Husband has stormed out because I found messages on his phone

[Welshie2]

Hi everyone, I had so many supportive messages on my previous post which has now closed. I have started to implement some of the advice around finances etc. I’ve also filled this weekend with plans not involving my Husband. I said last night he was going at 100mph, and he is similar today. He has text me to say the delivery is arriving tomorrow morning and he can see if his parents can have DS so we can have some us time. I’ve told him I’m going to be out and he has just blanked me.

So thank you to everyone who is helping me navigate this. He is making it seem like everything is business as usual and that I am silly to be dragging it out in his words.

Morally ? Fuck off!

What was your response to that? As others have said, you keep posting 'he says', 'he maintains' etc. You are rapidly going to lose the goodwill people are offering you here, unless you start showing your teeth a bit. Find yourself a shit hot lawyer who supports that the inheritance is a joint asset and go after him.

He has done such a number on you. Leave this scumbag now.

Its also very clear that he has no respect for women.

Morals my ass

You're having a fucking laugh aren't you?! He's happy to burn through your savings so he doesn't use his own inheritance to clean up his own mess?!
Fuck that, he can use his own bloody money to sort his shit out. Oh and its half yours anyway in the eyes of divorce .......

Morally he can only use it on something meaningful?

Great. Off he fucks - he can use it to sort himself a new place to live.

“Moral” quandary over.

You can’t seriously be listening to what he’s spouting and believing a word of it? You said earlier you were waiting to protect you and DC - as PP have said, you’re on the brink of jeopardising your future as he could be classed as a primary carer and you ordered to pay maintenance. You need to deal with this smartly and sharpish OP - he’s quick with slippery answers so you need to be on your toes so you don’t get caught out.

”He said that morally…” FFS and what did you say to that? I’m starting to wonder if this is a wind up .

I was completely unaware of the implications if he stayed at home and I will look at finding a lawyer, I guess I’ve been putting it off because I’m worried about the cost and I thought they’d advise me to await the outcome of his job

A lot of posters have been telling you to see a lawyer.

He can sell the sex chair on FB.

id ask him to leave he can buy a new house with his inheritance.

This is getting ridiculous now.

It’s a shame that because I can’t simply up and leave, that it’s being suggested I’m not genuine. I am going to continue posting, as the advice has been invaluable. I don’t have too many people in my life I can speak to about this, so I really do appreciate everyone who has been supportive.

It’s not that you haven’t left yet. It’s that you seem genuinely to be giving what he says the time of day. You give no opinion yourself A you just drop what he’s been saying.

are you just sitting there nodding along? Does he understand that your marriage is over?

Well he seems to have forgotten his marriage promise to you…

I am utterly exhausted by everything, he knows he has broken me with this and I’ve told him last week I want a divorce which he doesn’t seem to take seriously. I have cried every night and he doesn’t care.

For what it’s worth I think it’s genuine @Welshie2 and sympathise/empathise with what you’re going through. I think people on here are getting frustrated because they care and support you and want to see your husband get some comeuppance. He’s taken no accountability and on the face of it has had no repercussions. Hope you’re doing ok

Thank you, I am sure everyone will get their wish soon, and I’ll pick up the pieces, but I know I will be ok in the long run and it will work out x

Of course he doesn't take it seriously, because you are there with him...having bbqs...going through his paperwork with him...talking about financially supporting him after he gets fired...God forbid hopefully not playing on his sex chair with him.
Find some fire and then he'll take you seriously!

OP you need to find out how much is in his pension because that's a marital asset too. Don't forget he's also squirrelled away the proceeds of the coin beginning with B.
If you can, get photocopies, screenshots or photos on your phone of any financial documents (if you can't get the originals). Find your marriage certificate, you'll need that too (he can buy himself a copy from somewhere). Check you have DC birth certificate and passport. Keep all this stuff somewhere he can't access them. Take everything to a divorce solicitor and start discussing where you stand. Waiting for the outcome if his job investigation is pointlessly stringing things out and totally unnecessary for starting divorce proceedings.

Don't let him be SAHP, you'd lose your kid and your house and have to pay him CM.

Don't use your savings or your wages supporting him. Change any passwords and ensure you're logged out of all accounts on any devices he has access too. Even better, delete any financial apps and website history of yours from those devices.

Don't return to work full time until you've figured out if you need to as a single parent. "Entitled To" website allows you to input hypothetical details so you can see if you'd get any benefits.
There's another website that will give you the Local Housing Allowance for a two bedroom property in your area (or any area, if moving is better for you. You just need a postcode to give it, one from a shop or a friend's house will do). You'll need that for the calculation if you're inputting a hypothetical situation where you're renting. Just google for it, it'll show.

Wanting to honour his dead grandparents memory, my arse. Wanting to screw you over more like. It's financial control, he wants to spend your money so it's harder for you to leave him. You're his cash cow (and useful for sex when he has nobody else on the go). You provide him with the social status of being a "happy family man" and mean he doesn't have to do housework or childcare. Now he's wanting you to fund him sat on his arse all day while he laughs behind your back at what a mug you are. Kick him to the kerb OP, he's 100% pure scum.

You definitely need to legally establish leaving before he becomes the sahd.

Him suddenly loosing his job and then not looking for a new one should be seen for what it is then.

Is there anywhere you can go and stay? Even if just temporarily to get a break from him. You need to find your anger.

perhaps start by working out what your own financial position is. Those savings are yours. Do not touch them until you need them - not him. Would it be feasible to rent a 1 bed flat commuting distance from work? Are your family local?

you need to start thinking about your future and not his

He needs to leave the house. Get yourself some space. He can go stay with friends or family or use his moral savings to get a hotel.

This is a thing you need to do tonight. Not argue, not negotiate. He needs to go stay somewhere else tonight.

When is his disciplinary scheduled for? People are desperate for him to get comeuppance but we’re all used to instant gratification.