Husband threatening divorce over a holiday.

[KiggiCalli]

I would like to take my daughter to Africa on holiday. For context, I am Black British and my husband is white. He does not like long-haul flights and is refusing to agree to the trip. His view is that because I visited South Africa four years ago, there is no need for us to travel to Africa again, and that we should choose a closer destination such as Europe instead.
My daughter, who is of mixed African heritage, has never been to Africa and is devastated that she is not being allowed to go.

My husband is threatening to divorce me, should I go ahead and book the holiday?

She needs permission from the other parent to take her child out of the country without the other parent.

Given the child’s 13 he would be a real knob to refuse permission but if he really wants to dig his heels in I guess he could.

if you travel to South Africa you need a lot of paperwork re your child so he could make things very difficult

Exactly. And if she’s raised in Britain she already lives in Europe so arguably there’s even less reason to go there over Africa. The prejudice in some of these comments is embarrassing. Hope Op just listens to the vote and knows she’s not BU.

News to me! I’ve taken my kids out of the country loads of times and have never once been asked if I have their father’s permission!

It is the case but not always actioned. I have a friend who can’t leave the country with her kids for a holiday because their dad says no. I believe you can get a flag on the kids passport

for South Africa you need evidence of the other parents agreement if they are not with you (you also need their birth certificates and marriage certificate if relevant)

Putting aside the racial heritage thing for a minute, if you don't mind (though I do get it), it sounds like the two of you aren't communicating very well. And that might be a bigger issue than just holiday preferences. Is he particularly stressed at the moment? Holidays involve thinking outside of the here and now, which can ignite tempers when people are under pressure and feel unable to engage with anything new or different.

For holidays, have you got under the skin of what a holiday means for each of you, and the extent to which the three members of the family should have say over holiday destinations and activities? He can't get his own way every time, so there has got to be room for the safe family friendly Africa trip that you have in mind at some point, even if not next holiday. And, as you say, maybe it can be in addition to the holiday he wants.

Sounds borderline abusive and narcissistic

I agree with the poster who advised you to post this over in Black MN @KiggiCalli, clearly people here are rather ignorant and deliberately obtuse with their responses such as "why are you going to an African country you have no connection with" and "what's you being black" got to do with it" etc. Come over to Black MN you won't have to deal with any of this ignorance over there!

The poster didn't say that 🙄

But the OP said she has no heritage connection to the country. Why is the husband being manipulative to try and get them to go where he wants to go to but the OP isn’t being manipulative by trying to get the family go to the country she wants to go to. The OP wants to go to Africa, the husband doesn't. There's a gazillion places to go in this world. Neither of them are wrong, they both need to grow up and find somewhere they both want to go to. Divorce is ridiculous over something so trivial. Both as childish as each other.

Agreed. I'm guessing here (and please @KiggiCalli correct me if I am wrong) that her DH doesn't want his daughter going to Africa because he has a fear of his daughter becoming "too black". If be interested to know how he interacts with black people outside of the immediate family, does he encourage DD to make friends with other black children where they live, at school, etc? What kind of area do the live in, is it diverse, and if not, who's decision was it to live in such a place?