Husband has stormed out because I found messages on his phone

[Welshie2]

Hi everyone, I had so many supportive messages on my previous post which has now closed. I have started to implement some of the advice around finances etc. I’ve also filled this weekend with plans not involving my Husband. I said last night he was going at 100mph, and he is similar today. He has text me to say the delivery is arriving tomorrow morning and he can see if his parents can have DS so we can have some us time. I’ve told him I’m going to be out and he has just blanked me.

So thank you to everyone who is helping me navigate this. He is making it seem like everything is business as usual and that I am silly to be dragging it out in his words.

And yet he was telling you he could get the ‘bimbo’ thrown out by having her probationary period fail - how would that work if she was actually doing such an amazing job? He’s just so full of lies and crap - have you asked him why he expects you to believe him when he’s been caught out lying to your face so many times?!

This is so well put

Have you sought legal advice op about finances etc in a scenario where you are married, but separated and he gets sacked?

Honestly, i would recommend taking your money out of that joint account and advising you will deal with bills out of your own individual accounts. Having joint accounts in this situation causes a lot of upset and he could drain it all.

I feel enormously sorry for anyone in your position and have no sympathy with him at all, but I have to admit this all makes an unbelievably entertaining read.

I think we’re all hanging on to hear that OP has stiffed him for everything he owns and to vicariously witness the monumental bastard’s world come crashing down around his ears. He deserves everything that’s coming to him while OP and her child do not. Hope you’re ok, OP. You’ll get through this 💐 he won’t.

Did he use the word "away" himself?

Because if he did if find that damning.

If its true it's easily explained.

Only if it's false does it need to be be explained "away".

Wow, he really is believing in his smoke & mirrors fabulation.
He is going to lose his job, there is no doubt about this.
Tell him there will be no holiday as “when this is over” he will be unemployed, possibly unemployable in any similar role. & in the middle of a divorce.
He knows he is guilty & is lying,, you know he’s lying. Everybody can see he is lying.
He has put his dick first, before any integrity, & respect for you & the female species.
You need to protect yourself now

I’m sure there are other younger men at your H’s employer, but surely there’s only one who could affect her performance appraisal to bump it up to exceeds - her line manager. So it doesn’t actually matter that he isn’t referred to by name in her messages to her colleague - your H is readily identifiable by the content of her messages.

I’m really sorry this is happening to you. But he is, in all likelihood, going to be found by his employer to have committed gross misconduct. You need to prepare yourself for that.

especially hearing what she has been upto

He clearly knows more than he is telling you. If it's not him then he would probably know who it was; his silence is telling.

‘Teach her a valuable lesson’
Jesus. He obviously missed out on the same valuable lesson or else he wouldn’t have been messaging her about her arse in the first place.

I agree with this.

If they dismissed him and he took them to court, wouldn’t the onus be on him to prove the affair didn’t happen?

I would be so conflicted here. On one hand you need him to be employed to keep providing an income. But on the other it must be so tempting to take screenshots of his ‘silly messages’ and send them into hr.

Partially to kick him to the curb but also because he is being a misogynist wanker who deserves what’s coming to him!

Does he believe you when you said you want a divorce? Have you contacted a solicitor or started making plans or is everything still reeling as it is happening so quickly.

I thought an inheritance was a non-matrimonial asset if kept in the name of the person who inherited it?

Mine was included and I had to hand some of it over - not 50% but certainly a chunk of it

They don’t need to show the affair happened just that they had reasonable grounds to believe it had ( working on the probabilities not beyond reasonable doubt) so he would need to show they did not have that.

@Welshie2 Get out NOW. File ASAP. Save yourself. This guy is totally delusional and has an infantile approach to this process.

He’s not ill he’s a self-centred pig.
Has no regard for his own wife or child.
Not taking in his rep? He’s in for a rude awakening. If he takes his arrogance in the room he will make the decision even easier.
As for a tribunal, he’s delusional.
I would be looking at separating. I could not live with this man. He doesn’t give a toss about his own kid.

What a mess OP. I am sorry. His behaviour is so weird for someone facing gross misconduct. He really is in denial or somewhat psychopathic and unable to reflect on his behaviour at all.

I fear the next step could be that the woman accuses him of sexual harassment or something.

Stay strong x

This comment makes me cringe. What’s the point of it??

Surely the person who the messages were to has confirmed who they were about also.

The op doesn’t have any influence on whether he stays employed, which looks very unlikely. This rubbish he’s spouting shouts I’m guilty and not sure I can get the union rep to fall in with my cover story ‘He’s got another call with the rep and says he will decide whether to bring him in next week as a companion but he needs to be sure he won’t put his foot in it, as he’s probably use to representing guilty parties which he says he isn’t.’

His confidence does seem to suggest he is in contact with the woman and they’ve agreed to stay silent and defend their position.

I think her union rep may have a different view

I’m so glad you’ve told some people, you need that support. You need to speak to a lawyer, and get an idea of what you can do before he realises he cannot bullshit his way out of gross misconduct.

I missed this one earlier.

My translation:

The Union Rep has told me that he thinks I did it, and I don't want him in the meeting in case he makes that clear to them.

I think he knows that the rep will not defend him but will do a damage limitation exercise (as far as this is possible) and that will preclude him taking this further/going to tribune/etc.

He is totally delusional and trying to control an out of control situation. They will hand him his arse on a plate.

In reality he doesn't stand a snowballs chance and I would also be concerned that there might be legal issues he may ultimately have to defend.