Page 34 | Husband has stormed out because I found messages on his phone

Welshie2 · 2026-05-15T14:01:19+00:00

Hi everyone, I had so many supportive messages on my previous post which has now closed. I have started to implement some of the advice around finances etc. I’ve also filled this weekend with plans not involving my Husband. I said last night he was going at 100mph, and he is similar today. He has text me to say the delivery is arriving tomorrow morning and he can see if his parents can have DS so we can have some us time. I’ve told him I’m going to be out and he has just blanked me. So thank you to everyone who is helping me navigate this. He is making it seem like everything is business as usual and that I am silly to be dragging it out in his words.

changeme4this · 27/05/2026 18:54

You’ve forgotten about yourself as a woman and you have stopped valuing your self worth.

He has drawn you into this workplace battle, putting on a team face V. His employer.

you’ve forgotten/left behind the very reason why he finds himself in the position he is in, that is at best he was flirting inappropriately with a work colleague, at worst he was rooting her at work all the while she telling someone else about it.

putting aside the chance once he has left the company and has time to spare (honey I went for job interviews today) they may well hook up again and she will be so sympathetic that he lost his job due to the 3rd party and “it wasn’t her”.

when did he last tell you your bottom should be the 8th wonder of the world….

your husband has been unfaithful to you!

he needs to move out to give you time to reflect. Read your posts back to yourself and think what you would say to a sister or girlfriend writing here. What advice would you give?

you know there’s not going to be any massive payout, which I was of the understanding is what you were waiting for.

your husband has been unfaithful! End it before he steps on you further and your financial resources are depleted to be able to end your marriage with some safety and comfort.

no one is going to think badly of you. I hope you have been honest with family and friends, please wrap yourself with support and love.

right now it seems you are alienated from everyone else bar him…

WhatTheHellsGoingOn · 27/05/2026 18:56

He says if I was to lose my income at short notice then he’d do whatever he could to support me so I should do the same.

He’s said rather a lot of shit that turned out to be untrue - why believe this?

SignGrudgeBluebook · 27/05/2026 18:58

Welshie2 · 27/05/2026 14:23

Can I ask for what people think of this please. We had a far calmer conversation earlier about what finances look like if he loses his job. He says I’ll need to go back to work full time and in his words he will take on the women role of looking after the house until any appeal is heard/gets a new role. He also said we will both need to access savings even though my main account has a big interest penalty to access early. He says if I was to lose my income at short notice then he’d do whatever he could to support me so I should do the same. I had to really battle to reduce my hours and would look silly to request to go back to full time not long after, I will one day but we were in agreement with them reducing.

That was the first time he is considering what happens if he gets fired which he hasn’t done until today, I think the seriousness is finally hitting home with him.

And you just stood there with a straight face yes? If so, you are a better man than me Gunga DIn.

SignGrudgeBluebook · 27/05/2026 19:00

S0j0urn4r · 27/05/2026 18:30

So he expects you to support him financially even though this whole mess is due to him cheating on you?
Are you okay with that?

Put better than I did.

He has a neck on him, I'll give him that.

outerspacepotato · 27/05/2026 19:00

Remember how he gloated that the company was paying him to stay home on the bank weekend?

That's how he thinks about you, that you're dumb enough to pay through the nose for him to stay home.

He could become the primary parent, if you split you could be looking at paying child support to a lying cheater who got his ass fired for having sex in the office. He could get more from the sale of your home. He could really fuck your life if you stick around.

arethereanyleftatall · 27/05/2026 19:06

Welshie2 · 27/05/2026 14:23

Can I ask for what people think of this please. We had a far calmer conversation earlier about what finances look like if he loses his job. He says I’ll need to go back to work full time and in his words he will take on the women role of looking after the house until any appeal is heard/gets a new role. He also said we will both need to access savings even though my main account has a big interest penalty to access early. He says if I was to lose my income at short notice then he’d do whatever he could to support me so I should do the same. I had to really battle to reduce my hours and would look silly to request to go back to full time not long after, I will one day but we were in agreement with them reducing.

That was the first time he is considering what happens if he gets fired which he hasn’t done until today, I think the seriousness is finally hitting home with him.

Oh no op. No, no, no.

I haven’t read the other responses yet.

you know he’s a liar. This is him possibly manipulating himself in to a good position for divorce. You know he could well be contemplating divorce the same way you are. This means you have to pay him maintenance. This means he could get your dc as primary carer or he will pretend to so that you don’t get access to his savings.

i think this is possibly an extremely nasty man.

arethereanyleftatall · 27/05/2026 19:07

Phew. I only had a few seconds so I e skimmed, everyone says the same.

ItTook9Years · 27/05/2026 19:13

DivorcedButHappyNow · 27/05/2026 18:30

Beyond reasonable doubt is the standard in a criminal court.

In the UK in employment law, the standard is ‘what is reasonable" which means the employer must have reasonable grounds to believe you are guilty of gross misconduct and ensure dismissal is a proportionate response.

For a gross misconduct dismissal to be legally considered fair, the employer must meet strict standards of reasonableness:

The Burchell Test (Reasonable Belief)
An employment tribunal will not focus on whether you are actually guilty, but whether your employer acted reasonably in believing you were.

To be reasonable, they must:
Hold a genuine belief: Truly believe you committed the act at the time of dismissal.
Have reasonable grounds: Base this belief on logical, tangible evidence.
Conduct a reasonable investigation

So your DH’s plan to fight any dismissal might be unwise. However if his TU backed him that would cover any legal costs. But they only support what will win.

Show quote history

Is this AI slop, perchance? Only there are a couple of us who do this for a living who have already explained this using our actual brains and experience.

NotAWurstToIt · 27/05/2026 19:18

OP reading back, it seems as if you are starting to believe him, or want to believe what he’s saying.
It’s understandable when your world has been turned upside down in the space of a few days, that you’re looking for stability and trying to find the man you thought he was.
It would be easier if he wasn’t a cheater and if he was genuinely wrongly accused here and I can see why you’d look for that. However, he’s shown you who he is, what he thinks and how he behaves - please believe that and put yourself first and don’t let him persuade you otherwise.
If you choose to stay with him (and I really hope you don’t), please at least make that decision with your eyes wide open about the situation and what he’s done.

ClayPotaLot · 27/05/2026 19:27

If you are thinking of divorce, him staying home and looking after the kids while you go back full time is setting yourself to loose out doubly. You have taken the hit to your career for the sake of the family while he was screwing around at work and then he will get the court's consideration for that role when it comes to splitting assets (and possibly the kids time with each of you). All because he fucked up at work. You may, however, need to go back to work full time sooner than planned. Just don't do it until you've got somewhere else to live, established a a routine with kids and sorted out childcare that will cover you if you need it too.

If you are going to stay with him (which I think is foolish for many reasons - at the very least because even if the vanishingly unlikely case that he has been set up were true, his lack of any consideration for you after you found the messages and then this came out shows a contempt for you as a spouse that would be foolish to stay with) I would be very wary of a plan to contest being fired and waiting around to be reinstated. He needs to be looking for other work asap and intending moving on from the old place (he can still contest). The idea that you will alter your work plans so he can be a SAHD when he's just waiting to go back to his job is totally unfair on your kids and you. Who does he expect to look after them once he gets his job back? Is he expecting you to alter your work again? Or to put them in childcare since it no longer suits him? His plans consider only him (which can't be unexpected at this point)

Whether you are leaving immediately or not - do not access your savings. Even if you were staying it would be foolish to do so while he has some he can access without penalty. Why on earth would he expect you to if his plan is for you to remain a family? That seems so clearly like an attempt to make it more difficult for you to leave him.

SunnyRedSnail · 27/05/2026 19:42

Welshie2 · 27/05/2026 14:23

Can I ask for what people think of this please. We had a far calmer conversation earlier about what finances look like if he loses his job. He says I’ll need to go back to work full time and in his words he will take on the women role of looking after the house until any appeal is heard/gets a new role. He also said we will both need to access savings even though my main account has a big interest penalty to access early. He says if I was to lose my income at short notice then he’d do whatever he could to support me so I should do the same. I had to really battle to reduce my hours and would look silly to request to go back to full time not long after, I will one day but we were in agreement with them reducing.

That was the first time he is considering what happens if he gets fired which he hasn’t done until today, I think the seriousness is finally hitting home with him.

You tell him that you never would have done anything to get yourself fired in the first place so you will not be going back full time and if he loses his job he uses his savings to pay his share and finds a new job ASAP.

Original poster

Welshie2 · 27/05/2026 19:55

Thanks everyone, I was completely unaware of the implications if he stayed at home and I will look at finding a lawyer, I guess I’ve been putting it off because I’m worried about the cost and I thought they’d advise me to await the outcome of his job before doing anything. I mentioned his inheritance and he said that morally he can’t use it for this as he promised his grandad it would be spent on something meaningful such as a future house move or improvements.

OP posts:

Rosessmelllovely · 27/05/2026 19:57

Morally 🤣 Please OP, please. He has the morals of an alley cat. He is lower than a snake’s arse. Did you not roll your eyes at the irony?

Lizchapman · 27/05/2026 19:57

Welshie2 · 27/05/2026 19:55

Thanks everyone, I was completely unaware of the implications if he stayed at home and I will look at finding a lawyer, I guess I’ve been putting it off because I’m worried about the cost and I thought they’d advise me to await the outcome of his job before doing anything. I mentioned his inheritance and he said that morally he can’t use it for this as he promised his grandad it would be spent on something meaningful such as a future house move or improvements.

So he feels he needs to keep that promise but all those he made to you ………

DinoDoughnut81 · 27/05/2026 19:58

Rosessmelllovely · 27/05/2026 19:57

Morally 🤣 Please OP, please. He has the morals of an alley cat. He is lower than a snake’s arse. Did you not roll your eyes at the irony?

Edited

Same, morally, ffs.

WhosGotTheKeysToMyBimma · 27/05/2026 19:58

Morally?

Is it moral to cheat on your wife & lie to her? Expect her to prop you up financially after he loses his job for gross misconduct? But it's a step to far to put his hand in his pocket.

He's got a fucking nerve.

Imdunfer · 27/05/2026 19:59

Welshie2 · 27/05/2026 19:55

Thanks everyone, I was completely unaware of the implications if he stayed at home and I will look at finding a lawyer, I guess I’ve been putting it off because I’m worried about the cost and I thought they’d advise me to await the outcome of his job before doing anything. I mentioned his inheritance and he said that morally he can’t use it for this as he promised his grandad it would be spent on something meaningful such as a future house move or improvements.

So he'd use your savings to feed his family instead?

Can you see how he's playing you here?

I would suggest that he uses it on a meaningful house move out of your home.

YourHeartyFatball · 27/05/2026 20:01

Oh now he has morals!?! 😂

BeardySchnauzer · 27/05/2026 20:03

Tell him that morally you can’t use your savings to fund a dirty cheat who was too thick to keep it in his pants and lost his job

do not touch those savings and change any passwords he might know

YourHeartyFatball · 27/05/2026 20:03

You don’t have to wait until you know what will happen with his job. It’s probably best that you don’t. Get some advice asap.

outerspacepotato · 27/05/2026 20:03

Welshie2 · 27/05/2026 19:55

Thanks everyone, I was completely unaware of the implications if he stayed at home and I will look at finding a lawyer, I guess I’ve been putting it off because I’m worried about the cost and I thought they’d advise me to await the outcome of his job before doing anything. I mentioned his inheritance and he said that morally he can’t use it for this as he promised his grandad it would be spent on something meaningful such as a future house move or improvements.

Go see the damn lawyer. You're operating out of ignorance and that's already limited you and might really fuck you and your kids over completely.

Morally? Are you shittin me? His pants should have caught on fire and he should have been smote by lightning having the nerve to claim anything moral about funding his fucked up life with his inheiritance. I bet that's yet another lie.

He's oh so moral, he should have kept it in his pants at work and not been fucking his coworker.

bookwormcrazy · 27/05/2026 20:05

Welshie2 · 27/05/2026 19:55

Thanks everyone, I was completely unaware of the implications if he stayed at home and I will look at finding a lawyer, I guess I’ve been putting it off because I’m worried about the cost and I thought they’d advise me to await the outcome of his job before doing anything. I mentioned his inheritance and he said that morally he can’t use it for this as he promised his grandad it would be spent on something meaningful such as a future house move or improvements.

This just gets worse…. So he’s happy to spend your savings and for you to work full time to support him (after he’s cheated!!!) but he can’t possibly spend his own money because it’s an inheritance!

you need to run!!!

Perimama · 27/05/2026 20:05

Welshie2 · 27/05/2026 19:55

Thanks everyone, I was completely unaware of the implications if he stayed at home and I will look at finding a lawyer, I guess I’ve been putting it off because I’m worried about the cost and I thought they’d advise me to await the outcome of his job before doing anything. I mentioned his inheritance and he said that morally he can’t use it for this as he promised his grandad it would be spent on something meaningful such as a future house move or improvements.

Morally - wtf op!

MementoMountain · 27/05/2026 20:07

Well, he certainly has room for improvement, so there's that. Yes, he can go and spend it on a house move, the sooner the better.

Jackiepumpkinhead · 27/05/2026 20:16

Get a grip, OP. This is embarrassing.