hold some curiosity about this - don’t rush to judgement. The better you understand yourself, and the more compassion you bring to the question, the easier it will be to find alternative solutions.

I’ve learned the value of leaving my phone charging down stairs because my worst time is middle of the night scrolling. But I don’t even have the will power to leave my phone downstairs so I had to take the charging lead out of the bedroom!! Now I either pop the phone downstairs or, more likely, it runs out of charge, but either way I’ve reduced the likelihood of a midnight spending spree and I get more sleep!

Can you put your savings into a credit union account? You can’t just automatically transfer from them, it takes a few days usually. I am the same with money and I am currently trying to sort it just now. I would say that if I had done this when I was your age (I’m 33) then I would be in a much better position than I am now, I regret not sorting myself out sooner.

Literally everything you buy, if it's not consumable, will end up in landfill.

That's quite a sobering thought.

I've always preferred saving over spending. I like watching the compound interest stack up. I was able to give up work early and time is so much more valuable to me than stuff.

Agree about Monzo. If you get the perks account, you can create virtual debit cards for each pot, so you spend from the right place. I have ADHD and used to be terrible with money, and this has really helped me manage it within budget.

You said you save £600pm, after savings and bills you are left with £350-£500pm so this is purely "spending money"? What's wrong with spending this money? Or is it that you're spending it all at the start of the month? Split it into weekly spends but do not feel bad for spending your own money after saving and paying bills, you only get one life so enjoy it

I find the pots dont deter me. I’m hoping that by going quite hard and finishing next month with ~£600 in my savings and a “buffer” of about £200 in my account should be enough to spur me on

I don’t want to spend it all, and I end up taking out of my savings too

Will.power !!! And keep reminding yourself it's for the greater god ,!
I have cured myself of having a clothes shopping addiction !
I still look and add to basket then I close the website I haven't bought any clothes online for 2 years !!
Instead if I wanna buy anything I always look at vinted first so I am also helping recycle stuff others don't want and I also sell my own clothes x

It will spur you on for about 2 days... then you'll decide you deserve a treat for doing so well etc. It's a vicious cycle.

If I were you, I would look up envelope stuffing! It's basically the equivalent of using Monzo or Revolut vaults but the difference is it is real cash. So if your beauty budget is £100 a month, you have that amount of cash in an envelope. You only bring that envelope out when you know you are going to buy new skincare or you are going to the hairdressers etc. It means the money isn't on a bank card so you can't impulse buy either.

You do this with pretty much everything....

Your savings need to be put into an account where you can't actually withdraw instantly. A 30 day notice or something.

First thing you need to do is inventory what you do have prioritise your weak points for shopping. Then separate out in use, to be used and never going to use. Keep the in use, store the to be used and give away or sell the never going to be used. Treat the to be used things as your own free shop.

Any clothes that I like but haven't worn in 6 months I remove from my wardrobe and then when I'm feeling stuck in a rut rather than going shopping I go through my not in use clothes and often a new love for items I've had for years. I am approaching 40 and I have clothes that I bought at 17!

When are you most at risk of spending? What is happening at that time and what is the driving force?

If you are removing money from a LISA I would wait until you have a better reign on finances before adding too it as rather than you earning interest on your money it is costing you money as there is a 6.25% penalty for removing money if it is not for a first home or a pension

Unless you have some unmentioned debt (except student loan or similar) you are ok. Tbh at least you recognise your spending habits aren’t what you wish they were in your 20s which is earlier than a lot of people.

don’t beat yourself up over the odd coffee or meal deal. But think of what you could do with your savings if you built them up, do you have a car? If not you could maybe buy one for cash at some point and not get into the debt of pcp or similar. Or longer term, the property ladder? It’s hard to save sometimes without an eye on the prize (so to speak)

Keep a log of all spending.

Keep all cards at home. Try to just use cash even?

I need my savings to be accessible though as I’m travelling at the end of summer. So I need to be able to get the money out to pay for accommodation etc

I am also bad at saving. I am on benefits and only give myself £40 from each payment (of which I get three a month) £10 of which goes into my high interest holiday fund. All other money goes straight into the joint account to cover bills, my husband then put amounts in various saving accounts. He is a spreadsheet geek and every penny is accounted for. The only thing I can do is to have this small amount to play with and once it's gone, it's gone. I am learning by having to arrange to have the money for my phone bill in my account when it's meant to go out.

Is that in Wales?!

I cover all my essential spending fine, it’s just all the extra. I’m so ashamed of how I burn through money.

tonight I’m going to go through and do a detailed spreadsheet of all my spending. I’m then going to use ChatGPT to work out how and where I can cut back

Would it help if you picked a charity and promised yourself that you’ll donate say 10% of whatever you save at the end of the month? I did this for a while and it meant that every time I went to buy something random, I thought “If I don’t buy it, that’s another £1 for the Charity” or whatever. It just helped me focus a bit on what I really wanted to use my money for.

i do still donate to charity, but I no longer need to tie it to savings in order to motivate me to do it!

I would suggest you take a look at compulsive shopping info. What happens for people who cannot control shopping ( of whatever sort) is that they crave the dopamine hit it gives. That then goes and they want the next hit. And so shop all over again.
And when in a shop the spend need/habit kicks in. And is a form of self reward or self comfort.

As with many addictions sometimes people have to find what works for them to stop it. A good step is to recognise there is a problem.

No. The reason I want to stop is because I have barely anything left at the end of the month.

OP I hear you. I’m in my 40s and I’ve been like this all my life. Through therapy I have come to understand that for me it’s a pathological addiction that comes from living in extreme poverty as a child. I have to work hard on this every day. Here are some things I do:

• I use the “Weekly” app to set a weekly budget and track my spending. I find the accountability of that helps me, and it motivates me to see money left over at the end of the week. I’ve used other apps before with a monthly budget, but I find weekly works best for me.
• i put monthly savings into a SIPP where i cannot access the money.
• If i want something, I put it on a wish list and keep going back to it over a period of time to see if i really do want it, or whether its just a impulse thing.
• i try to make my own packed lunches and food as much as possible.
• I make myself check my bank balance every day so I can’t be in denial.
• I try to enforce a “one in one out” rule for myself when buying clothes and shoes.

Well done for trying to tackle this in your 20s, I wish I had. It makes me so ashamed to think of all the money I have wasted over the years of my working life.