Page 30 | Husband has stormed out because I found messages on his phone

Welshie2 · 2026-05-15T14:01:19+00:00

Hi everyone, I had so many supportive messages on my previous post which has now closed. I have started to implement some of the advice around finances etc. I’ve also filled this weekend with plans not involving my Husband. I said last night he was going at 100mph, and he is similar today. He has text me to say the delivery is arriving tomorrow morning and he can see if his parents can have DS so we can have some us time. I’ve told him I’m going to be out and he has just blanked me. So thank you to everyone who is helping me navigate this. He is making it seem like everything is business as usual and that I am silly to be dragging it out in his words.

WhatTheHellsGoingOn · 27/05/2026 13:40

Beachtastic · 27/05/2026 10:46

Yes, I get that, but he doesn't exactly sound panicked. Panic would be a normal response. He sounds as though he feels invincible.

Edited

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He sounds as though he feels invincible.

Maybe he’s taking cocaine or something similar

Beachtastic · 27/05/2026 13:59

WhatTheHellsGoingOn · 27/05/2026 13:40

He sounds as though he feels invincible.

Maybe he’s taking cocaine or something similar

Show quote history

Possible. We can speculate endlessly!

We're all inclined to project our own experience. Most PPs are very clear that this must be The Script. I agree that it might be, but his behaviour also matches what I've seen with BPD. That's why I was asking OP if he's always been like this to some extent (grandiose delusions).

Original poster

Welshie2 · 27/05/2026 14:23

Can I ask for what people think of this please. We had a far calmer conversation earlier about what finances look like if he loses his job. He says I’ll need to go back to work full time and in his words he will take on the women role of looking after the house until any appeal is heard/gets a new role. He also said we will both need to access savings even though my main account has a big interest penalty to access early. He says if I was to lose my income at short notice then he’d do whatever he could to support me so I should do the same. I had to really battle to reduce my hours and would look silly to request to go back to full time not long after, I will one day but we were in agreement with them reducing.

That was the first time he is considering what happens if he gets fired which he hasn’t done until today, I think the seriousness is finally hitting home with him.

OP posts:

MyOtherProfile · 27/05/2026 14:27

Did you suggest he starts by using the wad of savings you know he has, since this is his fault?

Lizchapman · 27/05/2026 14:27

Welshie2 · 27/05/2026 14:23

Can I ask for what people think of this please. We had a far calmer conversation earlier about what finances look like if he loses his job. He says I’ll need to go back to work full time and in his words he will take on the women role of looking after the house until any appeal is heard/gets a new role. He also said we will both need to access savings even though my main account has a big interest penalty to access early. He says if I was to lose my income at short notice then he’d do whatever he could to support me so I should do the same. I had to really battle to reduce my hours and would look silly to request to go back to full time not long after, I will one day but we were in agreement with them reducing.

That was the first time he is considering what happens if he gets fired which he hasn’t done until today, I think the seriousness is finally hitting home with him.

He says he would support you - but do you really think he would do so if you lost your job because you’d had an affair with a colleague?? Somehow I doubt it.

TwinklyRoseTurtle · 27/05/2026 14:27

Why are you still with him? Absolutely baffled, wouldn’t go back full time to support him nor would I give him a penny, please preserve your dignity and leave him

foreversunshine · 27/05/2026 14:27

Welshie2 · 27/05/2026 14:23

Can I ask for what people think of this please. We had a far calmer conversation earlier about what finances look like if he loses his job. He says I’ll need to go back to work full time and in his words he will take on the women role of looking after the house until any appeal is heard/gets a new role. He also said we will both need to access savings even though my main account has a big interest penalty to access early. He says if I was to lose my income at short notice then he’d do whatever he could to support me so I should do the same. I had to really battle to reduce my hours and would look silly to request to go back to full time not long after, I will one day but we were in agreement with them reducing.

That was the first time he is considering what happens if he gets fired which he hasn’t done until today, I think the seriousness is finally hitting home with him.

Why are you being so passive in your own life? Why do you give a shit what he wants you to do? This man has - very obviously to everyone with eyes and a brain - been cheating on you for a while now. He has been caught once but that doesn't mean he has only cheated once.

You need to find your anger and start thinking of yourself and your children. With respect, OP...get a grip.

dapsnotplimsolls · 27/05/2026 14:29

Bugger that. He needs to apply for any and everything if he's sacked, not sit on his arse waiting for the 'right' job to come along.

Megifer · 27/05/2026 14:29

Welshie2 · 27/05/2026 14:23

Can I ask for what people think of this please. We had a far calmer conversation earlier about what finances look like if he loses his job. He says I’ll need to go back to work full time and in his words he will take on the women role of looking after the house until any appeal is heard/gets a new role. He also said we will both need to access savings even though my main account has a big interest penalty to access early. He says if I was to lose my income at short notice then he’d do whatever he could to support me so I should do the same. I had to really battle to reduce my hours and would look silly to request to go back to full time not long after, I will one day but we were in agreement with them reducing.

That was the first time he is considering what happens if he gets fired which he hasn’t done until today, I think the seriousness is finally hitting home with him.

Hes mugging you right off.

He needs to resign so he'll get notice pay. They might still proceed with the disciplinary but at least he'll get pay. Then he can find a job with his notice pay as a buffer.

Absolute fucking cheek of him. How or why you are still entertaining this bollocks I have no idea. He must have a solid gold cock 😂

WallaceinAnderland · 27/05/2026 14:31

Welshie2 · 27/05/2026 14:23

Can I ask for what people think of this please. We had a far calmer conversation earlier about what finances look like if he loses his job. He says I’ll need to go back to work full time and in his words he will take on the women role of looking after the house until any appeal is heard/gets a new role. He also said we will both need to access savings even though my main account has a big interest penalty to access early. He says if I was to lose my income at short notice then he’d do whatever he could to support me so I should do the same. I had to really battle to reduce my hours and would look silly to request to go back to full time not long after, I will one day but we were in agreement with them reducing.

That was the first time he is considering what happens if he gets fired which he hasn’t done until today, I think the seriousness is finally hitting home with him.

Absolutely not. You will protect your finances and you will divorce him.

eyeofthundera · 27/05/2026 14:32

Welshie2 · 27/05/2026 14:23

Can I ask for what people think of this please. We had a far calmer conversation earlier about what finances look like if he loses his job. He says I’ll need to go back to work full time and in his words he will take on the women role of looking after the house until any appeal is heard/gets a new role. He also said we will both need to access savings even though my main account has a big interest penalty to access early. He says if I was to lose my income at short notice then he’d do whatever he could to support me so I should do the same. I had to really battle to reduce my hours and would look silly to request to go back to full time not long after, I will one day but we were in agreement with them reducing.

That was the first time he is considering what happens if he gets fired which he hasn’t done until today, I think the seriousness is finally hitting home with him.

Could you trust him to be home with your child. You said he was in the garden drinking and sounds impulsive/reckless.

I think you shouldn’t have to be paying for his mistakes. Take advice from a divorce lawyer or similar. You may need to have a united front for the sake of your child, but you should not use your savings.

Middlemarch123 · 27/05/2026 14:34

Tell you what I think of this @Welshie2 . I think you’re bonkers to still be with him, let alone talking about a future. He’s toxic. He created this shitshow, let him sort the future. If this isn’t a huge wake up call for you, then how worse does it need to get before you wake up and smell the bullshit?

Dig deep and find your self confidence, it’s been crushed along with your self worth. Then ditch him. Get the best lawyer you can afford and cut loose.

aquitodavia · 27/05/2026 14:35

Lizchapman · 27/05/2026 14:27

He says he would support you - but do you really think he would do so if you lost your job because you’d had an affair with a colleague?? Somehow I doubt it.

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Exactly.

If I were you, I'd be taking my half of whatever money there is and leaving him to it. I could never stay with someone who did this to me. Don't get distracted by this work battle OP, the original issue of him cheating on you is still the same.

Lizchapman · 27/05/2026 14:36

How much looking after the house did he do when you were both working full time? Somehow I’m guessing it was less than 50% and I suspect he would be “too busy job hunting/preparing for the tribunal” to actually do much so then you would be left working full time, doing childcare and the bulk of the housework while depleting your savings. Does that sound like the future you want or deserve?

GrumpyButOk · 27/05/2026 14:37

He says if I was to lose my income at short notice then he’d do whatever he could to support me so I should do the same.

He would still be keen to support you if the reason you lost your income was because you were fired for gross misconduct after repeatedly shagging one of your junior staff, literally in the office?

CoralOP · 27/05/2026 14:38

Unfortunately i think the longer you try and hold out for the outcome of his employment the more you are messing with your brain and heart and won't leave in the end. I really hope you do, personally I would just get away as quickly as I could regardless of the consequences, everything is figureoutable.
Personally I would even help his employer fire him by sending the messages you have, I would explode his life.
I don't think he can be trusted to provide financially for you or the kids if he keeps his job and you announce you will divorce him, I think he will take it all and make your life as difficult as possible.
Good luck though, I hope you get through this.

Firstworldprobs · 27/05/2026 14:38

None of that is relevant at all because YOU WILL BE DIVORCED.
Come on OP - your next conversation needs to be about the end of your marriage - his work drama is NO LONGER YOUR PROBLEM. Why are you still discussing it with him as if you are going to stay married to him? Even if he 'gets off' the gross misconduct accusation, he has still been unfaithful and that is 100% factual. So you will be divorcing him, right?
You must seperate the two things now: the only mental and emotional energy you should be expending from today onwards is preparing for divorce. Sounds like you'll be the only earner anyway so in that case you don't need him to 'win' this employment case, as you will be supporting yourself once you are divorced anyway.
No more discussions on his work situation. NOT YOUR PROBLEM ANY MORE>

BMW58 · 27/05/2026 14:40

MyOtherProfile · 27/05/2026 14:27

Did you suggest he starts by using the wad of savings you know he has, since this is his fault?

This! ^^^

HE has caused this total shitshow so he can use HIS stash of ££££££ to cover expenses!!

As for his suggestion that he do the "women's role" - what the actual FUCK

How can you bear to be in the same room with him baffles me.

He's nothing but a sleazy gobshite

BuckChuckets · 27/05/2026 14:40

Why are you even entertaining this conversation? Don't say you're staying...

WallaceinAnderland · 27/05/2026 14:42

Welshie2 · 26/05/2026 20:51

Sorry forgot to add to my reply that he said he advocated for exceeding because she was a new manager who hadn’t had reports before and took to the role really well with some challenging people to manage. He says he knows someone who got the same rating before in similar circumstances. So he says that’s easily explained away.

Did he say why he told you he would rate her low to get her moved when in fact he had already tried to rate her the highest possible score? In other words, did he tell you why he lied to you about that?

He maintains nothing has happened physically and what he calls the silly messages are all there is.

The messages that work have are enough on their own for him to be sacked for GM. The messages on his personal phone are enough for you to know he was sleazing on a woman at work. Whether there is anything 'physical' is immaterial, he is still guilty on all counts.

He says there’s a lot of younger men at the company who it could have been

Would any of them be senior enough to partake in the rating?

The person that has behaved inappropriately is one of the people doing the rating. Surely that narrows it down a lot?

piscofrisco · 27/05/2026 14:42

WhatTheHellsGoingOn · 27/05/2026 13:40

He sounds as though he feels invincible.

Maybe he’s taking cocaine or something similar

Show quote history

Which would also account for any longevity in the bedroom (office cupboard) and the insane levels of delusion, arrogance, and victim complex.

kkloo · 27/05/2026 14:42

Welshie2 · 27/05/2026 14:23

Can I ask for what people think of this please. We had a far calmer conversation earlier about what finances look like if he loses his job. He says I’ll need to go back to work full time and in his words he will take on the women role of looking after the house until any appeal is heard/gets a new role. He also said we will both need to access savings even though my main account has a big interest penalty to access early. He says if I was to lose my income at short notice then he’d do whatever he could to support me so I should do the same. I had to really battle to reduce my hours and would look silly to request to go back to full time not long after, I will one day but we were in agreement with them reducing.

That was the first time he is considering what happens if he gets fired which he hasn’t done until today, I think the seriousness is finally hitting home with him.

It shouldn't happen at all. You should leave him.

This would terrible for you. You won't trust him. He will be awful most likely and then he'd be primary parent so it would be difficult for you to leave without him getting majority custody.

Fauxlein · 27/05/2026 14:42

Please OP don't let this man burn through your joint money because he has cheated on you and got into trouble for it. You said you wantes him to keep his job so finances were ok, so this would be the opposite, he loses his job AND spends your money. Have you seen a financial advisor at all? A solicitor is good, but getting that financial advice would be a better investment right now than opening your purse up for your cheating stbxh

Heylittlesongbird · 27/05/2026 14:44

I’d want some solid legal advice about how it changes finances moving forward, especially if you’re planning divorce. If he’s taken on the ‘women’s role’ and is unemployed, are you at risk of having to pay him? Does it increase his chances of becoming the main carer? Don’t walk into something that damages your position moving forward.

In the short term I’d want to work out how long savings can last if you stay at your current hours and he’s not working. I think he’s going to find it very hard to get another job.

And as someone else has said, don’t think for one minute he’d rally round to support you if you’d been sacked for an affair with a younger, junior colleague who you were in a position of authority over.

MyMilchick · 27/05/2026 14:46

Welshie2 · 27/05/2026 14:23

Can I ask for what people think of this please. We had a far calmer conversation earlier about what finances look like if he loses his job. He says I’ll need to go back to work full time and in his words he will take on the women role of looking after the house until any appeal is heard/gets a new role. He also said we will both need to access savings even though my main account has a big interest penalty to access early. He says if I was to lose my income at short notice then he’d do whatever he could to support me so I should do the same. I had to really battle to reduce my hours and would look silly to request to go back to full time not long after, I will one day but we were in agreement with them reducing.

That was the first time he is considering what happens if he gets fired which he hasn’t done until today, I think the seriousness is finally hitting home with him.

woman role? He'd be out the door for that alone