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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband threatening divorce over a holiday.

383 replies

KiggiCalli · 12/05/2026 14:53

I would like to take my daughter to Africa on holiday. For context, I am Black British and my husband is white. He does not like long-haul flights and is refusing to agree to the trip. His view is that because I visited South Africa four years ago, there is no need for us to travel to Africa again, and that we should choose a closer destination such as Europe instead.
My daughter, who is of mixed African heritage, has never been to Africa and is devastated that she is not being allowed to go.

My husband is threatening to divorce me, should I go ahead and book the holiday?

OP posts:
JHound · 17/05/2026 15:37

Pumpkinpie1 · 16/05/2026 11:47

I think you are both being unreasonable. Why can’t you find a compromise, Vietnam is very beautiful and you have been to Africa not long ago. It’s not like you are wanting to take your daughter to visit her family….
To divorce over holiday destinations sounds incredibly immature of the both of you.

Vietnam is long haul and Africa is a continent not a country.

JHound · 17/05/2026 15:42

Flutterby87 · 17/05/2026 05:47

I've not seen the term coloured since the 90's and found it very jarring to read. You might want to brush up on how to reference people that are mixed heritage or black. Coloured aint it......

Show quote history

She is using it in relation to South Africa where it is a recognised way of referring to people of mixed ethnicity.h

www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-67505674

JHound · 17/05/2026 15:43

Flutterby87 · 17/05/2026 06:08

Being British caribbean a lot of us feel a deep cultural connection with Africa, after all our families were stolen from there and forced into slavery so there's going to be some part of history and lineage that's unknown but ours anyway. I want to see where my ancestors came from from. We shouldn't have to justify that. It's weird to me that people keep saying she doesnt come from Africa, well she's a displaced African by desent let's not ignore slavery.

My concern is your husband doesnt want your Dd making any sort of cultural connection to Africa and in part wants to deny her blackness. Thats the conversation. If he's happy to go to Vietnam long haul which is the same distance then it's the country and what that represents to you and your DD that he's wanting to avoid.

Have you suggested visiting the Caribbean and seeing what his reaction is?

Edited
Show quote history

She hasn’t said she is Caribbean. Her posts imply her background is from an African country, not the Caribbean.

JHound · 17/05/2026 15:48

SquashedSquashess · 17/05/2026 07:53

You being black and your husband being white is a bit of a red herring and not really relevant, because you’re not proposing visiting the country your ancestors are from, so heritage and personal culture don’t come into this discussion. It’s ultimately a debate about holiday destinations.

It’s a bit like if your husband used being white British as a justification for wanting to go to Italy, I think we’d all roll our eyes and think that was a weird justification. Like Europe, Africa is not a monolithic continent, it contains a wide range of cultures and societies.

I agree with others it’s immature of your husband to threaten to divorce, but this boils down to you needing to agree a holiday destination and shouldn’t really be such a drama.

You being black and your husband being white is a bit of a red herring and not really relevant, because you’re not proposing visiting the country your ancestors are from, so heritage and personal culture don’t come into this discussion. It’s ultimately a debate about holiday destinations.

This. It’s really irrelevant as OP said she is not planning to visit the country her heritage is from. So really it’s just a debate about holiday destinations. Although OP has vanished so who knows…

BruFord · 17/05/2026 15:53

I’m now fairly sure that this post is a wind-up.
The OP posted three times on the first day and nothing since.

JHound · 17/05/2026 18:03

BruFord · 17/05/2026 15:53

I’m now fairly sure that this post is a wind-up.
The OP posted three times on the first day and nothing since.

Agreed. The way OP talked about Africa also doesn’t sound like either she or her daughter have African heritage.

Sandrine1982 · 17/05/2026 20:37

He doesn't like long haul flights but suggested Vietnam? Price wise the flights to Vietnam are also much more expensive than many African countries now. For comparison, direct return flights from London:

  • Hanoi £1,500pp (13h)
  • nairobi £650- 800pp (9h)
  • Kigali £850 pp (9h)
  • Sal (cape verde) £700 pp (6h)
  • Lagos £790 pp (6.5h)
  • banjul, gambia £790 pp (6.5h)
  • accra, £900 pp (6.5h)

and so on....

SpiritAdder · 18/05/2026 11:51

That’s really controlling of him to refuse on the basis of long haul to go himself or try to forbid you and your daughter from going to Africa when he is perfectly fine with Vietnam.

North Africa isn’t even long haul so there’s several safe countries within just as long as flight as to Greece or Turkey.

Threatening divorce is not ok. I’d personally call his bluff and book for myself and DD to go.

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