Husband has stormed out because I found messages on his phone

[Welshie2]

Hi everyone, I had so many supportive messages on my previous post which has now closed. I have started to implement some of the advice around finances etc. I’ve also filled this weekend with plans not involving my Husband. I said last night he was going at 100mph, and he is similar today. He has text me to say the delivery is arriving tomorrow morning and he can see if his parents can have DS so we can have some us time. I’ve told him I’m going to be out and he has just blanked me.

So thank you to everyone who is helping me navigate this. He is making it seem like everything is business as usual and that I am silly to be dragging it out in his words.

was told I either want to improve things or I don’t.

I think your ideas of what constitutes improvements are so incompatible as to be unreconcilable.

And putting it on you is so grim. Like it's your fault he started sniffing round elsewhere and now he's been magnanimous and given you chance to redeem yourself, you aren't showing the required enthusiasm and gratitude. It's twisted.

[On a different note, and at risk of seeming insensitive - is anyone else reading the repeated use of "sex chair" in the voice of Alan Partridge? Sorry OP, it just popped in my head and now I can't unhear it. Also sorry to anyone who was quite fancying the sex chair idea, in case I have taken the shine off. ]

He really is the absolute dregs. God help you if this is all you think you deserve.

It's almost.. threatening, his weird obsession with this sex chair. Sinister I think.

I would be staying elsewhere with my child for the foreseeable.

Ask him why on earth he thinks you would want to “improve things” with a man who has shown himself to be so dreadfully disloyal and deceitful?
Alternatively, save your breath and simply tell him to get out. I honestly struggle to believe that someone can be this…awful!

Leave him.

Ugh. No way. This man is on another planet!

His behaviours go from extreme to extreme. He sounds volatile and potentially sexually violent. He's determined to play the victim and he's keeping you off balance.

Tell him you're not having sex with him, much less in his sex chair you never asked for. He needs full STI testing. He needs to move out of the home or at least the bedroom. Hold your boundary that you want space.

The man has zero emotional intelligence! Has he always been like that?

He’s gross!

He’s exchanged inappropriate messages with a colleague that he manages.
Has he any sense of what’s ok and that he could lose his job if she turns against him.
She was very confident saying she’d imagined lying on the desk etc etc
Would she just say that out of the blue to her line manager unless he’s given her encouragement or signals?
Now this chair which I had to google what it was.
I’d end it he can’t be trusted simple as that OP.

What a knob. Run for the hills OP, run far, far, away, and don't look back.

I’ve had to cancel my day time plans because his mate is having a ‘crisis’ and he’s had to rush out to meet him, so can’t have DS. I can guarantee the ‘crisis’ will require a trip to the pub.

His 'mate', eh?

Just kick him out. He’s adding nothing to your life!!! His needs are always going to beat yours

I hope the chair is still in the box

He asked me to take a look at assembling it if I get the chance. As he was leaving. I may have swore!

Tbh you are sounding very passive here. He’s walking all over you

whats holding you back from ending the relationship? Perhaps it’s better to focus on that because the reasons to leave are overwhelming but there’s something keeping you there and passive

Like bollocks has his friend had a 'crisis'.

He has initiated a mind games war with you. I wouldn't rise to it, just quietly begin online proceedings.

He’d come back to a pile of ashes if he’d said that to me!
Just who the hell does he think he is?

I’d be tempted to tell him you’ve left a bag of his stuff at his parents so he can stay there this week. And drop the chair off with it

I’d probably break the chair into 100 pieces while he was out dealing with the ‘crisis’ But then, I’m petty

I can’t quite fathom your response so far hasn’t been ‘don’t be so f*cking ridiculous, you lying, cheating scumbag. Fuck off and don’t come back’
Im praying tte reason you haven’t is purely tactical.

A crisis greater than his own marriage falling apart?

More likely he doesn’t want OP having the freedom to enjoy herself away from him and the chair 🤮🤮🤮

Putting all the onus on you to do what he wants you to do "to improve the situation", with no thought to what you want him to do - give you some space - "to improve the situation".

He seems to be under the impression his wife has accepted his BS and moved on

So passive that she sounds like she’s not actually existing in her life and the real world.

Behaviour is a language and he's telling you over and over again that he doesn't care about how this has made you feel.

Agree with PP that you need to stop being passive and letting him walk all over you. The stunt today with having to "support a friend" rather than looking after his own child on top of the texting shows he has no respect for you.