Ds wants his dad to visit him but Dh isn’t comfortable

[heartmyheart]

Ds is 20 and has never been particularly close to his dad, a lot of this is due to distance but in 20 years he’s only seen his dad a dozen times but they do chat on the phone.
His dad has another family now and has found it difficult to spend time with him.
However his dad has said he’d now like to come and visit him and ds has agreed.
Ds would like him to come over and see his house and where he lives and spend time with him here but Dh is saying he doesn’t want him to come in and that Ds is old enough to meet him somewhere without him needing to come over which would be uncomfortable for him.

On the other hand this is also Ds home and he wants his dad to come and visit so I am torn while I see both sides I don’t want to make Dh feel uncomfortable in his own home but I also don’t want Ds not to feel he can have his dad to visit in his home especially as he’s never come to see him before and he’s exited that he’s making the effort as it’s only ever been ds going to visit his dad until now.
I feel torn as it’s all of our home and everyone should have a say in who comes here.

It’s natural for him to want to know his biological dad.

Woah..your ex is WAY out of order.
I'm with DH on this, now that you've elaborated. You should tell your DS it's a firm no.
Ex has no need to visit. DS can take pics/vids if he wants to show house/room.

@heartmyheart OP it really isn’t that deep. Just go out for the day with your DH and let your son see his dad.

Yes.

Unilaterally inviting his absent father to his mother and step fathers home however, is at best, a bit dense on his part.

Meeting at a coffee shop would be far more usual.

Surely even someone as naïve as you apparently are can see why OP's DH would be uncomfortable with essentially giving the son's dad (let me remind you: a man the OP has had so little to do with for the last 20 years that she can't even remember what he looks like) run of the house and access to everything they own? 🙄

Okay stay home. Either way it’s the son’s home too and he should be allowed to have his dad visit if that’s what he wants.

@MagnusCanis is that how you see every visitor to your house.

If they are someone I have reason to hold in less-than-good regard, yes.

This. First post was full of excuses for the ex.

I can understand dhs attitude. Firstly his wife has given deadbeat dad a complete pass over not having contact with his son. I expect he's not paid for him either.

The dh family have treated him like one of their own, and how many times do we see posts about step kids not being invited to weddings, events or even getting Christmas presents, and deadbeat has slagged them off to his son...and she's in the middle???

No you tell your son you don't want the man in the house because of his disrespect for the people who raised his child when he did fuck all. And you tell your son his dad has no right to an opinion because when he was ill, who was there. Who took him on holiday, who paid for the clothes on his back and food on his plate. Who took him to football or rugby. Who taught him to shave...all those rights of passage that he was prevented from doing with his osn biological father because of "distance " his "new family " etc